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ruthmendez
Posted: Thursday, February 11, 2021 11:35 PM
Joined: 9/8/2017
Posts: 2332


New Year!!! 

And this will be my year! Hurray!

Wish you the best (or at least something better).

 https://www.japantimes.co.jp/life/2021/01/01/lifestyle/2021-year-ox/

And, dad is still ok (in hospice again and I think he probably doesn’t  need it yet...but hospice accepted him).

I over hydrated him, I guess...wasn’t paying attention to his sodium intake and it caused another seizure.

WTF

Not the greatest caregiver.

However, he still smilin’

 


ladyzetta
Posted: Friday, February 12, 2021 11:09 AM
Joined: 2/16/2017
Posts: 1497


Awwwww!    Ruth you are the best caregiver. You love your Dad and he is lucky to have you there for him. I love his smile. Give him a Big Hug from me. Hugs to you both. Zetta
ruthmendez
Posted: Friday, February 12, 2021 1:40 PM
Joined: 9/8/2017
Posts: 2332


Hugs to you too ladyzetta! And Happy Valentines !

 https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vnfGni4_RlI


ladyzetta
Posted: Friday, February 12, 2021 3:05 PM
Joined: 2/16/2017
Posts: 1497


Thank You for the Cute Video.  Happy Valentines Day to you and your Dad as well.
chrisp1653
Posted: Saturday, February 13, 2021 1:34 AM
Joined: 1/23/2017
Posts: 1307


Ruthie, I think I know that feeling. You know, the one you get when someone tells you how wonderful you are as a caregiver.  I still cringe when I hear that, because I know I was less than perfect in caring for Barbara. Less than less than perfect !

I can still remember specific instances where my level of caring was just about at gutter level, but no one wants to hear those things. They only remember seeing Barbara with a smile on her face, or seeing me during one of my attempts at getting her up from her commode, or trying to feed her.

From my perspective, I sucked as a caregiver, but from others ? They saw me as an angel.

But maybe, just maybe... Maybe I wasn't quite as bad as I think. I mean, Barbara always smiled at me after I got her situated back in her chair, or the bed. She always told me she loved me before we went to sleep at night.

Maybe love is more powerful than I think.

Just maybe.


George K
Posted: Saturday, February 13, 2021 6:43 AM
Joined: 12/16/2011
Posts: 2820


One thing I learned while trying to care for my wife was: Perfection is not an option. 

One other thing I learned: I was the most loving husband I knew how to be at the time under the circumstances.  I think what I need to learn nowadays is self-love.


ladyzetta
Posted: Saturday, February 13, 2021 11:52 AM
Joined: 2/16/2017
Posts: 1497


Chrisp & George,

I also was a caregiver for my DH. I totally understand what you are saying and how you feel. I did the best I could and when the time came I realized my best was not good enough I had to place my DH in a M C facility. I know I did the right thing but the guilt never seems to go away.

Chrisp,  you were a angel for giving Barbara all the loving care you did and she rewarded  you with her loving smiles. I love the picture of her, you took real good care of her.

George, your love came through while caring for your DW please remember that and we all know there is no thing as perfection. Now its time to love yourself.

Hugs to you both, Zetta 

 


MissHer
Posted: Saturday, February 13, 2021 2:04 PM
Joined: 11/13/2014
Posts: 2368


Sending hugs Ruth. You really are an sweetheart.
ruthmendez
Posted: Monday, February 15, 2021 8:14 PM
Joined: 9/8/2017
Posts: 2332


Thx fellow Dementia caregivers! I do feel my level of caregiving has gone down and I’m aging. 

Don’t have the same energy as when I started. Before I felt frustrated as heck at times but determined. Now I feel frustrated the same but less energetic.

Of course dad gets kisses (funny because that is new, never kissed my parents growing up), and he is so cute, but God darn*. 

I just don’t know.  I have bad thoughts of wanting this to be over, yet I’m not sure what that will be like for me. Caregiving for him for some time now...not sure if I know anything else.

Not sure when dad and I would be ready!

Aye yai yai

 


chrisp1653
Posted: Tuesday, February 16, 2021 12:13 AM
Joined: 1/23/2017
Posts: 1307


Ruthie, I can't quite decide how different it is for you and your dad compared to me and my Barbara, but I can tell you this.

I complained and grumped every time I had to do anything that was not easy. Commode times were the worst, because Barbara's Parkinson's disease would have her legs going everywhere except where I wanted them to.  I was very vocal, even though I knew Barbara couldn't help herself.

The worst part was me wishing it was over ; Wishing she would pass and let me get on with life.

Then, it really was over. 8:20 pm, Sunday night, December 20. Cold skin, bluish lips, no more breathing. And I would have given ANYTHING for a little bit more time.

Funny, I thought I was ready, but I think now that no one is truly ever fully ready. We always want that last few minutes, or hours, or days. We want to say I love you, or I'm sorry, or any of a hundred different things that only occur to us when it's too late.

I'm not trying to make you feel guilty , Ruthie, but this is how it was, and is, for me.

For what it's worth, Ruthie, I think you're really a very good caregiver, and  a kind of role model to us other caregivers who have read your posts. I note that you joined AlzConnected about 8 months after I did, and even though I consider that I have written a lot of posts, you have over 1000 more than I do. I think it says something about the character of a person who writes that much - spilling her guts out in a way that helps every one of us who reads her words.

Thanks Ruthie !


MissHer
Posted: Friday, March 26, 2021 10:38 PM
Joined: 11/13/2014
Posts: 2368


Hi Ruth

  How's it going? Are you able to get out anymore?  


ruthmendez
Posted: Tuesday, March 30, 2021 12:27 AM
Joined: 9/8/2017
Posts: 2332


Hi Deb. Still the same over here. Only get out for work and grocery shopping. 

Woo...hoo.

And this year not so great after all.  Nothing to do with dad but with another family member who’s in trouble.  Not a happy happy happy time.  

 

 

 

 


chrisp1653
Posted: Tuesday, March 30, 2021 3:06 PM
Joined: 1/23/2017
Posts: 1307


So Ruthie, what you're saying is that up is still a long way down.
MissHer
Posted: Tuesday, March 30, 2021 3:42 PM
Joined: 11/13/2014
Posts: 2368


I'm sorry Ruth. I'm rejoining you in dementia land, round two. lol
ruthmendez
Posted: Tuesday, March 30, 2021 5:14 PM
Joined: 9/8/2017
Posts: 2332


Chris, it appears to be if ever up.  I’m not sure if I have too many control issues that when things I’m not involved with gets destructive and then at the end it’s too late to do anything but watch things goes to waste.   I’ve distanced myself from family and now someone is in bad trouble and now I cannot do anything to help other than pray.  It makes me very mad and I feel heartbroken.  

Deb, oh no! Why do we keep doing that ?!