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What to do
grandmalynda
Posted: Monday, January 16, 2017 10:36 AM
Joined: 12/3/2016
Posts: 374


I am losing it.  Recent decline is rearing its ugly head.  For at least the last week or so I am seeing another rapid decline in my cognitive abilities.  Each day seems to get progressively worse.  I keep telling myself that I'm just having a bad day and it will pass.  Not happening. 

Right now I am feeling very disappointed in myself.  I know it's not my fault but in my head I keep thinking that I am just not trying hard enough to beat this awful thing.

Yesterday and today have been especially tough.  Yesterday I wasn't able to even cook with help.  I cried at the drop of a hat and spent the day feeling very depressed.

This morning I was trying to fix my breakfast.  For some reason I opened the top of the salt shaker and dumped the whole thing on my eggs.  But (good thing), instead of walking away like I wanted to, I stayed and started over.

I am sooo tired of feeling so inept.  I read all the time on these boards about keeping a positive outlook.  I swear, I am trying but it's getting very hard to keep my head above water. This is one of those times when I just feel like giving up.

I just needed to talk to those of you who understand all of this.  This SUCKS.

--Lynda

 

 


Michael Ellenbogen
Posted: Monday, January 16, 2017 11:30 AM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 3501


 I totally understand how you feel. But this is a mind game and you have the capability to make it so much better with practice. Just accept that it will get worse and there is absolutely nothing you can do to change the course. Laugh at the stupid things we do as it does help.

 


lisabramey
Posted: Monday, January 16, 2017 11:36 AM
Joined: 3/20/2015
Posts: 96


Dear Lynda,

I am with you on the whole post. I recently tried to copy a paper on my Elcheapo printer. Well I'm thinking I'll dust it while printing my one page. I kept mashing the copy button and just dusting away it wouldn't work. I look at hubby and told him the printer aint workin. He calmly says does it need paper? Shure enough it did. I felt soo stupid. That coupled with my ever increasing word salads just upset me tremendously. I have no advice just comfort in not being alone.

Lisa Ramey


llee08032
Posted: Monday, January 16, 2017 11:50 AM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4405


It's a given that the disease process will cause you to screw things up. Alz+'s words: "learn to forgive yourself quickly" have been tremendously helpful to me. 
The_Sun_Still_Rises
Posted: Monday, January 16, 2017 12:26 PM
Joined: 7/24/2015
Posts: 3020


I right there with you, as I have been progressing also.  It always strikes with fear future when new progression loss tasks happen.  It always hard me take...and I have no real ever found a way make it easier. 

I have described my losses my workers as it like if everything I know how do represented by a circle....the things the edge circle first get a little hard, but you can still manage with effort.  Then they get much harder and you tired by effort do.  Then they hard enough you think, I will put off task a few days maybe it be easier next week.  The next week, however, you feel on top world because EVERYTHING easy do, you can do everything you do....and so you go back do that task, only find that that outer edge circle completely gone.  It never come back. 

I have found some good success evoking what I know neuroplasticity re-wire brain stay do these tasks in new ways.  And I have gotten by last year half very well that.  In my look back my old writings I could no find my neuroplasticity threads....but it was generally no a very well received on here so maybe it got deleted. 

I find it help me in times like this, when it get tough....take control things in my life...make changes.  So doing things, like re-train brain do task felt pro-active and something I could do keep this disease at bay. 

That said, it also really help do the personal internal work accept that this going there.  I was grateful have a non-dementia expert therapist who supportive right die laws, who was understanding and helpful me as I explored all my feelings that I going die...and how this disease look end....and even my spiritual feelings.  It allowed me get a very good place in myself....where I could accept my impending death and feel complete my life....which then, in turn, allowed me turn back and LIVE more fully with less fear every time I progressed.  I highly recommend it people...but also for finding someone who a good match you....as that seems make all the difference.  That no say that I do no feel a great fear every progression loss I have, because I increasingly do.

I am nearing the point of lose capacity...so my fears much greater now with progression.  And anxiety at my struggles tasks now is making my life very miserable. 

I wish upon wish I had words that could make this easier....but I also finding it very difficult. 

Hang in there. 

 <3

 


grandmalynda
Posted: Monday, January 16, 2017 2:20 PM
Joined: 12/3/2016
Posts: 374


I greatly appreciate all of your insights.  I can't tell you how much it means to me that so many of you are willing to share your experiences. In reality I know that I am not alone, but there are days when I feel that I can't keep doing this.

Thank goodness we all have each other to help us through these trying times.

--Lynda