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Lost(1)
ChrisBme
Posted: Sunday, January 10, 2021 9:42 AM
Joined: 2/1/2018
Posts: 118


My life was on hold and revolved around my DW for the past 5 years. My focus was on making her happy and comfortable. I was with her when she drew her last breath, telling her how much I loved her on Dec 16, 2020. I took her to what we've considered our "Home State" to be laid to rest at the National Cemetery where she waits for me to join her. It is 750 miles away so I can't visit her regularly. There's very little of my former life to go back to and the isolation is wearing on me. I talk to her all the time with only silence in return. I do have a shining light I try to see as positive... On January 6th, 2021 our 1st great grand child (a Girl) was born! I know that my DW lives in her, my grand kids, and my daughters and I was the luckiest man to have her in my life! Now I am the luckiest man to be able to see part of my DW living in our 2 daughters, granddaughter, 2 grandsons, and our great granddaughter! I'll quit for now, sorry for rambling, thank you for listening.

 

 



Army_Vet60
Posted: Sunday, January 10, 2021 1:37 PM
Joined: 6/21/2019
Posts: 962


     When I found myself becoming isolated as friends and family backed away from my wife, I didn't forget it.

     When my wife died, I went through six lost months where I disconnected from pretty much everything except this forum and my grief counselor.

      I understand your sense of isolation having gone through it as well.

      What has helped me is that I didn't try to reconnect with my old life and relationships.  What were friendships are now acquaintances at best.  I gathered a new circle of friends together and it helps take my mind off of grieving because they have no connections to my wife.

      I wish you were closer to your wife's resting place, My wife is about five miles from home so I visit her every month on the day of her death and talk to her.

     If you have a nice photo and some possessions of value to her, I suggest you make a shrine in her honor in your home. I've done this at my home so I can talk to her and honor her.

    That might help you process your pain a bit. 

 

 


jfkoc
Posted: Sunday, January 10, 2021 5:49 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 19631


We not only lose the one we love we lose a job too. Someone pointed that out to me....it helped in some odd way.

My husband never discussed dying...why would he...he thought he would never die. I had him cremated. It was three months before I could even accept his ashes. When they arrived they went immediately into his flight bag. Still there in the plastic container because I have not found a container I like nor have I decided what to have inscribed....Navy or Air America. After that comes the decision whether or not to take him to Arlington. Maybe Pensacola wherehe would rest in the cemetery he flew over when in flight school. Then again maybe I he should just stay here, snug in his flight bag in his library. 

That was quite a ramble. I just was taken with your being able to visit your wife every month....sorry.

 


Army_Vet60
Posted: Sunday, January 10, 2021 8:54 PM
Joined: 6/21/2019
Posts: 962


jfkoc wrote:

We not only lose the one we love we lose a job too. Someone pointed that out to me....it helped in some odd way.

My husband never discussed dying...why would he...he thought he would never die. I had him cremated. It was three months before I could even accept his ashes. When they arrived they went immediately into his flight bag. Still there in the plastic container because I have not found a container I like nor have I decided what to have inscribed....Navy or Air America. After that comes the decision whether or not to take him to Arlington. Maybe Pensacola wherehe would rest in the cemetery he flew over when in flight school. Then again maybe I he should just stay here, snug in his flight bag in his library. 

That was quite a ramble. I just was taken with your being able to visit your wife every month....sorry.

 

jfkoc,
I just read your post and looked at your profile.
Do you still live in Chicago?
You could have your husband interred at a Chicago military cemetery where you could visit him any time.
I did a google search and came up with:  Oak Woods Cemetery, Rosehill Cemetery, and Mount Olive Cemetery.

Bholmes
Posted: Sunday, January 10, 2021 9:55 PM
Joined: 2/24/2020
Posts: 158


No apology needed for rambling.

I am planning a celebration of life ceremony for my DW this coming October. Decided to do it with all the COVID and family is in different places. After that services, we plan to disperse wife’s ashes in the White Mountains of AZ. Her Grandfather and Father ran sheep in the mountains and her fathers ashes are dispersed there. She liked to fish there and loved going there in the Summer to get out of the Arizona Summer heat. It must be nice to have a close family. I had my wife, we had each other, and I am very alone without her now. Just trying to cope.


TessC
Posted: Monday, January 11, 2021 4:08 PM
Joined: 4/1/2014
Posts: 5192


I did not lose my spouse so I cannot fathom the depth of your heartache, but wanted to say I am very sorry for your loss. It is very hard and there is much a person will go through after a loss such as yours (and mine with the loss of my dear sweet mom). It took me months to finally feel like I didn't need to get up and do something for my mom. I felt ill at ease, lost, anxious that I was missing something important. It's been over a year and though COVID has made life unsettled for me and I've had some serious health issues since mom died, I am beginning to feel like life is normal again. I hope you will find peace, too.