Dear All, My mother has reached the point that she requires manual feeding the majority of the day.  She is also doubly incontinent, can't speak, and has terrible swelling in her legs and feet.  I am really struggling with the feeding as she did not want her life prolonged and she is just suffering (we all are).  According to her lawyer, I have the right to state this was not in line with her beliefs but the hospice nurse told me it is not an option.  Has anyone been through this?  What did you do?  IF, you went with the manual feeding how long did it go on?  

I am not looking for moral or religious advice, just how others have handled the situation.

neetzie, the Hospice nurse is just that... a nurse.  Get together with the doctor who is in charge of your mom's care.  There should also be a social worker to support you and your mother.  Sometimes nurses have their own agendas.  I am not saying this one is bad, just that ALL decisions in regard to your mom are yours (and what your mother would have wanted).

None of this is easy and the end is difficult if it is prolonged.  I hope you get to talk to someone very soon,

My mother was on hospice for 3.5 years! I hand fed her the whole time. She wanted to eat so I fed her When she would not chew, I gave her puree foods and then for last few months-just Ensure. Finally she stopped sucking down the Ensure and I stopped. She died a week later. I feel blessed to have had her with me all those extra years because I hand fed her. She was not suffering and she never refused the food.  If she had, that would be different. Maybe you can use the same criteria. My mother did not want tube feeding and we did not do that.