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Leaving a lot of work for others
Iris L.
Posted: Sunday, May 3, 2020 12:53 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 17900


One of my cousins passed away last year.  She left a big house and all of her possessions for her sister to take care of.  The house needs work.  Her sister got Corona virus and is in no condition to do a lot of heavy work, plus in these shelter at home times, it is hard to get workers.  My intention is not to leave a lot of hard work for others when I am no longer here.   


Iris

Michael Ellenbogen
Posted: Sunday, May 3, 2020 7:12 AM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 4250


That is exactly what we are doing for the first time. Cleaning house and not take all the junk to the new one. Not easy to do but it has to happen. I started about 3 months ago and have about 4 more to go to get it done. I started off quickly but getting so much harder to do. 


jfkoc
Posted: Sunday, May 3, 2020 2:22 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 20719


I had a dear friend who said that nothing of hers was going to be part of an estate sale and that when she dies her drawers would be neat and tidy.

This period we are experiencing can be viewed as an opportunity for reflection as well as organisation and I will do both as soon as I can tear myself away from Netflix...lol


Unforgiven
Posted: Monday, May 4, 2020 11:03 AM
Joined: 1/28/2013
Posts: 2659


Try watching a few episodes of Hoarders online for inspiration.  I always clean my brains out after watching Hoarders.  Of course, much of my current mess is from things my son sent us to be stored from his house, so I won't feel too bad about leaving it for him to sort.
BethL
Posted: Tuesday, May 5, 2020 8:26 AM
Joined: 3/25/2015
Posts: 998


When we cleaned out my mom's home when she went into a facility, we filled 6 large dumpsters, donated 24 large garbage bags of clothing, took what we wanted, sold furniture and antique items to 3 dealers...and when that was over, had a company who buys estates come in and take everything else.

I decided right then and there I'd never do that to my kids!


jfkoc
Posted: Tuesday, May 5, 2020 11:46 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 20719


I have my husband's mothers furniture, my grandmother's furniture, my mother's furniture. Today is bulk  trash day and I have two men working on my fence who could cart stuff to the curb. Hmmmmm
zauberflote
Posted: Saturday, May 9, 2020 12:15 AM
Joined: 10/24/2018
Posts: 1480


Iris, this is such an important topic! I've had relatives to do the same-- huge amounts of "stuff" left behind. I married a packrat, from a long line of packrats. There is a large family home where the family vacations, and it is filled with packrat stuff, most of it either useful, beautiful, worthy, or some combination of  those. Heaven help the descendants who are saddled with that!

My parents were very wise-- they never upsized, so never had to downsize. Dad left behind a nice collection of hand and power tools, and not much else. Mom left about half a million books, and some furniture, including some really nice 1930's or '40's solid maple Made In Vermont furniture, which we split up amicably. And her piano music....She also saw to it that things were easy to deal with after her death.

I have no idea what DH's plans are. I managed to bully him into throwing away about one in 25 books and old college papers in a very recent move. I threw away (with a huge pain in my heart) several decades of  four science fiction magazines, and all my cookbooks. I am completely with those who desire to leave very little trouble behind. One method one of my kids wants us to use is to state specifically in our wills what goes to whom. Sheesh  


BadMoonRising
Posted: Monday, May 11, 2020 9:20 PM
Joined: 4/22/2017
Posts: 334


My house is a disaster. Nothing new with that. When I die or am institutionalized, my kids can hire a clean out service just as my siblings and I did for my parents' home. However, this  pandemic did remind me that I have not updated my Advance Directive + Healthcare POA, both drafted at the time of the Terri Schiavo disaster. Seems like yesterday.   Furthermore, I don't have a Financial POA or a Will. All is not lost since one child currently has access to my retirement account and all of my accounts and vehicle are registered as TOD (transfer on death) accounts. The kids can let the bank take my home or they can sell it. 

Frankly, I am lazy and I lack the motivation to do any of this. (I totally agree that it should be done but ...).


Iris L.
Posted: Tuesday, May 12, 2020 12:51 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 17900


I don't consider it laziness.  Loss of motivation is part of the disease process.  Having a plan is part of the solution.

Iris


BadMoonRising
Posted: Tuesday, May 19, 2020 6:28 PM
Joined: 4/22/2017
Posts: 334


Iris,

It is very kind of you to suggest I am not lazy. I've always been like this..no work, all play. Except now I'm not playing either. And I've never planned (that's probably due to my ADHD).

I had my neuro consult in January and at that time agreed to contact the Coordinator of Research at Georgetown for possible inclusion in (Alzheimer's) drug studies. Nope, haven't done that.

My medical record has incorrect information that I need to have corrected. Preferably before the Coordinator of Research at MY consulting neurologist's medical center looks to see whether I am eligible for any studies at that facility. The mere thought of trying to identify the individual that can work this miracle is overwhelming. Nope, I haven't lifted the phone.

My house incurred significant damage last year and I haven't done anything related to repairing the damage. I think I have another year before the insurance company will refuse to reimburse the expenses related to the incident, but nope, I haven't even called anyone for estimates.

I could go on...

Reading what I just wrote above I suddenly realized that I've seen similar posts suggesting what I would describe as an overwhelming sense of helplessness. darn*. No offense intended, but I really do not want to be a member of this club.


Iris L.
Posted: Tuesday, May 19, 2020 8:46 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 17900


Bad moon rising, I doubt you could have made it to adulthood without some ability to balance work and play.  The word laziness suggests negative judgement for what is a neurological condition.  Regardless of how you were in your earlier years, having dementia comes with a marked decrease in motivation to do almost all activity.  There is a medical name for this that escapes me at this moment.  


Like you, I have major projects that I have not been able to attend to yet.  One small example:  I had an opportunity beginning last October to renew my driver's license.  I have to take the written test again.  I did not get it done.  Then, due to Covid-19, all the DMVs were closed.  Fortunately, I was given an extension, but I wish I had been able to take care of it last year.  


Another example:  my kitchen sink faucet was leaking for over a year.  I just got it replaced.  I could go on and on.  I have other  serious projects not yet done.  Also due to Covid-19, I now have an extension for completing this year's taxes.  I've got to get on it!  But I don't beat myself up about it.  I have learned to accept that this is my condition, and that I'm doing the best I can.  


Years ago a psychologist chastised me for not being able to take care of things that were hard for me.  Well, I can no longer do hard things! That's just the way it is for me now!  What I can do I will do.  What I can't do I won't do. I have to make sure that tasks and projects are simplified for me now.  And let the rest go.  I'm not saying it isn't hard to do, because it is.  But I must change.  The alternative is not nice.


Iris




Unforgiven
Posted: Thursday, May 21, 2020 8:46 PM
Joined: 1/28/2013
Posts: 2659


It's called abulia.  The lack of ability to get anything started.  Ironically, the more you do, the more results you see, and that helps with the enthusiasm.  I will clean a whole room just to have the pleasure of picking some flowers and putting them in a vase as the finishing touch.

It's e8ther that, or I'm running out of clean underwear.

Taxes.  Ugggh!  As of last year I gave up doing them on my own and use an accountant.  It's totally worth the lack of stress of doing one's own.


Iris L.
Posted: Friday, May 22, 2020 12:59 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 17900


I have an accountant, too.  In fact he has prodded me three times already this year.  Usually I get an extension, this year Covid provided me with an extension.  It's the gathering of the information that's hard.  


Yes, abulia is the word I was thinking of.  There is no medication for abulia.  Abulia is a major symptom. 


Iris


Michael Ellenbogen
Posted: Friday, May 22, 2020 6:59 AM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 4250


I am not sure if you have dementia Abulia applies to us. Before my dementia I did everything no matter what with the highest priority no matter what it was. I just had to get it done. Now I can not get things started no matter how hard I try or how bad it is fir some things. I so wish I knew why and what has changed in my mind. 


jfkoc
Posted: Friday, May 22, 2020 12:14 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 20719


White File Carts

This is a wonderful thing. Legal or letter size ( I use legal since there is more room for papers and I am sloppy). I have different colored folders for topics and a black one for tax papers. all tax relevent document are collected throughout the year. At the end of the year I put all the years records needed and the contents of the tax file into a mailing box from the Post Office with my name a year on it. 

Why do I love this cart? I can move it to where ever I am working...kitchen table/dining room table. I keep envelopes, stamps, paper clips, greeting cards, stapler, printer ink, pens pencils and copy paper stored in ti.

It is made by Elfa and I currently have three. I think they are o sale at The Container Store this weekend and I think they qualify for free shipping.


Iris L.
Posted: Friday, May 22, 2020 4:50 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 17900


I used to be like you were, Michael.  I attacked every project and task with great vigor.  Now I sit.  It's in the brain, Michael.  I have decided that the only solution for me is to proactively eliminate as much as possible.  I can handle very little now, soon I won't be able to handle anything.  Half of my bills are automated, I need to get the rest of them automated.  


Judith, I like your file. I have five sets of file cabinets, also at least fifty (possibly more) plastic containers and cardboard boxes and grocery shopping bags full of papers.  My problem isn't a lack of storage but a problem with the cognition to deal with filing.  As I said to Michael, I have come to the conclusion that my only solution is to eliminate as much need for paper as possible. 


Over the years I have observed my ability to handle paper diminish; in some time this ability will vanish altogether.  I don't want to be stuck with all this paper.  In the past I held on to a lot of paper as a substitute for my failing memory.  It helped in the beginning, but not now.  I had put papers aside in the hope of being able to deal with them later, but later didn't happen.  I did improve enough to be able to travel with groups, but not enough to take care of paperwork and more than simple financial matters.  I can still do a lot of things but I struggle with paperwork.   I struggle to be able to write out a few checks each month.  That's why I know I have to get more bills automated.


Iris