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Wish I could use DH - this a rant which needs no response
Posted: Thursday, July 4, 2019 11:46 AM
Joined: 5/26/2018
Posts: 1

My husband has early onset dementia.

I wish I could say dear husband, but he is not that.  He has always been an a** and I should have left him long ago.  My friends and family cannot stand him; his four children from his first marriage do not communicate with him at all and have asked him to stop trying to contact them; he has no friends except one person who lives halfway across the country who he has known since childhood (and calling HIM a friend is a stretch).

I have been suffering from depression for decades.  I was depressed when I met him and was flattered by his attention.  I married him because I wanted to get away from my life as I knew it 30 years ago.  I got away into a worse life.  

My mother had an explosive temper and took it out on us kids.  That was part of the problem with my depression.  I was also born with a massive brain bleed, which 70 years ago, was hard to predict an outcome.   I have no residual disability except the depression.  (my younger brother had the same problems - birth brain trauma and subsequent depression) 

I was forced to retire early from my job due to the depression and have been on antidepressants and in counseling for 12 years.  My counselor recently had me do a type of sensory therapy often used with PTSD patients.  I have not felt this good about myself for as long as I can remember.

Unfortunately I now realize I don't love OR respect my husband, regardless of the dementia.  It is pretty mild at this point (just forgetfulness).  He is a manipulative, overbearing man who frequently says whatever comes to his mind, no matter how nasty or mean it is -  and he has done this as long as I have known him.  I used to take it because I hated myself. 

Now that I don't hate myself I feel trapped in a marriage that is dysfunctional. I ewill be back to write more at another time.

Posted: Thursday, July 4, 2019 12:14 PM
Joined: 9/8/2017
Posts: 2339

This is a good place to share our thoughts, feelings, and stories. Feeling trapped is an awful feeling. I understand. I look forward hearing more from you. Hang in there.
Posted: Thursday, July 4, 2019 12:53 PM
Joined: 5/16/2017
Posts: 876

I would see a lawyer about a divorce.  You have no obligation to take care of a person who has abused you.  Yes, you should have left long ago + you can still do it + be happier the remaining time of your life.
Posted: Thursday, July 4, 2019 1:37 PM
Joined: 7/12/2017
Posts: 1774

Yes, see a lawyer, I had a friend who was planning to divorce her husband, then he developed cancer, she stayed, he lived for 8 more years, she died within the year from yup cancer, she was healthy before she started caregiving.

She told me at the end she regrets not getting out as she planned, she gave her life up, literally for him.

You owe this man nothing.  You are owed a life, and divorce NOW while you can, while he is can still make a few decisions.

Save yourself, you have our permission

Posted: Thursday, July 4, 2019 4:24 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 20782

and we will be here
Posted: Sunday, September 15, 2019 1:39 PM
Joined: 6/12/2016
Posts: 2356

Dear Vicky, I sincerely hope you are well & safe! Honestly, I hope you have left him. Good luck and happiness to you!