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DH was committed
Stunned805
Posted: Monday, September 14, 2020 10:22 PM
Joined: 9/8/2018
Posts: 275


to a facility on the third. He's been there less than two weeks. They told me today they are trying to get him placed somewhere more appropriate. They are not equipped to handle him.
star26
Posted: Tuesday, September 15, 2020 4:36 AM
Joined: 2/6/2018
Posts: 403


Does your husband have anyone that is supposed to be advocating on his behalf at this point?  It sounds like he desperately needs this. With what has been done legally so far, who is the responsible party and what are the legal options for appointing someone new to manage his care?  One hospital transfers him to another hospital because he needs more specialized care and the new hospital doesn’t know his diagnosis upon his arrival and then suddenly says 10 days later that they are not the appropriate facility to treat him? It sounds like gross negligence to me. I hope he can get an independent patient advocate, guardian, or healthcare proxy/POA appointed or re-appointed for both your sakes.
jfkoc
Posted: Tuesday, September 15, 2020 9:55 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 18964


Have you had a chance to talk with your husband's neurologist?
Stunned805
Posted: Tuesday, September 15, 2020 2:51 PM
Joined: 9/8/2018
Posts: 275


No, the appointment with the neurologist didn't happen. I guess the psychiatrist did not pursue it.

I guess I am his only advocate. I dont know what to do. I get pushed away at every turn. Nobody will tell me anything. I am not allowed to visit. They won't let me talk to him. I feel  helpless and no one else seems to care.


Jo C.
Posted: Tuesday, September 15, 2020 3:10 PM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 11232


If I were being stonewalled, I would do one of two things or both.  I would first go up the chain of command and speak to the Medical Director of the Unit; then the Administrator of the facility.

Next step or first step depending on dynamics, would be to make an appointment with an Eldere Law Attorney to gain assistance to find out what the specifics are and who can advocate for you.

J.


ALH66
Posted: Tuesday, September 15, 2020 3:12 PM
Joined: 9/17/2018
Posts: 81


I can’t even imagine what you’re going though, Angie. 

Prayers always.  I don’t even know what to say. Take care of yourself as much as you can. 

(((((Hugs))))))

Angie 


jfkoc
Posted: Tuesday, September 15, 2020 3:13 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 18964


We here care and will help you as much as we can...you are not entirely alone. Can you make contact with your husband's PCP? Do you have an attorney?

At this poin please go back and write down everything that has happened. Details including dates and names. At some point you may need this documentation.

 


Victoria2020
Posted: Tuesday, September 15, 2020 5:33 PM
Joined: 9/21/2017
Posts: 543


What happened to the Medicaid application? Did they file it for you?

A elder lawyer can tell you what your mutual rights are. You have the list of no/low cost ones in your area.

 Have you requested a copy of his medical file from both places? That will answer some questions and save the lawyer time.

 And I wouldn't be surprised if the hospital  isn't freezing you out hoping you'll take him home.


Stunned805
Posted: Tuesday, September 15, 2020 7:32 PM
Joined: 9/8/2018
Posts: 275


QMB Medicaid has been approved. Institutionalized Medicaid is still pending. He has legally been committed to the state of Alabama mental health. Legally, they are responsible for him and must take care of him. Since he was beating me and putting me in danger, I am not expected to do anything.
dayn2nite2
Posted: Tuesday, September 15, 2020 10:36 PM
Joined: 6/20/2016
Posts: 2417


Stunned805 wrote:
QMB Medicaid has been approved. Institutionalized Medicaid is still pending. He has legally been committed to the state of Alabama mental health. Legally, they are responsible for him and must take care of him. Since he was beating me and putting me in danger, I am not expected to do anything.
Fantastic.  They’re dealing with him.  This would be a great time to start some counseling so you can make a new life for yourself without the abuse.  Any women’s shelter will be able to assist.  

Stunned805
Posted: Saturday, September 19, 2020 8:55 PM
Joined: 9/8/2018
Posts: 275


He has been transferred to a hospital in Jasper, Alabama. It's a long ways away, but I can't visit anyway. Hopefully, they can help him. They said he hasn't been eating and has been falling a lot.
terei
Posted: Sunday, September 20, 2020 1:05 PM
Joined: 5/16/2017
Posts: 673


You might want to consider contacting a hospice near his location to have him evaluated.
Stunned805
Posted: Monday, September 21, 2020 9:17 PM
Joined: 9/8/2018
Posts: 275


Their social worker called me today and asked me a bunch of questions. It is sounding better already. They seem more compassionate. They let me talk to him finally. He didn't speak back but the nurse told me she could tell he heard me. We are also trying to set up a zoom chat tomorrow. I am more hopeful about this place. Of course, she asked me, too, what's the ultimate goal? Duh, for him to get better and come back home to live with me, but it's not going to happen. I told her my mother died from this. I know how bad it gets.
Ed1937
Posted: Tuesday, September 22, 2020 5:26 AM
Joined: 4/2/2018
Posts: 3366


Stunned805 wrote:
They seem more compassionate. They let me talk to him finally. 

That is great news. Maybe now things can get a lot better. I'm glad for you.

Katy sue
Posted: Tuesday, September 22, 2020 5:44 AM
Joined: 9/24/2016
Posts: 472


Glad to hear a bit of positive news. Hopefully they will ‘keep his best interests in mind. You have done jst about all you can do at this point. Please consider lookin g into some counseling for yourself. You have been through such traumatic circumstances, and processing it all takes time. Talking with someone with professional experience is profoundly helpful. You are important too.
Victoria2020
Posted: Tuesday, September 22, 2020 10:56 AM
Joined: 9/21/2017
Posts: 543


Glad you got some good news finally. Keep pushing for them to get him permanently placed. Since you had said Commitment is not permanent you need to stress that they find him a permanent slot and never mention going home as any kind of option to the social worker. When they have evaluated and stabilized him to their standards they will want to free up the bed. Hope your Zoom goes well.
Stunned805
Posted: Friday, September 25, 2020 6:25 PM
Joined: 9/8/2018
Posts: 275


DH's older brother and his wife drove me down to visit DH at Walker Baptist Hospital yesterday. It was the first time I had seen him since July 1. It was shocking how much he has deteriorated. He is now bedridden. He is not eating or drinking. They have him on an IV. He only weighs slightly over a hundred pounds. He is 5'8". He mainly slept so I didn't really see how he was too much, but I did hold his hands and I gave him a hug and kiss before I left. They were supposed to have me sign hospice papers, but that didn't happen till today. They faxed them to my work and I signed them and faxed them back. It will be a short time now. He is admitted to the hospital there and will stay in hospice there till he passes, I suppose. I went to Wellstar where he had been committed today. I received his wedding ring and ID, and the other stuff I had taken for him to use while he was there. I even received his committment papers. I am so sad. Don't know exactly what I am going to do yet.
Katy sue
Posted: Saturday, September 26, 2020 5:48 AM
Joined: 9/24/2016
Posts: 472


So sorry for all you have had to endure in all this. Hospice usually offers grief counseling services which family can take advantage of before or after death. They so very helpful to talk to. Very compassionate people. I truly hope his journey is peaceful, as he too has been through more than any human should have to go through. Hugs to you.
Ed1937
Posted: Saturday, September 26, 2020 6:01 AM
Joined: 4/2/2018
Posts: 3366


Stunned, you have been through a horrible time with this disease. I'm sorry for that. Hospice should be a great thing for you. Take advantage of all they offer.
ALH66
Posted: Saturday, September 26, 2020 6:51 AM
Joined: 9/17/2018
Posts: 81


Wow, seems like we went though the exact same down turns, I’m so sorry for all you’ve been though. You’re enduring it much longer than I did, though. 

If you want to talk, PM me and I’ll send you my number. Hospice has called me offering grief counseling, I haven’t used it yet, I have been talking to a therapist since early this year. Glad to know grief counselor is there if I need it between counseling appointments. 

(((((Hugs))))))

Angie 

 


Stunned805
Posted: Saturday, September 26, 2020 8:20 AM
Joined: 9/8/2018
Posts: 275


I appreciate the offer. 

  On top of all this, his daughter, who just lost her husband to cancer, on DH's birthday, about two weeks ago, sent me an extremely long facebook message, cussing me and blaming me for everything that has happened. She said she would've taken him in and took care of him to the end. Yeah, right. The first time he hit her or one of her kids, she would'be kicked him out.


ALH66
Posted: Saturday, September 26, 2020 8:39 AM
Joined: 9/17/2018
Posts: 81


 You are really dealing with a lot. Prayers for you and DH. 

Angie 


Jo C.
Posted: Saturday, September 26, 2020 9:55 AM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 11232


Stunned; I am truly "stunned" to read this and am so very, very, sorry.  What a shock that must be for you; I can only imagine.

You have done the most compassionate thing in providing Hospice care; they will be extra eyes, ears and hands on your husband's behalf and comfort. Hopefully they will give you a primary contact person swiftly so you can speak to that person as often as you wish.

This has been a beyond difficult journey for you and you have stayed the course striving to do your best under all of the hugely difficult circumstances.

Please let us know how you are; we will be thinking of you.

J.


GA-Mom
Posted: Saturday, September 26, 2020 11:28 AM
Joined: 2/17/2017
Posts: 136


You are probably feeling very tender and a little vulnerable right now. My heart and prayers go out to you. My DH has ALZ and slipping more and more. 

Please don't let the daughter get to you, if possible. That's easy for me to say. But please try to put her words aside. She obviously doesn't know how hard this has been on you. If it will help, give her the name and number of someone at husband's facility and let THEM tell her how he really is and how violent he had become. They might give her some insight and she won't be so caustic. Just a thought.

Surround yourself with supportive and caring people. You have done everything you can do. None of us ALZ experts and we have to wing it. No one patient is the same. Some are very mild and some can get violent. It's nothing you did wrong. 

Do something good for yourself today. Get a pedicure at a safe salon. Sleep in. Go somewhere pretty and just watch nature. I would be eating cheesecake with strawberries. It can be peaceful. You don't have to make any decisions today. In a way, sounds like many decisions have already been made. 

Best of luck.


Stunned805
Posted: Tuesday, September 29, 2020 8:49 PM
Joined: 9/8/2018
Posts: 275


He's been on hospice now for about a week. When I call, they say everything is the same. He has not been eating or drinking for almost two weeks now. I have been looking up funeral home stuff, going to go with direct cremation, which is all I can afford. Has anyone else been in this situation where the authorities took over and moved the LO about 100 miles away? Will they pay to send him back closer to home?
dayn2nite2
Posted: Tuesday, September 29, 2020 9:05 PM
Joined: 6/20/2016
Posts: 2417


Stunned805 wrote:
He's been on hospice now for about a week. When I call, they say everything is the same. He has not been eating or drinking for almost two weeks now. I have been looking up funeral home stuff, going to go with direct cremation, which is all I can afford. Has anyone else been in this situation where the authorities took over and moved the LO about 100 miles away? Will they pay to send him back closer to home?
I don't understand.  If he's not eating or drinking, then he's in some portion of the dying process, so why would you want them to move him now?  If he's actively dying, you should be able to see him, but to move him now wouldn't be in his best interest.

Making arrangements is a good idea.  That will be one less thing for you to do after he passes.  All the facility  has to do is call the funeral home and it will be taken care of.

Jo C.
Posted: Tuesday, September 29, 2020 10:57 PM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 11232


Stunned; I understand what you are saying.   As to your question; in both my personal caregiving life and in my professional life I have never seen a patient transferred that distance for care without the patient or family wanting to be transferred to a facility that far away..

However, if this was the single only place that would accept him if all closer facilities refused him admission, that may be the reason.   Don't know, but that is all I can think of without knowing the behind the scenes facts.

I can understand how deeply you wish to be with your husband for these, his last days.  Sadly; he is actively dying and his time is now very, very short.  He has not eaten for two weeks and no longer takes fluids.  He is in Hospice; (is this a free standing Hospice, or Hospice care in a nursing home facility?)

Under the circumstances, It souns as though he is not sufficiently stable to travel the 100 miles nearer home to a new care facility closer to you.   As it is, it is also highly unlikely that an ambulance fee for that distance would be covered by his insurance; but I could be wrong on that.

If it is not appropriate for your husband to transfer nearer you due to the gravity of his condtion so you can be with him, is there any way that you could make the trip to him?  If you can take some time off work to do that, you could call Hospice and see if their Social Worker knows of a service that would cover the cost of a hotel room for you so that you can be with your husband each day; it is worth a try.

If he is in a free standing Hospice with their own buildilng, they may possibly be able to provide you a place to sleep so you can be near your husband.  From what you have written, this sounds as though it would not be a long time.

I am truly so sorry this is happening; a sad end to a very troubling and harsh last few months that you have been immersed in.

Know that we are thinking of you and are sending warm thoughts you way and are with you in spirit.

J.


Victoria2020
Posted: Wednesday, September 30, 2020 7:39 AM
Joined: 9/21/2017
Posts: 543


Angela,

I am so sorry to read this, I hope you can see him again before he goes. You were in there fighting for him non-stop. Take comfort in that.

Sending you good thoughts.

 


Stunned805
Posted: Wednesday, September 30, 2020 6:53 PM
Joined: 9/8/2018
Posts: 275


DH passed away this morning about 3 a.m. I paid to have him transported to a funeral home closer to me. 

 This was a very fast journey. He was diagnosed two years ago. 


Katy sue
Posted: Wednesday, September 30, 2020 8:54 PM
Joined: 9/24/2016
Posts: 472


Praise God it is over for him. I am so very sorry for this horrific ordeal  you have been through. In the coming days you will feel so much overwhelm8ng emotion. It is so hard to process. Do not hesitate to seek grief counseling. Thinking of you as you navigate this road .
ALH66
Posted: Thursday, October 1, 2020 6:04 AM
Joined: 9/17/2018
Posts: 81


 Angie, I am so sorry for your loss. Our journey was very similar. DH diagnosed March 2018, gone August 2020. 

I pray you find peace. I’m still searching for the total relief his passing should have brought. Being so consumed with something for so long, it’s hard to believe it’s ended. 

Time for you to take care of you.  

Angie 


Ed1937
Posted: Thursday, October 1, 2020 7:21 AM
Joined: 4/2/2018
Posts: 3366


I'm sorry for your loss. No doubt that is very hard. Hopefully you will be able to soon start living a more calming new life.
jfkoc
Posted: Thursday, October 1, 2020 3:20 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 18964


So very sorry. I know you will miss him but in some way relieved of the worry. There are many widows still posting and even a forum for those with losses so I hope you will consider staying a while.
Bevy
Posted: Thursday, October 1, 2020 11:22 PM
Joined: 3/9/2012
Posts: 611


I am send prayers for peace and comfort to you on the loss of your dear husband.
Jeff86
Posted: Friday, October 2, 2020 12:14 AM
Joined: 10/24/2019
Posts: 305


Heartfelt condolences.  May you find peace in the weeks and months ahead.