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Do your emotions ever get back to normal?
Posted: Friday, May 15, 2020 7:59 AM
Joined: 7/30/2013
Posts: 6037

I bought a new truck recently. Today, my pastor came to visit. We sat on the front lawn, properly socially distanced. He admired the truck and asked me if I was excited about it. It occurred to me that I'm not. I wasn't excited that I moved us to a nice new house five years ago. When I found out that my son and his wife were expecting my first grandchild, I cried, but not from happiness. I was saddened that this baby would never know her grandfather, and he wouldn't ever realize who she was. When she was born two years ago, I was kind of happy, but not the type of elation that a grandma should feel for her new grandbaby.

It's like my good emotions are all blunted now. I can feel sadness and grief very keenly, but I don't feel happiness or joy as I once did. Eight years of Alzheimer's just beat it all out of me I guess. I wonder if it will ever come back? 

Posted: Friday, May 15, 2020 10:00 AM
Joined: 6/21/2019
Posts: 999


It took me about four months from when my wife died to realize I was seriously shutting down emotionally. A number of important dates went by that left me feeling flat. I didn't enjoy doing any of the things my wife and I did together. I found myself wanting to be near people yet passive aggressively pushing them away at the same time.

After another two months went by, I added another counselor to my therapy, and she gave me a book to read, where I found this quote:

"To the world, you may be one person; but to one person, you may be the world."

That quote spoke to me about why and how much I was grieving for Sandy.

We were each other's world in every sense. When she died, half of my world went with her.  I'm figuring out how to adapt to this new reality.

I think you're on the right track trying to meet someone and form a connection. You recognize it's healthier for you to move forward with your life and not live it alone.

My counselor convinced me to look at Sandy as the first love of my life, but not necessarily the last. She said it's healthier to leave the door open to the possibility of finding companionship that way. I just have to accept that it won't exactly be Sandy.

I think Mike posting about his marriage just showed it is possible to repair the emotional damage our LO's suffering has done to us. He loved Brenda completely, and he was still able to repair himself emotionally and find love and companionship.

Posted: Friday, May 15, 2020 10:14 PM
Joined: 4/1/2014
Posts: 5202

I can't imagine your feelings since it was my mother who passed away and not my husband. I am so sorry for your loss.

 Our emotions are the result of feelings that we can learn to control and even overcome if they are bad feelings. I have learned that no one can make me feel anything-they are not like rocks or sticks-but come from ourselves and with knowledge and experience and wisdom, we can learn to control them. Right now I don't want to lose the sad feelings I have of my mom's death yet. I want to grieve and perhaps you might be in that same place. I think your emotions will get back to a new normal in time and when your are ready. It's been such a short time.

  Good luck and take care.