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Joined: 1/16/2013
Posts: 334
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My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately, that when I pee it cleans the toilet.
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Joined: 6/4/2017
Posts: 885
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DW and I grinned at that!
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Joined: 2/2/2014
Posts: 6088
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I keep getting these Emails titled "Knock Knock ".
When you open it its Jehovah's witnesses working from home
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Joined: 6/2/2017
Posts: 37
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I saw this one a few weeks ago when people first started WFH, before
more widespread lockdowns:
My cleaning lady left a note informing me she will be working from home,
with instructions for what I should do.
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Joined: 6/4/2017
Posts: 885
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I have to go to the bank. Is it more dangerous to wear a mask, or no?
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Joined: 10/24/2018
Posts: 1370
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I laughed out loud at Losing Hand's and Crushed's! I keep getting emails of various orchestras around the world performing (from the musicians' individual homes) the Ode To Joy from Beethoven 9. Masterpieces of sound engineering but not funny.
There is a very funny video out there (I saw it on my NPR app maybe yesterday) of a locked-in UK family performing their rewrite of a song from Les Mis.
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Joined: 10/6/2017
Posts: 36
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Chris Mann Music on You Tube "Thank you to the Frontline" and Locked Inside--really good
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Joined: 6/12/2016
Posts: 1323
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LOL! Thanks!
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Joined: 1/16/2013
Posts: 334
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Imagine surviving all that unprotected sex, just to die from an unprotected handshake.
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Joined: 6/21/2019
Posts: 862
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Stuck in the middle wrote:I have to go to the bank. Is it more dangerous to wear a mask, or no?
It might be if you hand the teller a note that says "This is a withdrawal!"
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Joined: 6/4/2017
Posts: 885
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I scored some TP at the supermarket yesterday, but they were out of Kleenex again. What next, corncobs?
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Joined: 6/5/2014
Posts: 1536
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Consumer Reports ranks corncobs mid-range in efficiency, but very low in comfort. In addition, they completely failed the flush test.
When I was about 14, two of my classmates thought it would be funny to wear bandanas & take along a toy gun to withdraw some money from their accounts. They did in fact pass a note to the teller that they were there to make a withdrawal. Cops quickly showed up with REAL guns drawn & it cost their parents a boatload of money to bail them out of jail & get their criminal records expunged. Not recommended!
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Joined: 6/21/2019
Posts: 862
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I just found out I have to cross "Visit Blaine Idaho" off the top of my Bucket List.
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Joined: 3/26/2018
Posts: 126
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You thought dogs were hard to train.
Look at all the humans that can’t sit and stay.
Army vet- Very sad to see what’s happened in Blaine county. I’m sure the outbreak in Blaine was caused by all the international winter ski travel to SunValley (middle of Blaine County) the area is among the most beautiful in my state, although I’m partial to my hometown of Coeur d alene- far North Idaho.
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Joined: 2/2/2014
Posts: 6088
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SuzD wrote:You thought dogs were hard to train.
Look at all the humans that can’t sit and stay.
Army vet- Very sad to see what’s happened in Blaine county. I’m sure the outbreak in Blaine was caused by all the international winter ski travel to SunValley (middle of Blaine County) the area is among the most beautiful in my state, although I’m partial to my hometown of Coeur d alene- far North Idaho.
Its a huge domestic travel destination. Americans brought this disease from overseas.
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Joined: 3/26/2018
Posts: 126
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Crushed wrote:SuzD wrote:You thought dogs were hard to train.
Look at all the humans that can’t sit and stay.
Army vet- Very sad to see what’s happened in Blaine county. I’m sure the outbreak in Blaine was caused by all the international winter ski travel to SunValley (middle of Blaine County) the area is among the most beautiful in my state, although I’m partial to my hometown of Coeur d alene- far North Idaho.
Its a huge domestic travel destination. Americans brought this disease from overseas.
Yes, I probably should have said it’s a travel destination for the wealthy, not just domestic or international.
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Joined: 10/26/2019
Posts: 240
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In attempting to keep the surfaces clean I am washing everything down more frequently. DH likes to shadow and assist in the effort. He must have deemed the almost full pepper shaker dirty as I later found it soaking in the sink.
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Joined: 1/16/2013
Posts: 334
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The Coronavirus has achieved what no female has ever been able to achieve. It has cancelled sports, closed all the bars and kept all the guys at home.
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Joined: 6/4/2017
Posts: 885
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Cartoon in the paper featured a bunch of dogs around a conference table. The top dog at the head of the table says "The coronavirus plan worked. Our people are staying home with us more."
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Joined: 1/16/2013
Posts: 334
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I know I've never been all that attractive, but lately every woman I try to approach avoids me like the plague.
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Joined: 6/4/2017
Posts: 885
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Movies to watch during quarantine:
Passengers
Home Alone
The Martian
Castaway
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Joined: 6/21/2019
Posts: 862
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Stuck in the middle wrote:Movies to watch during quarantine:
Passengers
Home Alone
The Martian
Castaway
I have some Pandemic classics for a rainy quarantined day:
Five (1951) - A radioactive pandemic leaves only five survivors.
The Last Man on Earth (964) - A pandemic leaves Vincent Price in a world full of zombie vampires.
The Omega Man (1971) - A pandemic leaves Charlton Heston stuck between hippies and zombie albinos.
Thankfully, Corona Virus hasn't resulted in Zombie Vampires, Albino Zombies, or Hippies.....yet.
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Joined: 2/1/2018
Posts: 591
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It’s like I’m 16 again.......gas is cheap and I’m grounded.
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Joined: 1/16/2013
Posts: 334
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Turns out I just learned that 88 couples have come out of quarantine in China and immediately filed for divorce.
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Joined: 3/7/2020
Posts: 90
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A homeschooling mom got a call from her son in his bedroom. He missed the bus today a won’t be able to make it.
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Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 16702
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Not a quarantine laugh but a quarantine smile:
https://youtu.be/MMBh-eo3tvE
Iris L.
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Joined: 6/4/2017
Posts: 885
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Saw a Doc on TV saying while staying home we should focus on inner peace. To achieve this we should always finish things we start and we could all use more calm in our lives. I looked through the house to find things I had started and not finished, so I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodel of Bailey's, a butle of wum, mainder of Valimum scriptuns, an a box of choclat. Yu haf no idr how feckin fablus I feel rite now. Sned this to all who need inner p-ss. An telum u luvum. And two hash yer wands, stafe day avrybobby!
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Joined: 12/21/2018
Posts: 728
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Very funny midStuckdle!
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Joined: 1/16/2013
Posts: 334
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Meanwhile in other news, Snow White is down to six dwarfs. Apparently Sneezy is in quarantine.
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Joined: 6/4/2017
Posts: 885
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A losing hand. wrote:I know I've never been all that attractive, but lately every woman I try to approach avoids me like the plague.
If you want to meet women, put a potato in the front of your jeans. If you want people behind you in line to give you plenty of room, move it to the back.
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Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 16702
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My newspaper from Southern California News Group, sponsored a limerick contest regarding pets, since April was Humor, Poetry and Pet month wrapped into one. Here is one of the limericks.
My poor puppy is confused
For his training is going unused
I taught him to shake
That was a mistake
Because handshakes must now be refused.
By Craig D. Hardwick
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Joined: 1/16/2013
Posts: 334
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Back in the day the only time we started panic buying was when the bartender yelled "last call"
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Joined: 1/16/2013
Posts: 334
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Has anyone elses gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on my couch at the beginning of March and I've grown significantly since.
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Joined: 6/4/2017
Posts: 885
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I have washed my hands so much, I found the answers to an 8th grade math test.
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Joined: 4/6/2014
Posts: 569
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Thank you all for bringing back some smiles.
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