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Life After
LarryD
Posted: Tuesday, April 21, 2020 9:47 AM
Joined: 12/1/2011
Posts: 1321


Just to encourage all that there is life after the loss of a spouse. I met and remarried last year and have begun the process of loving again and using the lessons of my first marriage. 

So many lessons were learned through the care of Deane, my first of 57 years. My love for Lila, my new love, were forged in the crucible of alzheimers where I learned to love as Christ loves me. She received a husband who now knows how to love completely in ALL situations.

When we marry, many at an early age, we do not fully realize what the words of commitment we spoke, "in sickness of health, till death we part". The Lord used the experience of alzheimers to teach me how to love as He loves. 

So look to Him and listen for His assurance that all that happens to us is because He loves us and is changing us into His image so that when we finally come face to face with Him, we shall be like Him.

Blessings and peace to all.

LarryD


jfkoc
Posted: Tuesday, April 21, 2020 11:33 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 20118


I was thinking of you just yesterday...what a lovely update. All good wishes on your new marriage!
elainechem
Posted: Tuesday, April 21, 2020 5:15 PM
Joined: 7/30/2013
Posts: 6037


Congratulations Larry! What a wonderful update! I'm only 61 and I do hope to marry again. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. People like us make the best marriage partners. We know how to love unconditionally. I pray that you have many happy and dementia free years with Lila!
Army_Vet60
Posted: Tuesday, April 21, 2020 9:02 PM
Joined: 6/21/2019
Posts: 999


elainechem wrote:
I'm only 61 and I do hope to marry again. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. People like us make the best marriage partners. 
I'm happy to hear you've chosen not to become "frozen in time".
   
It took the therapist about five months to get me to think of my wife as the first great love of my life, and not the last.  I'm starting to come around to that as a healthier way of living. Living in a perpetual state of depression is almost as draining as caregiving.

  I hope we caregivers make the best marriage partners! 

Right now I feel like I'd make the most depressing one, but mourning is a long process.


elainechem
Posted: Tuesday, April 21, 2020 9:32 PM
Joined: 7/30/2013
Posts: 6037


Army_Vet60 wrote:
elainechem wrote:
I'm only 61 and I do hope to marry again. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. People like us make the best marriage partners. 
I'm happy to hear you've chosen not to become "frozen in time".
   
It took the therapist about five months to get me to think of my wife as the first great love of my life, and not the last.  I'm starting to come around to that as a healthier way of living. Living in a perpetual state of depression is almost as draining as caregiving.

  I hope we caregivers make the best marriage partners! 

Right now I feel like I'd make the most depressing one, but mourning is a long process.

I have met women whom I think of as "professional widows". They consider themselves to still be married to their late husbands. That's not even possible. You can't be married to a dead guy. They will wear their wedding rings for years, if not for the rest of their lives. I don't think this is healthy. I stopped wearing my ring after a few weeks. Then I wore it, along with his ring, on a gold chain with a cross for several weeks. Now, don't even wear that. I want to be able to wear my other necklaces. The rings are now safely in my jewelry box. It's tragic that my husband died, especially to this horrid disease, but he did die. He's not my husband anymore. Jesus said that dead people are not married nor given in marriage in heaven. That's what I believe. When I get there, hubby and I will be dear friends, but we won't be spouses there. I spent 8 years mourning for my husband. Every time that he suffered another loss of cognitive abilities, I mourned anew. I'm tired of mourning. I am eagerly anticipating the reopening of society so that I can get out there and meet new people. 

Jo C.
Posted: Thursday, April 23, 2020 11:38 AM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 11998


Larry!!!  How did you know I had been thinking of you and wondering how you were doing?  Well; my goodness and here you are!

I so remember your journey and so much of what you did as a loving caregiver; I am delighted to hear that you have now found love and joy with your Lila.

If you feel you would like to, I am willing to bet that Members on the Spousal Forum would love to hear from your too; you were with us for so long.

Best wishes and warmest of thoughts are being sent your way and thank you for stopping by to let us know how you are,

J.