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A HEARTFELT REMEDY FOR GUILT
Attrayo
Posted: Wednesday, December 21, 2016 9:49 AM
Joined: 12/20/2016
Posts: 4


I lost my mother to Alzhiemers Disease three months ago. Tragically, the years preceding her diagnosis had been years of emotional estrangement between she and I. I honestly didn't think there would exist anything on earth that could resolve my guilt. (We did bridge the gap, thankfully, when she was dying.)

A couple of years before her death, I'd discovered a wonderful book by James VanPraagh titled, Ghosts Among Us.  (Yes, at one time I, too, had been skeptical about books concerning such things as "ghosts"; but am so grateful that I stepped outside my comfort zone and purchased this book; that helped me understand and accept the fact that in spirit, our loved ones remain with us forever.)  This book provided me with a deep sense of comfort and peace where my father's death had been concerned.

Then, I lost my mother, too. Coincidentally, James VanPraagh had just published his newer book, Unfinished Business, What the Dead Can Teach Us About Life

Indeed, just as you might suspect, I cried as I read this second book. But my tears were healing tears!  They were healing, because I was beginning to understand the way that the loss of a loved one was never meant to be a horrible experience for those of us left behind.  James' book replaced my feelings of guilt and despair with new and comforting insights, peace and understanding I never could have otherwise imagined.

There are so many people who refuse to step outside their comfort zone and read a book written by an author who is a medium. My sincere hope is that if you suffer any guilt about the loved one you are either losing or have lost, you won't throw-out-the-baby-with-the-bathwater and refuse the amazingly healing tool of this wonderful book.

May God bless you and keep you in his tender loving care,

~Jeanie (JC) Cooke-Fredlund, Published Author 


Jim Broede
Posted: Thursday, December 22, 2016 10:29 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


Guilt is no more or no less than dealing with one’s conscience. Nothing wrong with that. Guilt is merely a reminder. Deal with it. By doing the right thing.  Next time. And if one can’t do that. Well, then learn to live with it. By getting on with life. We all do wrong things. Stuff that doesn’t jibe with our conscience. Thus we feel guilt. So be it. If one wants to feel better. Simply adjust. And start doing the right thing. Now. Maybe by making amends with one’s self. One is entitled to make mistakes. And to turn the mistake into learning experience. It’s an awakening. A pleasure. To feel guilt. Especially if one changes one’s ways. To become a better and more decent being.  Of course, some guilt is imagined. Or one doesn’t let go of guilt. But that’s reason to practice another virtue. That of forgiveness. Yes, forgive one’s self. Anyway, I’ve discovered that everything leads to goodness. Eventually. So-called bad turns into good.  Best to follow one’s nose. Out of the labyrinth. Into guilt-free happiness. --Jim

 


Jim Broede
Posted: Thursday, December 22, 2016 10:34 PM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


Problem is. One can care too much. To the point of being spread thin. One becomes exhausted. From overload. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. That spells trouble. One must recognize. That one can’t be all things to all people. One must make tough decisions.  Such as taking care of one’s self. Or one won’t be fit to care for others.  My dear Jeanne. With Alzheimer’s. Was in dire need of care. So was my elderly mother. In a city 300 miles away. Had to make a choice. Jeanne came first. Mother had to be relegated to another care-giver, my niece. I never felt guilty about that. Having recognized my limits.  And the circumstances.  Recognized that to be a decent and capable care-giver, I had to choose one or the other.  It was not a heart-wrenching decision. Because there was no doubt. Jeanne was my true love. The dearest and most important person in my life. Mother ranked second. Fortunately,  my mind was eased. Because my niece would be there for mother.  No need to go on a guilt trip. Yes, I’m good at avoiding guilt. After all, I’m aware. That I can’t be there for everyone in their moment of dire need. I can only do so much. And still retain my composure, my strength, my sanity. No reason to feel guilty about that. --Jim
Jim Broede
Posted: Saturday, December 24, 2016 4:29 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


 

I like the topic of guilt. And to address it. Head-on. So important. To rid one’s self of guilt. By doing the right thing. Even when initially it may seem like the wrong and selfish thing. Such as taking care of one’s self. Turns out, it’s really the right thing. In the long run. Because it makes one so much better. As the care-giver for others. The tired and mentally and physically exhausted and distraught care-giver tends to be a harmful care-giver.  Emitting bad vibes. The rested care-giver is more likely to emit good and positive vibes. Recognize a fact of life. Usually, there’s no ideal situation. Make the best of it. Without feeling massive guilt. A wee bit of guilt might be all right. Especially if one learns the art of forgiveness. Remember, it’s an imperfect world. Adapt. Make adjustments.  Put the guilt aside for a while. Fall in love. With life.  Despite the imperfections. You'll be the better for it. --Jim