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options for people living alone
Posted: Friday, September 27, 2019 5:34 PM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3608

I read an article in paper about a woman who started matching people living alone with people in need of housing. There have been over 200 matches and so far only 6 did not pan out. She has a way of matching people.

Lately a few people have mentioned living with dementia alone and no one knows what to do to find some help. Maybe if we think of nieces/nephews, grandkids, cousins, old friends there may be someone in need of housing who would be willing to help with grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, driving, yard work etc. They may not start as caregivers exactly but a relief that someone else can take care of a home or apartment.

There obviously have to be some oversight unless this is someone you know well.

The process of finding someone and adjusting would be incredibly difficult to do alone.

I know the terror and exhaustion and loneliness. There are social workers who might help start a trial program in your area. This sounds way over my head and don't think I could have done it. I did have a neighbor who drove me once a week for groceries and ex-husband showed up one day a week to check in on me and dog.

The program link above has contact info that could be shared, they know how to run this program and lots of people are in houses they have to leave or can't afford, we may be able to live a few comfortable years this way.

If you are at point of giving up, get some rest, come back and let's brainstorm (!) on how to find a way to live.  We have to invent this stuff or borrow it or find someone else to make it work but house sharing was normal life until 50 years ago.

Please let's help each other.

Posted: Saturday, September 28, 2019 10:59 AM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3608

the emotional drain of being responsible for myself, my former home, the dog last winter  took years off my life. today woke up and heard Habib getting the dogs out so I went back to sleep. when I woke up I cried. Memories came back like a slide show of the struggle, knowing no one else would come to get the dog out or shovel or clear the furnace vent. The effort to ask, who to ask, not knowing what to ask for - grinding awful pressure.

No one to find me if I could not move, or help me get a dog to vet if she needed it. 

I loved living alone before ALZ. Now, because someone else is more in charge, because although one never gets a day off from ALZ, I get moments. Living alone you don't get recovery time.

People under that kind of strain are probably NOT going to try to convince a social worker to set up a housing match program. I shook for hours if I had to call the hospice nurse I had. It is too hard. By the time we are diagnosed the easy way we used to change our lives has sailed past.

is there help for people living alone? Is there a plan on steps to take, or how to get help, or anything? I've read some heart breaking accounts here, I know others who are digging out of a sink hole struggling to keep up with life. There must be a plan somewhere that can be adjusted and used as a model. 

My situation now where I have my own room in a small house, fenced yard with dog door is like assisted living, which ever appealed to me - many people felt it was a great relief, now I understand. I can clean if I want and am able or cook. Mostly I am in bed or digging out rocks and washing them to put in my little "garden". 

by the time I realized I could not keep up the show I was too far along to change anything. It cost my family and me a lot of money and heartache to get me in a car and put me here, emotional and money cost. I'm lucky.

any ideas how to take burden and loneliness off backs of people living alone? 

love and courage

Posted: Saturday, September 28, 2019 1:27 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 20706

I think that at some point it is impossible to live alone. If not impossible then overwhelming. I believe in the necessity of having an advocate. 

I believe in independent living facilities, assisted living and memory care.