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I can't bear the thought of putting my husband in a nursing home!
Posted: Sunday, June 25, 2017 11:07 AM
Joined: 6/12/2017
Posts: 12

My husband is 92 and has been under the care of a neurologist for a while.  My doctor says that he should be placed in a nursing home because it is getting too much for me to handle on a daily basis.  He is SO loving to me - I feel that I am BAD for even thinking of putting him in a nursing home.  I do everything for him and he depends on me - like a child depends on his mother.  Every time I make up my mind to put him in a nursing home, I start to cry and feel so guilty - like a mother putting a child out.  I tried to talk to him about living in a nursing home and he says to me "why do you want to get rid of me - don't you love me any more?"  This is teatearing my heart out and I am SO confused.  My kids say that I must do this because at age 85 I cannot keep up with the daily caring he needs.  Also, he has absolutely NO appetite at all.  Is this normal?  He sleeps until 1 or 2PM every day and I think he gets up during the  night and walks around.  Some days I think I am losing MY  mind.  I am a religious person and pray to  God every day to help  me know what to do and to give me the strength and stamina to go on.  Do any of you feel this way when you had to put your loved one away in a home?
Lane Simonian
Posted: Sunday, June 25, 2017 5:32 PM
Joined: 12/12/2011
Posts: 4863

Welcome, dandee.  While you are free to post anywhere, not too many people come to this section of Alzconnected.  You might receive more responses by posting on the Spouse or Partner Caregiver forum.

Disrupted sleep is common feature of Alzheimer's disease (and loss of appetite may be fairly common as well).  I was fortunate in that my sister and I took turns taking care of my mother so that we did not have to put her into a care facility.  Finding the resources to keep a loved one at home is a challenge.  You will find those on this board advising you to do one or the other, but my own bias is to keep a loved one at home as long as possible.

With best wishes to you and to your husband.  

Posted: Sunday, July 23, 2017 3:32 AM
Joined: 7/22/2017
Posts: 11

my sister takes care of me I see she is tired and having hard time with work kids and me. I would rather be nursing hoime than watch her do this to herself

I have hard time cooking and I eat only soup and coffee because I cant cook the food I have so I hope to go facility soon.

my thoughts

Jo C.
Posted: Sunday, July 23, 2017 10:05 AM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 11495

Hello dear Brdy64, and a warm welcome.   You are a loving and thoughtful person.  Your sweetness shines very brightly.  I wish the very best for you.

I would like to invite you to go out to the grid that lists all the Forums where you first come in to this site.   Click on the Forum that says, "Young Onset."  

That is the Forum where most all folks who have dementia talk together.  It is a very welcoming and kind group and you will soon have new friends.

When you find "Young Onset," click on the green button on the top of the page that says, "Add Topic."

Then in the narrow box, put a topic; even just typing, "I Am New," will be fine.

Then drop down into the larger message area and type what you wish to say.

I hope to see you there.

With warmest thoughts being sent your way,


Lane Simonian
Posted: Monday, July 24, 2017 10:10 AM
Joined: 12/12/2011
Posts: 4863

I was going to make the same suggestion as Jo, and am pleased to see that you have already followed up on her suggestion.  Feel free to contribute on this forum, too.  There is a post on the spouse/partner forum on diet and Alzheimer's disease.  I did not really keep things on a very good track, but if you would like to write about your experience with diet there, you can.