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help for behavioral problems
alz+
Posted: Thursday, July 4, 2019 2:01 PM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3608


https://betterhealthwhileaging.net/qa-rude-resistant-aging-parent/

My daughter sent me this website and it is excellent.

What is best is for family caregivers – and paid home caregivers – to learn better dementia behavior management techniques, and dementia caregiving coping strategies. I’m afraid it’s pointless to try to reason with her and “correct” her behavior, that just doesn’t work with people who are cognitively impaired. But there are other approaches that can help, most of which start off by accepting the impaired person’s reality.

learning better ways to handle your mother’s behaviors can have a big effect on her wellbeing, and on yours. For you, learning better approaches will help you with the stress, anxiety, and guilt. ... will improve her wellbeing (even though she may not often sound as appreciative as you’d like). A 2013 study actually found that dementia caregiver coping strategies were associated with slower dementia progression.

****one of best sites I have visited. Has medication suggestions too

love and courage 


Michael Ellenbogen
Posted: Thursday, July 4, 2019 2:16 PM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 4244


I am not sure there  any good  sites out there including this site.  I would recommend having them look at teepee snow  videos  online that are free.
Iris L.
Posted: Thursday, July 4, 2019 2:16 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 17894


I would like to read an article on what to do when your friends and family become rude and distant! 

Their perception is that cries for help are expressions of rudeness.  Sad.  

Iris


alz+
Posted: Thursday, July 4, 2019 2:22 PM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3608


https://www.healthinaging.org/medications-older-adults

this site has excellent sections on medications in consideration of illnesses and conditions, contraindications, dosing...

https://betterhealthwhileaging.net/medications-to-avoid-if-worried-about-memory/

identify medications that make brain function worse

can’t tell you how often I find that seniors are taking over-the-counter or prescription medications that dampen their brain function. Sometimes it’s truly necessary but often it’s not.

What especially troubles me is that most of these older adults — and their families — have no idea that many have been linked to developing dementia, or to worsening of dementia symptoms. So it’s worth spotting them whether you are concerned about mild cognitive impairment or caring for someone with full-blown Alzheimers.

The Four Most Commonly Used Types of Medications That Dampen Brain Function

1. Benzodiazepines.  (gives extensive info)

If a person does develop dementia, it becomes much harder to stop these drugs. That’s because everyone has to endure some increased anxiety, agitation, and/or insomnia while the senior adjusts to tapering these drugs, and the more cognitively impaired the senior is, the harder it is on everyone. So it’s much better to find non-benzo ways to deal with anxiety and insomnia sooner, rather than later.

 2. Non-benzodiazepine prescription sedatives. By far the most commonly used are the “z-drugs” which include zolpidem, zaleplon, and eszopiclone (brand names Ambien, Sonata, and Lunesta, respectively). These have been shown in clinical studies to impair thinking — and balance! — in the short-term.

  • Some studies have linked these drugs to dementia
  • 3. Anticholinergics. This group covers most over-the-counter sleeping aids, as well as a variety of other prescription drugs. These medications have the chemical property of blocking the neurotransmitter acetylcholine. This means they have the opposite effect of an Alzheimer’s drug like donepezil (brand name Aricept), which is a cholinesterase inhibitor, meaning it inhibits the enzyme that breaks down acetylcholine. A 2015 study found that greater use of these drugs was linked to a higher chance of developing Alzheimer’s.
  • 4. Antipsychotics and mood-stabilizers. In older adults, these are usually prescribed to manage difficult behaviors related to Alzheimer’s and other dementias. (In a minority of seniors, they are prescribed for serious mental illness such as schizophrenia. Mood-stabilizing drugs are also used to treat seizures.) For dementia behaviors, these drugs are often inappropriately prescribed, as in this recent NYT story. All antipsychotics and mood-stabilizers are sedating and dampen brain function. In older people with dementia, they’ve also been linked to a higher chance of dying.

 


jfkoc
Posted: Thursday, July 4, 2019 3:58 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 20707


Studies have shown that non-medical treatment is as or even more effective than medical treatment. We have been talking about this for some time on the forums. The importance of a caregiver can not be overstated.The amount of education to become one is huge plus it is a huge responsibility 24/7.

I urge you to have your daughter and H read 

The Validation Breakthrough: Simple Techniques for Communicating with People with Alzheimer's and Other Dementias 3rd Edition


This will give them a better understanding about communicating with you.

alz+
Posted: Friday, July 5, 2019 9:51 AM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3608


environment is critical to making it easy on person with dementia, my husband could not help me make my house workable and I interpreted that as his disgust for me.

when I finally understood he just could never do the basic stuff for safety I accepted that and we separated.

Michael - I wish I was more on board with the Teepa Snow style. I thought from the videos I watched they still treated dementia people like children. Years later I realize some people don't mind that at all.

each person's need are individual. 

wish I knew what to do with the loneliness, being cut off or ignored or in my case with family - being taken advantage of and marginalized. My son found money my family HID from the father's estate after I said for 2 years they are ripping me off. Who does this kind of stuff?

My son showed up and claimed my share, the family grifters didn't know what hit them.


Iris L.
Posted: Friday, July 5, 2019 9:46 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 17894


Jfkoc--The Validation Method is a great communication technique.  But people have to WANT to learn.  My observation is that the primary responses of family and friends to a person living with dementia are hostility, annoyance and avoidance.  And, once they find out, many want to TAKE ADVANTAGE of the PWD.  Alz+ just confirmed this about her family and her  inheritance. Alz+'s children appear to be different.  But my expectations of family and friends are low.  I do better with no expectations.  That way I am not disappointed again.

 P.S. I know that not everyone responds with hostility.  
 

Iris 


jfkoc
Posted: Saturday, July 6, 2019 11:26 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 20707


Iris....I think it is more than a communication tool. It teaches listening and understanding. Without the willingness to do this then what is there.

I believe that there area lot of people who do not "care" about others, period. There are lots who care but have no idea what they could do to be helpful. 

I hate that you have met with hostility, indifference and annoyance. I saw first hand the avoidance but honestly until I had lived day to day with this illness in our home I would have been an avoider too but the reason would have been that I did not know what to do. I think with some direction I would have not avoided.

My mother was ill. I was never told that she had dementia...just that she need some extra care with things. My brother and sister where with her. Had I known the situation I would have handled the situation differently. It is a deep regret that I carry. 

If I become ill I hope there will be others around me who care but who knows.

 


alz+
Posted: Saturday, July 6, 2019 11:28 AM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3608


Iris - avoidance ... people back away, physically. I have had people pat my head and talk baby talk to me.

In doctor office, doctor look at Keeper and talk to him. I would say, "You may speak to me if you like."

With my dad my brother would call in orders on what he wanted me to do, none of it helpful. My sister would show up twice a year, eat and leave. Never sat with my Dad, acted like he was a zero.

My dogs would sit with my Dad for hours and he would stare off and pet them, very contented.

another thing is they equate dementia with Lost IQ. That was what annoyed me about the lady who has videos, forgot her name. Felt it was childish, but I watch videos of people peppering a grandmother or mother with "Do you know who I am?" and then giving the person 3 seconds to answer and it breaks my heart.

The dogs always know what to do and I suspect cats do too.

 


Iris L.
Posted: Sunday, July 7, 2019 1:00 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 17894


Jfkoc, if you become ill, you can't "hope" that someone will be there for you; chances are high that no one will be there.  You have to search for a suitable person now, while you have time to plan and make your wishes known.  Or you will have to make other arrangements, like I will be doing.  I will not rely on anyone I know.  I could not even rely on the professionals I had consulted for advice.  


Alz+, it has taken me a long time, but I finally accepted the conclusion that I will be on my journey alone.


Iris


jfkoc
Posted: Sunday, July 7, 2019 10:08 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 20707


Iris.....I know in my heart that you are right. I have made it known that if I develop some kind of dementia I want to go to Abes's Garden or  The Hearthstone. I would rather live with professionals than near a loved one who stops in.
Unforgiven
Posted: Sunday, July 7, 2019 1:52 PM
Joined: 1/28/2013
Posts: 2659


jfkoc, if your relatives or children want to care for you, don't turn them away.  It feels like a rejection.  My mother insisted she didn't want me.  Until she ended up in SNF and begged me to get her out of there.

Iris, there is a song that goes, "All alone I came into this world; All alone I will surely die."  It's a sad song, but true.


jfkoc
Posted: Sunday, July 7, 2019 4:17 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 20707


good point and I think that my children will want to care for me but I know how much it takes.
alz+
Posted: Sunday, July 7, 2019 8:48 PM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3608


my appointment tomorrow at 10am.

I am open now to anything. I told my kids and Habib, if there was a pill to make me docile everyone would be taking it.

Now I added thc drops to morning oil and have not had the trembling fear I have had for years. Also no arguing with Habib and he put the phone in the cradle and lets me close shades outside to keep afternoon heat out.

Last night he was up with asthma, has no medicine for it. I didn't know what to do.

everyone is going to die of something, it is weird to have no one to count on. You never know who will step up, as it is I am living on my own in someone else's house. This is probably the best I can do, plan to care for myself until I no longer speak or break a hip.

will report soon if anything fresh comes out of the visit.

I would not have missed the chance to take care of my dad for anything, It ran me ragged and I cherish every minute.

love and courage



Iris L.
Posted: Sunday, July 7, 2019 10:46 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 17894


Jfkoc and Unforgiven, I think it's different if you have children.  I dropped everything and went back east to care for my mom when she had cancer.  I told her I would be with her regardless of what happened.  But I don't have children, so that's not going to happen for me.  I will do what Jfkoc said, which is to find a great CCRC or other appropriate facility with professionals who have a true understanding of compassionate and dignified care for PWDs.  In the meantime, I will live on my own and rely on technology.


Best wishes on your appointment tomorrow, Alz+.  I hope Habib gets some treatment for his asthma.

Iris