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Been a Few Months
Posted: Monday, August 10, 2020 11:19 AM
Joined: 9/22/2019
Posts: 14

Good morning to all or at least when I started this message it was morning. I hope all are well and staying safe from the Covid pandemic. We have been keeping to ourselves as much as possible. Since my last post I did partially retire and hoping to sell 2 of my 4 businesses. The other two, I plan to give to my children to run and pay me over time so I can enjoy the good days and rest on the bad days. 

Since last posting my life has made many turns. I lost my mother and my Father in law who was like a father to me. I have sued myself or in the middle if litigation with myself. Yes you read that correctly I am suing myself or that is how the court papers read. Long story short one insurance company that represents me is suing the other insurance company that represents me or another of my businesses. IT is nuts this should not be able to happen. I think I am going to write a book called crazy sh-- that happened to me in my life. If I had not lived my life the past few years I would not believe it. 

I am not sure if I will ever post again. I have now developed major tremors in my legs, and the tremors are spreading to other parts of my body, my vision is failing, and my mind is slowing rather quickly. Frustration builds rather quickly and my emotions now have me where I really do not want to be around people. 

My wife finally talked to 2 of our children in depth about my issues. I had spoken to them about my issues but played it down so they would not worry. I do not want them to feel obligated to help take care of me as I progress. I have a plan in place and when it is time before I slip to far I have made arrangements to take care of things. My wife felt it would be best for them to know since we have not been able to spend time with them during the pandemic. We have not told the youngest yet. I plan to talk to her and her husband within a few weeks. I have waited because I think they are thinking of moving for new jobs and I do not want them to feel they need to stay close. I want all of them to live life and experience life without me being a burden on them. I saw my mother loose her long battle with ALZ and would prefer my children to not witness me go down. I want them to remember me as I once was not what I am becoming. 

I attempted to share some with my closest friends the other day and they did not understand or want to accept what I was telling them. They were like maybe it is just stress, or well we all do stuff when we age and finally when I attempted to explain fully the tremors they didn't grasp what I deal with on a daily basis. 

The only thing I have found that helps me is Medical Cannabis. I use drops, and a spray that seems to help my tremors to a point where I can function during the day. If it gets really bad I do smoke on occasion but prefer not smoking but at times that is the only way I get relief. I am glad I live in a state that allows Medical Cannabis. If it were not for it I wouldn't be able to function on a daily basis. 

I will end for now and I thank everyone for allowing me to ramble once again. I seem to keep things in, and this board allowed me this morning to share a few things I would not share other wise allowing me to vent. 

I say to all that read this "Love as if there is no tomorrow, Live as if today is your last, and Laugh with someone you Love so they will remember who you were not who you are becoming from this terrible disease. 

Be safe to all and I pray you all have a great week.