I’m sure many of you have gone through this.  When, there is something you don’t care for or don’t want at all, but it doesn’t go away.  Then years later, you realize, it was something you were going to need eventually, or it was handy all along but you never appreciated it.   Never saw its worth.  Has that happened to you?

Ever since the isolated incident when my father had a seizure (most likely it was a seizure), I haven’t taken dad out on trips.  I still kinda want to, but either I have become really lazy or I’m afraid something will happen outdoors. 

Almost every Sunday, I would take him out to the beach during warm season or the park in the winter. I think we enjoyed the beach more.  Just an hour stroll along the concrete strip next to the sand and waves (him in transport chair, me pushing along).  Seeing all the beach bums watching us watching them (Who’s stranger?  Not us).  Even though it was quite a workout transferring him from car seat to chair, chair to car seat, we still managed. Well, most of the time. 

Lately I wonder, “How did I do all that??”  And I can’t figure out how I would go back to all that.  It’s like I wish there were more hours in the day to fit that in again. But then again, it is peaceful not doing all that anymore and I just use the Hoyer lift to put him in his chair and then I take him outside in the yard for a bit.  We just sit there.  Him yacking away and me sitting there listening to whatever he’s talking about.  We take selfies too.

We don’t have shade outside.  Or not enough of it. I never cared to buy an outdoor furniture set with shade, because I don’t plan to stay here when this phase of our lives is over.  I figure, less junk for the U-Haul. 

However, there is this one tall tree in my neighbor’s yard that I have hoped in the past would be put down.  I kinda hated that tree.  Such an annoying thing there….blocking my view.  It’s right next to my bedroom too.  Whenever there are strong winds, I watch that d@mn tree sway and hope it doesn’t land in my bedroom pinning me.  But it’s a cypress tree, and I’m not sure how strong the roots are.  I imagine it’s deep rooted.  So maybe that won’t happen. 

And I’ve wished it would grow its roots into my neighbor’s pipes so they can finally cut it down and kill it.  I have  never asked them to bring it down, because I don’t want any problems and they are nice neighbors.  They water my orange tree that I never care for.  I just like the juice.  Tasty fruit. I think it’s a hybrid. 

One time my sister tried asking my neighbor if they could remove it because it’s blocking view. I never asked my sister to do that….she’s a trouble maker.  I told her not to do that anymore and stay out of my business (even though I’ve complained about it often to her…nag nag nag).

I heard my neighbor gave her a dirty look and no comment. Of course, cutting down a tree that size is mucho $$$ dinero.  Maybe that’s why it thrives…

Anyway, back to the point of this long dull story.  Now, I’m glad the tree is here after all. I don’t want it to go.  Dad and I sit underneath its shade.  And it gives just enough of shade for us. The time of day we sit outside happens to be the same time the sun is behind the tree.

Thank you, ugly tree, for being here to teach me how to be grateful and see your worth.

Ahhh! You get deeper and deeper. Wit and wisdom. I love it!

Rest, my dear, rest under the shadow of a tree. Let the tree envelop you con un fuerte abrazo. Let it welcome you and your papi. The heavens above es su casa. And su casa es tu casa.

 I've heard it say that once in a while in a tree you see a spirit of one alive. There is a tree frondoso in my patio. I talk to it.  When I am feeling lonely and somewhat lost, I go to it and hug it. I breathe in its strength, confidence, determination, and courage to be.