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Stage 8 Strangeness
Posted: Friday, April 29, 2022 7:17 PM
Joined: 12/21/2018
Posts: 1442

My world is so different now. Here's a list of just a few of my recent quirks.

  • I used to do laundry, all day, every day. Now I might wash one small laundry load every few days.
  • Since I am not limited to one trip to the grocery store per week, I can usually go through the express lane.
  • I actually miss seeing DH's caregiver. I did have my dad hire her to care for my mom, so our paths have crossed a few times.
  • My dog Hap still prompts me to go to bed at 5:30 pm although I am getting more accustomed to staying up later.
  • The animals and I are more likely to sleep through the night instead of waking up every hour or two to look after DH.
  • I am choosing more fruits and vegetables for my diet, instead of junk food.
  • Annie's Song by John Denver seems to be on a continuous loop in my head. This is especially strange because it was not a song of significance to DH Jesse and me. It is a beautiful song however.
  • I have become extremely short tempered and easy to anger.
  • I have become quite clumsy in performing tasks.
  • I am especially absent minded in the afternoon. Therefore I try to avoid driving after 2pm for the sake of others on the road.
I miss DH Jesse so much. I am grateful for the time we had together. I am grateful for his love. I am grateful Jesse is no longer suffering.


Posted: Sunday, May 1, 2022 8:25 PM
Joined: 8/11/2021
Posts: 57

Oh LadyT I can truly empathize with the strangeness of this new 'stage.'

Oddly, I miss my Dad's favorite quirky caregiver. He was a delight to talk with everyday.

I hope you have a good week and find moments of calm.

Posted: Monday, May 2, 2022 10:21 AM
Joined: 5/25/2020
Posts: 390

Lady T, I found the first few months very strange, but most especially the first few weeks. We have gone from physically, mentally and emotionally focusing 100% on PWD for several years. Even though DH's progression was fast, I was in a constant state of worry from end of summer 2018, to his death a year ago. I don't think I even realized that my entire time was focused on him, whether or not I was with him. For almost a year, I found that anytime I wasn't specifically thinking about something else, like work, I thought only about him. In the checkout line, watching TV - it wasn't deliberate, but my mind always went to that.

Then you have the practical differences, like you pointed out. After 3 loads of laundry a day, I have one load every two weeks. I talked regularly to our wonderful caregiver, who had lived with us for 10 weeks, and I still text with her. I'd seen my step-daughter almost every day for 6 months, but it became once a week. While I was pleased that she could now live her 23-year old life, it was such a change.

This is such a change to your daily life, quite apart from the sadness and grief. What I say to myself - and mostly stick to - is just feel whatever you feel. Don't judge your feelings, or compare to what others think you "should" be doing or feeling. Even early on, I sometimes felt happy walking the dog, or talking to friends, and i could joke. Other times I'd be walking the dog in floods of tears (me, not the dog!), hoping noone would notice. Take good care of yourself and know that we truly understand.

Posted: Wednesday, May 4, 2022 7:42 AM
Joined: 9/5/2017
Posts: 937

Lady Texan,

Since my husband passed in December, the six years of caregiving seem to have flown by.  I've pretty much washed away the bad memories of that nightmare.  It was the hardest job I've ever had (and will never do it again).  He was my focus, and my goal was to get us through each day the best I could.  

It still seems strange to have all this free time for myself.  I volunteer at a regional food bank once a week, go to the YMCA at least 5 days a week, go out to lunch or dinner and outings with friends and family, take long walks and hikes.  I'll be taking a trip in September with a women-only adventure group to Utah - my first solo vacation.  My trips to the grocery store are no longer the only times I get out of the house.

I miss my husband but I'm so relieved he is no longer suffering.

Posted: Wednesday, May 11, 2022 7:32 AM
Joined: 6/12/2016
Posts: 2479

Dear LT,

I'm thinking of you and Hap this morning. Hoping you have a peaceful day.

Posted: Wednesday, July 20, 2022 1:45 AM
Joined: 6/12/2016
Posts: 2479

Dear LT, I hope things are getting a little easier for you. You definitely deserve peace. I am also grateful that Jesse is no longer suffering.
Posted: Thursday, July 28, 2022 2:50 PM
Joined: 1/24/2019
Posts: 319

Dear LT,

Sorry for your loss.  I used to come on here when hubby was sick, but he passed Nov 28,21.  I have not really participated in many months.  Today is 8 months without him and I just happened to log in here.  I was going to spend time with my daughter for a couple days, but I have an oil leak.  Had car with a mechanic and I guess something has gone wrong again.  I guess I am feeling overwhelmed.  Some days I think I am doing good, but last few days the grief just pours out in buckets.  Our lives have changed so much!

I have joined a widow support group within my community which has helped a bit.  I am thankful I had this group when I was caring for hubby.  Take care~