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I can hardly beleive it-mom's been gone a year!
Posted: Thursday, October 15, 2020 11:28 PM
Joined: 4/1/2014
Posts: 5213

Yesterday was mom's 1 year death anniversary. Us siblings got together but we didn't speak a lot about mom. Talked about everything but....I guess we wanted to remember her in our separate ways.

I have placed fresh flowers in front of her ashes for the past year. I will now buy living orchids - they last longer. I think my broken heart is mending, but I miss her a lot. She and my dad are buried about an hour and 40 minutes away so it's not easy to go see their graves, but I hope to get out there at least 2 times a year while I am able.

To all who are still grieving, or have a death anniversary coming up- I wish you well and blessings to you and your loved ones.

Posted: Friday, October 16, 2020 4:23 PM
Joined: 2/16/2017
Posts: 1893

Hello Tess,

It sure does not seem like its been a year. Your MaMa will be with you forever she is in your heart. You were a Angel to your Mother.

My DH has been gone 3 years in April and it seems like he was here yesterday. Please continue taking care of yourself and have a good life. Hugs Zetta  

Posted: Friday, October 16, 2020 8:39 PM
Joined: 11/22/2019
Posts: 399

Anniversaries are challenging.

Live orchids sound lovely.  Something about living plants is gently nurturing.

I often feel that the relationship of mother and daughter has almost unlimited levels of interweaving threads.

Even though we generally expect our parents to pass before we do, there is such a hole created by their loss.

I am glad you were able to gather with your siblings and share current events with each other.

Posted: Saturday, February 6, 2021 9:32 AM
Joined: 5/31/2014
Posts: 124

Hello Tess,

I haven't been on here for a long, long time but today i thought i would log on.  I am so sorry to read that your mother passed away in 2019.  You are such a loving daughter and took care of her so well. 

It has been nearly 5 years since my mum passed away.  I found that the first couple of years i had a lot of healing myself to go through - not just the grief - but i kept reliving her final years and couldn't get past it.  Finally though, i started to think of my mother in her healthier years, her smile, voice and laughter.  I started having good dreams about her and now i smile when i think about all our wonderful years together.  It is a process!

I wish you many happy memories of your mother!

take care,



Posted: Sunday, February 7, 2021 3:03 PM
Joined: 4/1/2014
Posts: 5213

Thanks all for reaching out to me in October and thank you April for reaching out to me this month. It's been a hard recovery having to deal with the COVID-19 pandemic and then a dx of breast cancer for me. But just as I did with mom, I just keep doing what is necessary and take one step and then another and another I hope we all can return to normal soon and I can enjoy the traveling I had to put off for so many years.

I'm happy to hear your dreams and memories of your dear mother are now pleasant. I know your mother is looking after you still and you deserve a great life. Take good care!

Posted: Thursday, February 11, 2021 5:43 AM
Joined: 5/14/2018
Posts: 256

Tess, sending lots of love to you. The first year is very difficult, but you made it through.  God bless your mom and dad too <3
Posted: Monday, February 15, 2021 1:04 PM
Joined: 5/21/2016
Posts: 2012

Hi, Tess,

Sorry for the belatedness of this reply -- I'm rarely on here -- self-preservation anyone?

Really sorry about your dx, and the road that possibly implies. I do hope you will get to travel as you wish. I haven't yet -- Covid and other factors -- but I dream of it.

I often think fondly of you and our "peer group" who cared for our parent/s or other loved ones at about the same time. All of us are aging gracefully. Maybe I'm aging clumsily! Only my friends can tell for sure and they are not telling if they are my friends!!

Your steady input and calm advice helped me on many a day when I was at my wit's end. Thank you for that. 

I also wish for you full health, a complete recovery, and all the travel you can stand!

Take care, dear Tess,

Jo C.
Posted: Monday, February 15, 2021 5:12 PM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 13692

Dearest Tess and our ray of Sunshine, it is good to catch up with one another; the two of you have been a source of great inspiration and wisdom for me for so long.  What amazing grace of spirit the two of you embody. 

It is so odd to me how fast time seems to go by between the here and now and when my mother died.  I too am amazed that it has already been over a year since you lost your dear mother, Tess.  Honoring your mother with living orchids sounds beautiful.

Tess, I am sorry to hear of your diagnosis; knowing you as you state, one foot in front of the other taking care of business, always moving forward.   I too experienced a cancer diagnosis and all that entailed what with surgery and all; but so thankful these years later for all of the blessings that have come.

And our MP; I get it; sometimes we need to stand aside and catch our emotional breath again.  I thought I would age gracefully as you say, but find that I am at least aging gratefully.

I so hope that the COVID pandemic is soon under control and that we can all move and breathe freely again.  In the meantime, DH and I are staying pretty much isolated.  Hopefully, travel will be safe and open soon and the world ready for all of us. 

In the meantime, many thanks for the two of you being here, and know that you are thought of; warmest of thoughts are being sent your way.  Please do keep in touch when up to it and feeling like it, know that you certainly have not been forgotten and never will be.




Posted: Thursday, February 18, 2021 7:05 AM
Joined: 5/21/2016
Posts: 2012

Dear Jo. C. and Tess,

It's so wonderful to read from you. Truly over the years of being here some of my most solid relationships through struggle and strive were forged. I'm glad to read that you are well. Yes, isolation has been the name of the game for the past year. Sometimes I thank my lucky stars I had such good practice diving into the past and exploring inner resources, since I think some of my peers were having more difficulty dealing with the isolation and never ending pendulum of the past year. It may sound selfish, but I'm glad my parents didn't have to be alive at this time. It's a hard enough time for any of us. It's a pandemic, for gosh sake.

I wish I could offer advice more often, but honestly, I rarely come here. It's good to see Tess, Ruth, Ladyzetta, and others, who were all like my extended family.

I wish you the best. Stay warm and cozy.



Posted: Thursday, February 18, 2021 11:17 AM
Joined: 6/21/2019
Posts: 898

Hi Tess,


I missed this post in Oct due to my own encounter with Covid. I spent most of October in bed with severe breathing and eating issues. Our anniversaries are so close to each other!


The grieving may never completely end, but it sounds like you and your siblings are dealing with it and moving forward as best as possible.  I wish you all the best on following that path.


In the second year,  I am finally getting glimpses of Acceptance, the last stage of Grieving. If grieving lasts a lifetime, I don't think this is a bad stage to reach at all. I can celebrate Sandy now as I honor her without being dragged down by the morning so much.


I can't describe what I felt when I read you've been diagnosed with breast cancer. I hope your treatment goes well....My heart goes out to you, Tess, for what that is worth...

Posted: Sunday, February 21, 2021 5:41 PM
Joined: 4/1/2014
Posts: 5213

Thank you for your kind thoughts and well wishes, Jo C, MPSunshine and Army_Vet60. People like you three and so many others, made the sad journey I had with mom more tolerable. I knew I was not alone and had support. I think knowing you have the support of others who understand is as important as getting advice. I know you all have your own grief to deal with, so I appreciate your messages to me.

Jo C.
Posted: Sunday, February 21, 2021 9:51 PM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 13692

From my heart to all of yours; love and healing . . . .