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Staying Sane and Centered
barbaraannlevy
Posted: Saturday, May 5, 2012 9:59 AM
Joined: 4/26/2012
Posts: 32


It is easier for me today to do both of the above! I am living in NY and my Mom is in Florida. I tried to live near her for close to 4 years and lost my job and income so came back to NY where I am again working but only part-time and every so often beg my current employer to give me full-time status. I need more money now, a full-time job. That move undid my life. My work today keeps me sane. I also have a strong belief in God. I was raised Jewish, have sung in two gospel choirs and am a disbeliever in organized religion. I am spiritual and do meditate and pray to life, really or you can call that spirit God. This helps me so much. My faith helps me. When I feel crazy or when the realities, mine and hers don't line up I stop, get away from the problem psychologically or really and pray, let go of my need for control over it all. 

I tried to wrest her money away from her to prevent ruination but have lost that battle. She won't let me near it. I fear the worst; that she has lied and lied and lied some more. She gambles online. Fear, fear and more fear. I have to keep the focus on my life lest I lose it. I know how to do this. My Dad also had Alzheimers. He was also an Alcoholic, had lung cancer on top of it all. My Mom stayed in serious and dangerous denial of his Alzheimers of many years until she brought him to NY and I realized how bad it all was when I saw his disorientation and loss of control. I have attended Alanon for over 30 years so know how to detach with love. That is a process I can tell you. I found myself feeling so much anger and hatred toward my Mom who is in early stages of dementia. I have let go of that and now feel deep grief and that comes and goes. I am in NY now so feel more sane than when I was in Florida and especially in her home. She was incontinent last time, wet herself without realizing it when  I was there and did allow the nurses aides to have her wear Depends but this did not last and she went back to wearing underwear. She felt so much shame and humiliation when she realized it. So she is in and out of dementia. As I write this I am out of breath, feel anxiety; the same way I feel when I am with her, trying to help pay her bills. I will have to do this again this month when I visit her. When I step out of the mess that is Alzheimers I am me again, peaceful, centered, feel at home with myself. Meditation has been a lifesaver for me and I cannot recommend this highly enough. It is so important in my life.  

 


SadinHeart
Posted: Sunday, May 6, 2012 5:27 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 403


Barbara, if your mom is in South Florida, there are agencies there that can help you find an ALF or NH for her when the time comes.

 

My mom chose to go to an ALF when my dad passed away from AD. We had taken care of him at home with a private caregiver, but she wanted to be in a place where she could socialize and be with more people. We saw several nice ALF's in South Florida until she found one she liked. Unfortunately her AD deteriorated very fast once dad passed away and she passed away ten month later.

 

Having gone through this twice in less than one year I can understand the stress and anxiety you feel. The worst part is when they are still in a stage where they want to make the decisions and you know they need help.

 

The caregivers board helped me a lot. There are a lot of people there going through the same situation that are willing to help you and give advice.


barbaraannlevy
Posted: Tuesday, May 8, 2012 2:25 PM
Joined: 4/26/2012
Posts: 32


Thanks for your response. I do appreciate that you took the time to respond. I do feel so alone with this. I am in NY and she is in FL with caretakers who I don't much care for but they are there and she likes them so I am okay with that. I would like to get her moved into a place soon. I feel impotent since she does not want my help.
barbaraannlevy
Posted: Tuesday, May 8, 2012 2:25 PM
Joined: 4/26/2012
Posts: 32


What is an ALF?
SadinHeart
Posted: Tuesday, May 8, 2012 2:29 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 403


ALF stands for Assisted Living Facilities.

They take care of patients that can still do things on their own until they need more care for a Nursing Home.

 

I am going to send you a private message. I have never done this before so I am not sure how it works, but I hope you get it. I will give you the name of a company that does placements.

 

Good luck.

 

By the way, if you go to the first forum, the caregivers forum, you would get more responses. Not too many people come to this forum.


SadinHeart
Posted: Tuesday, May 8, 2012 2:54 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 403


No idea how to send a private message, so here is the company I am talking about, I hope they dont delete my post and if they do then maybe they can explain how I can contact you in private.

 

They are called Placement Counselors and they are located in South Florida. Good luck.

 

http://www.placementcounselors.com/ 


Mimi S.
Posted: Tuesday, May 8, 2012 6:37 PM
Joined: 11/29/2011
Posts: 7029


For private messaging without exchanging e-mails you both have to be 'connected' on connections. Go there for further instructions.
Jim Broede
Posted: Tuesday, May 15, 2012 8:09 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


SadinHeart wrote:

ALF stands for Assisted Living Facilities.

They take care of patients that can still do things on their own until they need more care for a Nursing Home.

 

I am going to send you a private message. I have never done this before so I am not sure how it works, but I hope you get it. I will give you the name of a company that does placements.

 

Good luck.

 

By the way, if you go to the first forum, the caregivers forum, you would get more responses. Not too many people come to this forum.


Come to musings if you want very thoughtful responses. You are more likely to get 'em here.--Jim