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It's not the same
Waiting for a cure
Posted: Saturday, September 1, 2012 1:54 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 295

Friend's not seen her mom in at least two weeks,

"Life's been busy, you know"
Her mom lives a mere drive away
It's not like she really couldn't go.
And not like they didn't talk on the phone
Just last night....about family dinner on Labor Day.
As I listened to her bemoan her troubles,
I just didn't know what to say.
"At least your mom's alive and well!" 
I fought back the words that would just offend
One of the few who have been there all along
Not just a fair weather friend.
I can't divulge my occasional jealousy 
when her mom makes her favorite dish
and when just to hear my mom's voice again
is my every day and night-long wish.

Posted: Saturday, September 1, 2012 7:33 AM
Joined: 8/30/2012
Posts: 70

Hugs to you! I'm just coming to terms with this ALZ road my mom and I are now on. and I don't have any friends that are in this situation. Though they are very supportive, I don't think they realize how much my life has changed. Things that I thought were important, just aren't anymore. I am now experiencing the same thoughts running through my head when they talk about calling their mom...what a pain she is...I think how much I miss my morning calls with my mom...


I love your poem too...that is how I cope also, writing it in a poem seems to work for me too. You are not alone, and because you shared your thoughts and feelings, I know that i'm not either,..Thank you!


Jim Broede
Posted: Saturday, September 1, 2012 10:09 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462

I'm very fortunate. In that my mom and my dear Jeanne have been dead for years. But I can  still hear their voices. Spirits do talk. I hear 'em all the time. Because I tune in. From within. No reason to be jealous. You can do it, too. --Jim
dutiful deb
Posted: Saturday, September 1, 2012 11:01 AM
Joined: 1/1/2012
Posts: 1896

Beautiful and heartfelt, and described my feelings. In my 46 years, Mom and I had our ups and downs, but I am choosing to focus on the good times, which I miss. Her wisdom and listening ear, her banana bread and home cooked meals, everything. I am letting go of the hurts and embracing the healing. Thanks for sharing this.
Posted: Saturday, September 1, 2012 4:26 PM
Joined: 9/1/2012
Posts: 1

Someone said to me the other day, "I know its hard, but hang in there.  You'll miss them when they're gone."  That is true, but with ALZ its not the same as other geriatric illnesses I"ve had to experience with family.  My mom is already not the person she was most of the time.  You start to grieve what you've lost before the person has passed because you are already gradually losing them long befoe that happens.  I try to force myself to spend time with her and enjoy any glimpse of the way she used to be.  Those times are getting fewer and further between.  I have a hard time remembering the good times we used to have before this.  Will those memories come back?
Waiting for a cure
Posted: Saturday, September 1, 2012 5:01 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 295

My mom passed away in January, and after processing a lot of grief, memories of her before she was ill have come back, first as fleeting memories triggered by being somewhere she and I were together.  Recently, I have had dreams about she and I being together when she was healthy and happy.  Sometimes it feels like I must have spent the whole night with a long dream about her.  When I wake up, I give thanks for what feels like a visit from her, and sometimes I really have a big cry, feeling the loss quite newly again.  This grief process is complicated.