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My wish for a Yule-time miracle.
Jim Broede
Posted: Tuesday, December 15, 2015 12:32 PM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


I try to distance myself. From my friend Julie. So does her husband Rick. Because we are following conventional wisdom.  About how one should deal with an alcoholic. We’re told to get on with our own lives. And leave Julie grapple with her drinking problem. That only Julie can decide to quit. To stay sober.  We can’t do it for her.  When we try to badger Julie. Into treatment. We may be doing more harm than good. It’s the nature of alcoholics. To resist. To stay in denial. They have to take the initiative. On their own. All too often it takes a cataclysmic event. Before they finally ‘bottom out.’ Indeed, that can be a life-threatening scenario. My sister, for instance, fell asleep. In a drunken stupor. A lighted cigarette in her hand  Burned down her house. Escaped. Miraculously. That was 11 years ago. Hasn’t had a drink or a cigarette since. Now we’re waiting. Anxiously. For Julie's turn to see the light. Before it’s too late. I want one more miracle. For Julie. That’s my most fervent wish. As we head into the Christmas holidays.--Jim
Eden Desjardins
Posted: Tuesday, December 15, 2015 1:01 PM
Joined: 5/25/2015
Posts: 48


I hope the best works out for your friend, Jim. Addictions are horrible to deal with and speaking from experience with my brother, who dropped out of university because of drug addiction developed from mixing with the wrong crowd - it took a life threatening accident to make him see the light.

We tried to help but unfortunately, the charter of rights prevents us from doing all we wish to do to help the people we care for. Forced cold turkey might have been cruel but.. being cruel to be kind is so subjective. At least, that was what I really wanted to do to him.


Jim Broede
Posted: Saturday, December 19, 2015 11:50 PM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


I wonder. What it would be like. To be addicted to the truth. I’d like my good friend Julie. To try it. By replacing her addiction to alcohol. With a new addiction. To the truth.  In other words, Julie’s daily fix would be facing up to the truth. About herself. Now she’s a liar.  In denial. Of the truth. Occasionally, Julie tells us that she’s finally going to quit imbibing. But we all know better. She ain’t sincere. She’s fibbing. To all of us. But even worse, she lets herself down. She’s the habitual liar. Yes, a double whammy. A liar and an alcoholic.  It’s Christmas week. And poor Julie is on the path to self-destruction. I for one, won’t be celebrating. Won't be cheerful. If Julie comes to the party drunk. So disappointing. So sad. That is, unless Julie gives us reason to be cheerful. --Jim
Jim Broede
Posted: Thursday, December 24, 2015 7:01 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


In denial. Of  reality. That’s my friend Julie. She’s an alcoholic. And refuses to admit it. But I. And everyone. Are we all deniers? Of the reality. Of life. Pretenders. In the pursuit of happiness. Julie pretends that wine makes her happy. Momentarily contented. Because the wine obliterates her mind. Sends her into a stupor. That she thinks. Eases her pain. Her anguish. Her sadness. Meanwhile, I imagine becoming spirit. To escape my physical reality.  For a happier place. I claim  to be happy. Despite my yearning. For a better form of happiness. I want it all. Perfection. Even if that means hypnotizing. My brain. My mind. Into flights of fancy. --Jim
w/e
Posted: Thursday, December 24, 2015 1:51 PM
Joined: 3/7/2012
Posts: 1747


Life is about being perfectly imperfect. Failing is part of life. Past and/or present failures do not define the future. Presently, Julie is Julie. She is in whatever hell of a void she is in. And she is in it for a long haul. She simply cannot perform with the same kind of enthusiasm or grace that you try to bring to the effort... She is drowning in guilt. And the anxiety of despair. Soothe her. Comfort her. Accept her. Give her unconditional love. And reconciliation. Not lectures. Not condemnations. Eventually, she will make peace with herself. And she will forgive herself.

Hmm...  acceptance of the Self. In the here-and-now. Mere mortals...  In my humble opinion, "dreaming/ fantasizing" of immortality and /or paradise; it is false hope. It is like hoping to win the lottery to transform one's miserable existence.  I believe we become immortals when we occupy a space and time in the heart of others.  We are immortals in the archives of people's memories.

But, my dear Jim. Whatever gets you through the night. Go for it.

 

 


Jim Broede
Posted: Thursday, December 24, 2015 10:13 PM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


Hopes and dreams. They are one and the same, dear w/e. And some of my dreams come true. They are real. Being lived. No longer false. That doesn’t mean that every dream will come true. But hey, I insist on some degree of success. Beyond false hope.  Nothing stops me from dreaming beyond my physical existence.  To immortality.  To the impossible. I haven’t done it yet. But some day I will walk on water. And I’ll do it. On the very day that I believe I can do it. True belief is not an impossible dream. Not any more impossible than true love. I have the potential to achieve the impossible. In all sorts of ways and avenues. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. If only I truly believe. -Jim

 


w/e
Posted: Friday, December 25, 2015 1:19 AM
Joined: 3/7/2012
Posts: 1747


Hopes and dreams. One and the same. Hmm... 

 Hope is the desire and the search for a future good. Difficult but not impossible. Hope is the outcome of  courage. To have hope is to live a courageous life. It is to affirm life. A courageous life is a good life. Hope is the confidence to improve one's quality of life. With hope, we work in a disciplined and systematic way, with focus and determination, towards a goal. Hope is when one wants to get something done. It insists to break through all obstacles. We do not fear hope. It is based on reason.

Dream is the outcome of a fancy. Dream is something we fantasize about getting done.  With a dream a person could be deluded into thinking that something impossible is achievable. When the anxiety of despair is setting in and hope fades, a person seeks to avoid facing reality through dreaming. A dream is not based on reason. It is created in the imagination.... O, and the imagination is infinite!

A goal without a plan; it is a dream... The difference between hope and dream lies in fact.

It has been said that dreams are interludes which fancy makes. And dreaming is fond hoping.

 I hope for peace in this world... Difficult. But not impossible.


Jim Broede
Posted: Friday, December 25, 2015 3:21 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


There’s hope for Julie, dear w/e.  Isn’t there? Maybe even hope for mankind. Though that’s more unlikely. But certainly, there has to be hope for Julie.  True and remarkable and miraculous and loving hope. Not false hope. That’s what makes me a romantic idealist. And a hopeful dreamer, too. --Jim

 


Jim Broede
Posted: Friday, December 25, 2015 3:49 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


I like to lecture in poetic verse. In a language that makes a meaningful difference. --Jim
sharon11daugherty
Posted: Friday, December 25, 2015 8:35 PM
Joined: 8/6/2015
Posts: 1736


I was thinking anout Julie today. This bring one of the alcoholics most difficult. I did pray for a change for her.   Merry Christmas, Jim.

 


Jim Broede
Posted: Saturday, December 26, 2015 1:08 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


I try to see and portray my friends. As they are. Rather than sugar-coated. Thing is. They are my friends, period. Despite the blemishes. The imperfections. Real friends are accepted. Unconditionally. And who am I to judge? After all, I have my share of shortcomings. Such as writing about personal stuff like this. Anyway, I was at a gala Christmas party tonight. Over at my friend Julie’s place.  And I was musing. To myself. That many of Julie’s friends and relatives don’t know the real Julie. Nor the rigors and mayhem she’s going through. Because of her drinking problem. Some don’t even know that she’s an alcoholic. Because they see her infrequently. Not on a daily basis. I see Julie almost every day. And when I don’t. It’s most likely. Because Julie’s in her recluse stage. Which happens often. Whenever she’s drinking. She hides out. Anyway, at the Christmas party, Julie pulled herself together. And put on a good show. For the sake of visiting family – the ones that see Julie occasionally. Usually at special times. Such as Christmas.  I give Julie credit for her fine performance. Goes to show that Julie can abstain. For brief periods. Though it’s difficult. Julie, of course, tries to hide her drinking problem from others. Unfortunately, she even tries to hide it from herself.  Indeed, that’s the bitter and sad part. Yes, Julie’s continuing denial. But hey, I’ve learned. To take what I can get. A few days of a wonderfully sober Julie. That’s certainly better than nothing. Thank you, Julie. For a nice Christmas party. –Jim
Jim Broede
Posted: Saturday, December 26, 2015 11:34 PM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


Friend Julie doesn’t know how to take praise. Yes, give Julie a compliment. And an odd thing happens. She becomes embarrassed. And frequently takes offense.  As if she doesn’t deserve being lauded. Strange, isn’t it? Causes me to speculate that Julie has low self-esteem.  Which could be a contributing factor. For Julie being plagued by chronic depression. And why Julie has taken to drink.  Anyway, it’s a complicated self-destructive  situation. That needs to be resolved. Maybe in psychotherapy. I believe in Julie. So does husband Rick and her many friends. But there’s one big obstacle in the way. A lack of self-confidence. Julie doesn’t believe in herself. --Jim