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43rd Wedding Anniversary
Posted: Thursday, December 26, 2019 2:45 PM
Joined: 10/4/2019
Posts: 46

Today is our 43rd wedding anniversary. I certainly never thought I would be starting this day dressing and grooming my DH. It never occurred to me that he would have no memory of our Christmas celebration yesterday with our son and his family. I never dreamed I wouldn’t be able to jog his memory into remembering our wedding. This is so devastating for me. It’s not fair that we are living this way. I cry numerous times every day.  I try so hard, but I cannot even have a happy thought. Remembering the good times seems to just make me feel worse! I can’t imagine how I will survive this. Two weeks ago I decided I had to have a break, so i placed DH in respite care in a local assisted living facility. The plan was for him to stay two weeks. However, within five days he was almost unrecognizable to me. They had him so drugged that he could  barely walk or talk. On the night of the fifth day, he fell and ended up in the ER. Thankfully, no broken bones. But, I couldn’t bare to send him back to the facility. So, here I am. I am working on getting someone to come to our home to help. So far, that has been difficult. We live in a small community with limited resources. I’m sorry. I have gotten off track here. This is a good example of my jumbled brain. I love him dearly but, at the same time, I am so frustrated and tired. I just want a reprieve from this life sentence! How does everyone else handle this? I know I am not alone.
Joe C.
Posted: Thursday, December 26, 2019 3:29 PM
Joined: 10/13/2019
Posts: 546

Eelical, Sorry that you are having such a difficult time on your Anniversary. I also having rough days even when small it’s small things that we can no longer enjoy together. I get the need to take a break from caregiving. I am making plans to take a solo vacation but it’s not till next October. That gives me plenty of time to figure out the respite care piece, just hoping I hang in there knowing there is a break down the road.
Posted: Thursday, December 26, 2019 4:22 PM
Joined: 4/2/2018
Posts: 4005

I would like to say "Happy Anniversary", but I know it will be anything but that. Please try to be good to yourself today. I hope you can find some peace.
Posted: Thursday, December 26, 2019 4:53 PM
Joined: 12/18/2011
Posts: 12792

Happy Anniversary, Eelical to you and your husband.  He may not remember but you do and for us caregivers that has to be enough.  Just enjoy being with him today - you can tell him about things that did happen and those will bring good memories to you, at least.
Posted: Thursday, December 26, 2019 5:26 PM
Joined: 12/25/2019
Posts: 12

I'm sorry you are having a difficult day and I just wanted to say I really know how you feel. My situation is a bit different but the feeling of "Why do we have to live this way?" is the same. My husband is only 63 and on Dec. 29 we will celebrate our fourth anniversary. He's my second husband and I am his third wife. He will not remember our anniversary, either. Even if I remind him, he will just smile and look blankly at me. Every time, a little piece of my heart falls away. hugs
Posted: Thursday, December 26, 2019 9:18 PM
Joined: 3/9/2012
Posts: 633

Welcome Pink Scarf to our caregiver group. It looks like you are a new member. There is a lot of good information here and people who understand what you are going through. Read, learn and feel free to ask questions.
Posted: Friday, December 27, 2019 10:50 PM
Joined: 10/31/2019
Posts: 100

Eelical- “How does everyone else handle this?”

Not very well! Your story of respite care is my nightmare. And to work out care at home seems so difficult, I haven’t tried. 

I hear your pain. I’m sorry. 

Posted: Saturday, December 28, 2019 9:06 AM
Joined: 12/25/2019
Posts: 12

Thank you, Bevy!
Posted: Saturday, December 28, 2019 10:04 AM
Joined: 1/24/2019
Posts: 293

Pinkscarf, so sorry you are dealing with this so early in your marriage!  Blessing to you on  the 29th~
Ken’s wife
Posted: Sunday, December 29, 2019 12:46 AM
Joined: 5/15/2018
Posts: 21

Happy Anniversary!

My DH and I have been married 44 years. As circumstances would have it he was placed in the nursing home the day of our anniversary. 

This disease just keeps the pain and sadness coming! 

Posted: Sunday, December 29, 2019 5:48 AM
Joined: 1/25/2018
Posts: 687

Yep- our 35th is today. Always planned a 2 week cruise for our 35th. Realistically DW is 70, I'm 61 so we didn't think planning for a 40th or 50th anniversary was realistic. Today, I'm just hoping for a good day with few tears, clean pants, and dry bedding. Not planning on it, but hope springs eternal. Like many others, I lay my head down at night in tears, and cry at the break of day. A dozen times each days journey I am close to tears again. Today, our 35th, probably more.
Posted: Sunday, December 29, 2019 8:08 AM
Joined: 4/2/2018
Posts: 4005

Pinkscarf and Markus, Happy Anniversary. I hope you can both do something nice for yourselves, and make the most of the day.
Jo C.
Posted: Sunday, December 29, 2019 9:12 AM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 11564

Eelical, Pinkscarf and Markus, warmest of thoughts are being sent your way,


Posted: Sunday, December 29, 2019 9:24 AM
Joined: 11/29/2019
Posts: 118

Markus....I'm sorry that your 35th anniversary didn't turn out like you have planned. Sadly, we just never know which direction our lives will go. I hope you will be able to replace those tears with a smile if even for awhile.
Posted: Sunday, December 29, 2019 8:14 PM
Joined: 12/10/2019
Posts: 6

I can totally relate to what you are saying. In 2020, my DH and I will celebrate our 43rd anniversary. We were planning to go to Oberammergau and then take a river cruise. I can see this is no longer possible. I have been spending today cleaning up my incontinent DH. I’m exhausted and at my rope’s end. Respite care sounds wonderful to get away from the responsibilities, even for one day. I’m investigating home health care tomorrow in hopes of getting some relief. But I’m wondering if MC is coming soon. At least my DH still knows me and says he loves me. Please know there are people here who understand what you are going through and are shedding some tears with you.