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Life after caregiving 1 year later
Posted: Tuesday, March 19, 2019 9:58 AM
Joined: 1/8/2016
Posts: 365

Hi Everyone!

So, I asked this question a year ago. What is life like after caregiving? How much has changed if anything? My phone is quite, no more care meetings or talking about mom's care.

I had thoughts of things I wanted to get done, but didn't quite get there. The best thing I did was get doctor appointments caught up. I wanted to work on my yard, but that didn't happen. I did plant some flowers in my front yard. I told my husband at least the front of the house looked nice so long as nobody saw the back, lol! And, we did take a vacation for a week, which was very nice! But, in between it all my FIL's health was failing & then he passed. Thank God we had time with him. Then there has been life's other bumps in the road, but nothing like the road of Alzheimer's.

I am very thankful for the connections I've made here. And, blessed to have made an especially dear friend.

Moving along one day at a time, right?


Posted: Friday, March 22, 2019 6:27 PM
Joined: 7/28/2017
Posts: 176

One day at a time, kind Wendy. And now we're moving toward spring: time for more flower planting! I send you a whole bouquet.
dutiful deb
Posted: Sunday, March 24, 2019 12:37 PM
Joined: 1/1/2012
Posts: 1875

It will be a year in May, for me.  Mom died on Mother's Day, so I'm sure that day will be bittersweet.  I talk to my daughter regularly, but my son has only spoken to me once since the day after my mom's passing.  I'm still in caregiving mode, but in a different way, as my husband's situation continues to change.  He is still high functioning, working, doing things  around the house, but he struggles more and more. Things that are small issues in everyday life are becoming bigger challenges for him, and I am facing the future with eyes open, knowing what I need to do, but not liking what is coming. 

A friend of mine has an annual Mother's Day get-together at her house. Of course, I missed going last year, but am looking forward to attending this year. In May, my daughter and her husband will celebrate their first anniversary, so there's another event to celebrate.  Last week I finished the last class I need to fulfill my degree requirement, and I'm eager to get that diploma!

In the midst of sorrow, there is joy. Thanks for the reminder to look for it, and to celebrate the things that bring happiness!  Happy Sunday! 


Posted: Sunday, March 24, 2019 7:22 PM
Joined: 1/17/2016
Posts: 909

Deb, my mom passed the day before Mother's Day.  Thirty plus years ago my brother died on Mother's Day.  I always felt like crap for my mom and fortunately, in the last few years before she passed, she didn't bring him up.  We were still joking a few days before she passed and I remember saying mom, don't die on Mother's Day... that would really suck.  I thought she had months to go, but then she passed the day before.

I guess my Mother's Day will always be a celebration of my mom and brother and the fact I have two beautiful children and am so happy I did.  I never wanted kids and my husband and I finally decided after 12 years of marriage to go ahead.  Man, am I glad I did.  Who would have known the support you get from them and the fact that although I hope I don't need them in 30 years, they have seen it all with their grandma who they loved.

Congratulations on your degree! I can't imagine having to do school during the last few years with mom.  Happy Sunday to everyone!

dutiful deb
Posted: Wednesday, March 27, 2019 12:13 PM
Joined: 1/1/2012
Posts: 1875

Thank you, Rocky! I am happy to be done. One of the motivations for going back to school was the knowledge that my husband may not be able to work much longer. It's so hard to tell what will happen; we all know how unpredictable dementia-causing conditions are.  Now I feel like I have a little bit of "insurance" to enable me to continue working past retirement if need be, or change to another role within my field that will provide a little more flexibility if needed. I have a few more options now, and if needed can use this degree as a stepping stone toward more education...although at this point I'm pretty burned out on that!

Wendy, thank you for starting this thread.  This has been a difficult week. It's hard to believe that a year has passed since my mom's hospitalization, which resulted in my seeking hospice care. During that time, my husband really showed some serious decline, and as I dealt with Mom's needs, I was also dealing with my husband's.  Calling his doctor was an exercise in futility: "He's too young," and "He'll have to be the one who comes in for an evaluation." Oh, boy. I have to say that I've made some headway after speaking to other medical staff at the same clinic, but at the same time, the doctor he had during an ER visit last fall made matters much worse by trying to "bring it out in the open" (his words) by telling my husband about my concerns, and saying that since the problems began to surface about 5 years ago, it's either a mental or psychological problem, or "just the way he is." Sheesh. We're doing the two steps forward, three steps back dance.

We watch the news in the morning--on a streaming news channel--and it's the same news we saw yesterday. When I point this out, my husband has no memory of having already seen it, and doesn't recall that we discussed what we watched.  If I put on the regular news, on a network station, my husband changes it back to the streaming channel where we watch the same repeated news stories. We put in a new shower surround, using tile, and for some reason he decided to use grout to put in the last tile. He even said, "I'm putting this piece on using grout." It was something he consciously did, even though it made no sense. When I questioned this,  he insisted on using the grout to adhere the tile piece. Needless to say, the piece fell off later, and it's a good thing nobody was in the tub at the time. This is our life now. I'm grieving for my mom, and grieving for my still-living husband. I appreciate the support on this board! 


Posted: Wednesday, March 27, 2019 12:38 PM
Joined: 5/14/2018
Posts: 250

oh Deb, I'm so sorry for all that you're going through. I'm sending you lots of love and strength. I hope you can find peace. 

xoxoxoxox -Kat