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rant on lack of family support and narcissists
alz+
Posted: Wednesday, September 14, 2016 8:36 PM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3608


I am weak and shaking from dealing with my narcissist mother and sick brother and sister so came to this one safe place to vent.

My father 20 +years ago committed to giving me minimum allowed support when I could no longer work.  After he died I sold my house and moved away to cheaper living and 5 years later I could not work. I asked my mother if she would start giving me that financial aid. She said "No." I asked why. She said "things changed" and smirked. This is a tell of the NPD, they gloat at causing pain. She just loves it when my sister or brother torment me, that smirk! and this woman is 96! my whole life dogged by her cruelty, have had enough and was drawing the line.

My mother has been phoning me every day for some time even though I have written her explaining I do not use the phone now, and she can not hear on phone and taunts me with "speak up" "take care of yourself" "what fun I just had" and on and on. Having had it, I answered and tried just talking over her and - surprise surprise - she heard every freaking word. She has insisted I tell her I am fine and I told no and I refuse to pretend anymore. When I stand up for myself she tries different techniques to get her way, asking, demanding, threatening, angry, and crying, claims she can't understand "what's wrong with" me. 

I asked if she really wanted to know what is "wrong" with me and she said "yes"so I said I would write to her and explain it again and spent a week or month composing a letter and whittling out anything but factual statements and what my wishes are. I told her I had ALZ just like my dad, had difficulty speaking esp on phones, that she had been untrustworthy and her calling gave me more anxiety than was good for me. 

I also sent a page accounting the financial losses from having to take disability and cash my annuity and spend off our savings on home repair and life. No criticism, just the facts.

 i had to take disability at 50% or less of what I had earned, and earned doing hard manual labor 6 days a week for 12 years while helping care for him. I worked since I was 13 but made better money as massage therapist for 12+ years so put in 6 days a week to earn enough for retirement. Later I was diagnosed with younger onset ALZ, same as my dad. I had an annuity which I had to cash to support us as my husband's job was minimum wage. then I had house repairs and that cooled our savings.  Now I need my husband's full time care so he can not work and hence his SS benefits will be reduced if he outlives me.

She has been doing some illegal things which can cost me or my children in fines or other things because she feels she is above the law. I asked if they were still doing that and said because of my dementia if they have any further papers for me to sign they will go to my lawyer, who in reality I should be using but don't feel we can afford it.

Since my Dad died the 3 of them have used derision and game playing against me with the finances in family trust. They all signed a paper saying I should be banned from family trust information, banned me from communicating with their sleazy broker. It was humiliating and cruel.

my sister used social media to taunt me, posting that I am not "dying" or that I can "type so how bad can it be". Nice. All of them are supporters of a candidate I don't like so they send me crap and talk racist bs which makes me ill. I cut her off FB and email and she was fine with that. good riddance to me the worthless so and so etc.

I found some really good info on daughters of narcissistic mothers and family dynamics and decided to stop being their scapegoat, was feeling better, getting a sense of myself being worthwhile, and still was happy to have helped mom with my dad and after mom's stroke, but now is my time....Well today my brother wrote me an insane text claiming mom had shit all over his house again and needed to go to a nursing home (he is old alcoholic and his wife left him after he moved my mother into their house and she tormented the wife for 8 years) and implied mom's behavior was my fault and Obama's and used his worst language, and claims that now "she has to travel to Florida in order to see a doctor" (they pretend she lives there to avoid income taxes) and he was going to have to rent a place there and on and on. She has been seeing a doctor once a week for years where she is! It is all crazy lies as far as I can tell.

I am also distressed because winter is coming and things need to be done to prepare house for cold and wet which are beyond me, we have not had money to finish electric in house repairs, I am not capable of pulling off a garage sale and warm days are over to hold one anyway, am not able to follow bills and found out I still owed oral surgeon $280, my son never calls anymore, the dog is limping again, I can not sleep and anxiety is coming back like a tsunami.

I am just sick. I do not want to see any of them again. I will have to ask lawyer what it would cost to probe their scheming and find a way to pay for it or my suspicions will drive me over the edge.

When I am upset my husband kind of backs away so I feel more lonely. No one has ever stood up for me and I am heartbroken there is no one even now.

I have no idea why my mother shits in the house except to feed off my broken brother as he cries while cleaning it up. My priest said this is my time to prepare for the end and seek peace.

if I did not have this online support I am afraid of what I might do. I suspect there are many people who have been deserted by family members when they got ALz or other illness and I have cautioned to let the unfriendlies go as you do not want them in your life when things are so hard. Taking my own advice but how painful this is.

Well there, I feel tears beginning so maybe a hot bath and a couple puffs will help me get a good sleep.

my heart goes out to anyone else dealing with vipers and a**holes. I wrote my brother "good luck" but dread further email attacks. This is not right.

what strength one needs to die in peace. I refuse to let them cheat me out of anything else but will I be able to handle all it takes to protect myself and my children?

good God. I want to be free of them all.



alz+
Posted: Wednesday, September 14, 2016 8:50 PM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3608


My family equates my dementia with "being crazy" and use that by telling people I am crazy.  (before diagnosis I was told I was bi-polar and was not but it sticks)

diabolical.  I wish some days the dementia would weaken my self control so I could lash back but probably should just bite the bullet and see lawyer.

if I was not on the oil I would not fight it, and I think I would not be so frustrated as it makes it clear how much there is to be taken care of and yet I just can't do it.

also my 1 mile walks while strengthening my legs and being fun, resulted in exhaustion and pain. feel like I am in no win situation, guess that is the truth.

bless you all for being my friends through this. some days if it weren't for bad luck there's be no luck at all or something like that.

one more thing, they think of themselves as the real Christians, opposed to me the commie unwanted one. let it be, not my problem, and yet it sure feels like it is.

I am deeply afraid of them.

anyone have suggestion on how my husband might possibly intercede on my behalf? They dislike him and he can have short temper with them, I am sure much of the refusal to offer financial assistance is to keep him from benefitting in any way.

dealing with these folks are like walking amongst poisonous snakes. I don't want him to make things worse with them, but how much worse can it get?


Iris L.
Posted: Wednesday, September 14, 2016 9:05 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 18354


Your mom is not going to change, Alz+.  Do what you have to do to build yourself up.  You are a fountain of goodness and strength at times.  I have learned a lot from you, especially about "smiles."  


Your family is missing out.  Too bad for them!


Keep yourself calm, Alz.  Hug your dog and smile!


      {{{{{{{{ Alz+ }}}}}}}}


Iris L.




llee08032
Posted: Wednesday, September 14, 2016 10:30 PM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4408


You're mother, brother and sister are quite the triad and what's happening with the family dynamics is what is known as triangulation with you as the scapegoat and outcast. The more you protest the more they triangulate against you and join forces. You are the glue that holds the triangle together. I once had a college professor explain personality disordered traits and narcissistic traits as being woven into the fabric of the persons being. Your mother is "unchangeable"and you cannot change her or the situation.  She cannot change. She won't change.

Remember calling her is like dialing 1-800 PAIN. 

There's no ryhme, ration or reason to what she does and it all has to do with her. You represent your father to her and it sounds like she did not like him very much and was jealous of your closeness to him. When you remove yourself from the triangle it weakens. 

The 4 Most Common Narc-Sadistic Triangulation Tactics

https://relationshipedia.me/.../the-4-most-common-narc-sadistic-triangula...
May 13, 2015 - There is already a lot of information about triangulation on the internet and the reason why is it's one of the favorite manipulation tools used by ...

alz+
Posted: Thursday, September 15, 2016 12:19 AM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3608


Iris and L lee - you are the best.

I am starting to be aware of what is happening while it is happening.

Interested in how I not participate in triangulation.

also very likely they are cheating me (oh yeah, ALZ paranoia and baseless suspicions) because they have before.

I sometimes fixate on what is over - esp that with this understanding I worked so diligently and tried to be smart about when my body would quit, only to be screwed by my own mother. This is very real to me, I feel robbed and my lawyer thought it was creepy.

Do I try to investigate through lawyer or let it all go? if i had all my faculties I would try to get my rights in order and protect myself and heirs from any trouble.

worn out now, might even sleep.

I will look this up online tomorrow. I guess no one can stand in the way of their abuse, there is no protection.

love your kind words, you are both wonderful, strong, insightful women. love you


Iris L.
Posted: Thursday, September 15, 2016 12:34 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 18354


alz+ wrote:

Interested in how I not participate in triangulation.




Alz+, YOU are the passive participatoree in this dance.


Don't give them the power.  Do whatever you have to NOT to give in.  (Don't listen to or talk to them.)


Iris L.


alz+
Posted: Thursday, September 15, 2016 7:46 AM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3608


Iris - woke up anxious but once again, you are helping me. not sure what is real.

my heart has begun to race, feeling overwhelmed and panic .maybe the dog will come up to my bed soon.

now i worry it waswrong to post personal detail- no brakes. i was doing so good!

L lee seems to know how this works, did find more info online.

well, hope to get back in my body by noon.

feels so good to have normal smart and kind people to turn to!


Iris L.
Posted: Thursday, September 15, 2016 11:45 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 18354


Alz+, what you posted to the sister of a PWD was so insightful, and it probably was off the top of your head.  But the top of your head reveals what is in your heart.  You are a smart person and you are inspirational.  I might even say that you are BRILLIANT in the area of living with dementia.  I draw a lot of inspiration from you.


At this time in our lives, we have to become more deliberate  about uplifting our spirits.  This means maintaining our boundaries and bringing in things that soothe us and otherwise uplift us.  Set time aside for uplift!  Whatever it takes!


Iris L.


Michael Ellenbogen
Posted: Thursday, September 15, 2016 12:05 PM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 4384


Do not worry about us in reference to your post. That is why we are here. If you feel uncomfortable for putting it her and concerned that someone may see it then feel free to delete the thread. I have already done that when I had second thoughts. Do what makes you feel good and not us.

 


Unforgiven
Posted: Thursday, September 15, 2016 3:23 PM
Joined: 1/28/2013
Posts: 2659


Dear Alz,  I've seen President Obama get blamed for a lot of things, but your mother pooping in the house ought to get some kind of special award for being really out there.  It made me laugh, even if you can't see the humor in it yet.

It sounds to me as if your mother may have some dementia issues of her own, so try not to take her too seriously.  I could write the book on toxic family patterns.  Evdry family needs a scapegoat so the rest of them  can ignore their own craziness, and I recognize what they're doing to you.  It's not you, it's them.

I wish I had some magic advice, other than merely sending you strength-vibes over the net.


w/e
Posted: Thursday, September 15, 2016 7:43 PM
Joined: 3/7/2012
Posts: 1747


Alz+

Firstly, hugs and a zillion kisses.

 ......

triangulation...

 knots... strangulation...

some members of the family... dysfunctional....

 suffocation...  

 siblings and saplings, 

in-laws and out-laws,

sometimes quite difficult.

......

YIKES!

......

Dear e-friend, be serene. Serene as water.

You, be you.

You do, your do.

Maintain your courage. Your clarity of purpose. The kindness of your compassionate heart. And, more importantly, your inner peace.



 


alz+
Posted: Thursday, September 15, 2016 9:52 PM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3608


thank you all.

Michael I guess this spilling of maybe too much info is another part of my ALZ. (are you out in boat yet?)

My husband gave me a massage today, I could barely move and am so tired. I did go for a slow walk with my dog and sent my brother a message regarding his fear of being held responsible for Mom's death.

Unforgiven - she has had strokes but her cruelty has been there since I was born and that story I will keep to myself. My brother is hard to decipher but I can tell he suspects she is doing things just to get off on watching him breakdown trying to please her.

the poop "all over house" made him cry a month ago and maybe it is from medications or a physical problem. I told him to call his minister and get help moving her to a nursing home and that it is the kindest thing to do for her even when she throws a fit over it.

I can not stop caring but Iris knows I have weak boundaries and I am doing my best to not let them take advantage of my dementia.

I am worried about what not being able to clean up myself and imagine my husband yelling and leaving me. So took it to prayer and calmed myself more. 

L lee - in reading about NPD and families the scapegoat is also the truth teller and hated for exposing the family for what they are and do in secret. 

Iris - thanks for kind words on the sibling post, my "over sensitivity" from living with npd mother made me able to read people easily, and that is a help and a curse.

also read from a very strange site: npd people can not flip on the switch of paralysis in others if one wear sunglasses! they can not see if they are getting to you and it makes them target someone else. 

all kinds of weird out there in trying to deal with them. largest vote is No Contact and use lawyer.  Hope she is put in nursing home this weekend. Dying sometimes is hard work, hope she comes to terms with her life. 

doing better with avoiding election chaos, recorded some movies. you all helped so much and I feel your support. thank you so much.



llee08032
Posted: Friday, September 16, 2016 7:38 AM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4408


((((Alz+))))

You are going to get through this. Your insight is on track about what is transpiring. Get back into the safe place and avoid all communications until then. No one can touch you when your in your safe place. None of this is your fault and you are courageous for putting it out there. I'm sure many secretly relate to your post. We love you!

L lee - in reading about NPD and families the scapegoat is also the truth teller and hated for exposing the family for what they are and do in secret. 

That's right the truth teller is hated for exposing the family and the narcissist projection of perfection. The truth teller is also known as the "symptom bearer" of the family dysfunction and in my opinion the most "normal" person in the family. 


BlueSkies
Posted: Friday, September 16, 2016 2:48 PM
Joined: 2/24/2016
Posts: 1096


Alz+ I am so sorry you are still suffering from family abuse.  I know how you feel.  I have been the scapegoat and truth teller all my life with my family.  I know and feel your pain.  I have cut it off completely with most my family as the stress and pain of dealing with it all just became too much.  You are a wonderful person and don't deserve their abuse anymore.  I hope and pray that you are able to do whatever it takes to stop their abuse and harassment.  You are strong and I know you will get through this.  Look what you have already gotten through.  Hang in there and ride this through.  You will be able to laugh about this later  We are here for you!
julielarson
Posted: Friday, September 16, 2016 7:09 PM
Joined: 9/30/2015
Posts: 1155


Oh honey when those who are supposed to love us and care for us are asses we can not help but look around and think who else will abandon us who are supposed to care for us? My heart is breaking for you as I read what you are going through.. Remember you are loved and cared for by us people on here.. Iris and Ilee are giving you wonderful advise and you are smart enough to follow it. I am going to say reiki for you tonight.. Big hugs dear friend.
Unforgiven
Posted: Friday, September 16, 2016 10:26 PM
Joined: 1/28/2013
Posts: 2659


Alz, I know we can't turn off how much we care for our family members, but in this case you are fighting to keep your own head above water.  You have the absolute right to protect yourself from toxic family members because . . . you're good enough, you're smart enough, anf, goshdarnit, people like you.
alz+
Posted: Friday, September 16, 2016 10:27 PM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3608


do we understand how important this message board is?

I am feeling much more myself! a very long sleep, some shaky legs & difficult to speak hours things cleared up and I am out of the grip of anxiety.

husband took me out grazing at st vincent de paul thrift store in morning to cheer me up.

as I was writing this a mouse ran in my little bedroom, it sprang off the floor so I yelled and Keeper escorted me out and back to bed downstairs, now he is setting a trap.

I am a little out of it but every response here made a huge difference. I also think the reiki might have put me to sleep for so long.

going to close my eyes, window open and cool air coming in. leaves are turning.

my friends here make the world a better place, happy when you think I've been of benefit now and then too.

love and courage  


jfkoc
Posted: Saturday, September 17, 2016 10:06 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 21127


Alz+ you have reminded me of the night I turned over in bed and a mouse was looking straight at me. I had seen him in the kitchen and paid no attention but there he was next to me...he could have run over my face. Afraid? No. Angry? Yes. I yelled at him that he had gone too far. I ran down to the kitchen for a broom but he was, of course, gone.

So you are a "thrifty". I have a friend who lives in Ph---s who you have likely seen grazing. She also goes to a special resale close. I will find out the name for you.

 


Iris L.
Posted: Saturday, September 17, 2016 1:30 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 18354


Does anyone keep cats in their homes?  Just sayin'.  I have four, but I think only one would be a good mouser.


Iris L.


BlueSkies
Posted: Saturday, September 17, 2016 3:55 PM
Joined: 2/24/2016
Posts: 1096


I have a crazy story about a mouse to tell.   DH was sitting on the couch watching tv in our first home we bought together.  I came down stairs and glanced at him and noticed a mouse sitting on his shoulder watching tv with him ( I'm sure it just looked like it, lol).   We have a cat.  He thought it was the cats paw on his shoulder.   I screamed at him that there is a mouse on him.  He jumped up and the mouse took off frightened.  We saw him later in the kitchen.  We just could not kill him.  He was so cute and he kept looking at us as if he wanted something.  Yes, I know we are a bit crazy, but just don't like killing anything that can look you in the eye.   Anyway, DH had a great idea.  He put a piece of cheese on the floor a couple feet away from the mouse.  Fixed a plastic bowl over it propped on a pencil with a string tied to the pencil.  Looked like something he saw in a cartoon, lol.   The mouse took the cheese so fast that DH was not quick enough to catch him.   I enjoyed the show though.  The funniest part though is that the mouse took his cheese to eat in the drawer under the oven that was open.  That mouse was so interested in the cheese that DH was able to slowly pull the drawer out and walk out into the woods and let the mouse go.  We laughed about that for a long time.  We are just two softies
Iris L.
Posted: Saturday, September 17, 2016 4:57 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 18354


Blue Skies, that is a cute mouse story.  I like to see living creatures in their natural environment, not my home.  Although, when I was a teen I had a mouse for a pet.  I got it at the dime store.  Now, I can't remember why I wanted a mouse as a pet.  We also had hamsters and birds.  Only caged animals were allowed in apartments in those days.


Iris L.


BlueSkies
Posted: Saturday, September 17, 2016 10:00 PM
Joined: 2/24/2016
Posts: 1096


Ha!  That's funny Iris.  I also had a pet mouse when I was a teen.  He was a little white one and his name was,  Alfie.  He was adorable.  I had forgotten about that until I read your post.  No wonder I can't kill a mouse, lol.
The_Sun_Still_Rises
Posted: Sunday, September 18, 2016 6:27 AM
Joined: 7/24/2015
Posts: 3020


((Hugs))...you are a beautiful lady, with such a beautiful heart and soul. 

Having been married a man with NPD once, I certainly get some things about the experience of being with one.  I found that no one I spoke with ever quite got it. 

Nothing like being close someone NPD make you feel crazy.  They biggest hallmark is they lies...they can change their story mid sentence and no trip over it.  First the sky orange, then it green...like the rules they game change constantly and you can never keep up.

They always make you sorry for loving them...like they take pleasure make you pay for it.  It take literally everything out of you be close a person NPD.  No one comes out unscarred.

They never responsible for things they do...ever. 

But for outsiders, those no close the person NPD...the person knows with great skill how appear like victim.  They so skilled at getting people do for them, it can be stunning.  The world think the world of people with NPD, until you get close them...and it so hard get help with them. 

Most never get dx'd.  My husband did, as he would tell his therapist how his mother abused him visciously (get his therapist feel sorry him), and then...when I gave a different pov why his mom did something, that he did no mind...suddenly his mom a saint who could do no wrong.  All in one session. 

People with NPD are similar psychopaths...as they literally do no get you have feelings.  If tested with facial emotion cards, could no read them.  They can no love you.  Unfortunately, with a mother, you literally NEED their love. 

I imagine children of parents with NPD like those monkey babies with the wire mothers they pictured long ago.  You should be very proud you self for having grown up into a wonderful caring woman...as you did that all on you own...and despite everything.  You have much be proud of.  You not you mother...nor are you any reflection of her...nor does her no loving you in any way cast a shadow on you.  You a child this universe.  You are arguably an advanced soul.  You came overcome many hardships...and gained a host of strength and skills in the process. 

But I know, believe me, I know...even the strong, we do no feel so strong sometimes.  Sometimes we don't want have always be so strong.  Sometimes we just want someone lean on.  Sometimes we just want a hug from our mommies.  And be told it will be ok.  I am so, so sorry...that for so many of us, that we have be that for ourselves.  I wish upon wish I could carry some of your load for you for a while...make the journey a little less hard bear. 

All I can say is, this place was never our home...I don't think it was meant be a pleasant journey.  Please do no ever forget that you have a whole circle of people who love and adore you, and are so much better because their involvement with you. 

I care a great deal about you my friend.

<3


llee08032
Posted: Monday, September 19, 2016 8:23 AM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4408


I am feeling much more myself! a very long sleep, some shaky legs & difficult to speak hours things cleared up and I am out of the grip of anxiety.

Toxic family interactions cause us to have emotional hangovers. 


BlueSkies
Posted: Monday, September 19, 2016 11:28 AM
Joined: 2/24/2016
Posts: 1096


Yes llee, they do!   

You gave great advice to Alz+ regarding toxic people phone calls.  I have had my share of toxic family members and spent years trying to work things out, but there comes a time when you have to just give up on them and live your life.  As I told Alz+, life is just to short to play games with people.

Take care of yourself.  You know what works for you.  Sending you a big hug and lots of love....


llee08032
Posted: Tuesday, September 20, 2016 8:05 AM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4408


The AL-ANON and NAR-ANON support groups for families and loved one's of alcoholics and addicts teach the members how to detach with love from the addict or alcoholic. It's about survival and I think we have to detach with love from toxic family members also and view them as sick and suffering just like the addict or alcoholic. 

The narcissist has these ingrained patterns of behaviors and ways of responding that they cannot give up or change. They are addicted to chaos and drama just as the drug addict is addicted to a drug. We cannot save or change our toxic family members but we must save ourselves in order to survive.


BlueSkies
Posted: Tuesday, September 20, 2016 1:52 PM
Joined: 2/24/2016
Posts: 1096


Very well put llee.  I agree completely.
alz+
Posted: Wednesday, September 21, 2016 6:35 AM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3608


doing better here in regard to Mother and sibs. thank you all!! support from you worked magic. I forgave myself for feeling such rage and do feel free of drowning in psycho entanglements. This is precious time, to live out my days as best I can.

husband and I are now on same page about protecting me more should they call again.

was it coincidence that this last traumatic episode marks a downward trend in my cognition? while I am able to move so much more easily, walk, dress myself, clean up still when I take the oil my ability to recall words during speech dropped quite a bit and some new shadows appeared. 

*******

mouse stories - love how posts go off rails. makes me laugh! all the mice I have seen are healthy happy cute little buggers and none have ended up in traps yet. 

Iris we have had 2 cats by accident, one we fostered when neighbor died and the other the dog found on the deck one night and he went to animal shelter where he was immediately adopted.

No mice when cats around and I like having a cat but my vision is a smallfield and they all dart around my feet, near falls on stairways etc plus I despise smell of cat box. a couple at church have 2 cats and plan to borrow them or babysit for the people when they go out of town net time.

I dislike them in the house because they belong outside and when I was a super young mom mice invaded my house, got into stove insulation and were baked. a friend gave me a mouser cat and she cleaned up the situation, they had been in the food and left stink all over, it was traumatic on top of kind of squalid living conditions. so to see them again I feel contaminated.

we used sticky traps one year.I opened the under sink cabinet in kitchen and a vole was stuck and we made eye contact. Keeper had to take it out side and finish it off because you can not clean that glue off their feet. He has hauled baby batch to woods (woods are every place outside our house) and he does not want to be killing them either. have tried dehydrated potatoes (supposed to blow them up - not true) and live traps and electrocution traps.

no more scares, my heart can't take it. I dislike killing spiders too. I don't mind killing flies.

*****

leaves are turning and I switched from rock collecting to leaf collecting and mushroom hunting. have not heard a word from brother since last episode, don't think she went into nursing home. I sent her a card with some of my leaves in it.

thank you everyone for being here and sending love, i do feel it.

L lee - you would be a great columnist on handling mental issues! seems no one wants ettiquette advice now but how to deal with narcissists and bullies. degraded culture.

 


llee08032
Posted: Wednesday, September 21, 2016 8:08 AM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4408


Alz+, glad your feeling better.

How did we get to the subject of mice? I've always had an aversion to mice. My friend told me to try to think of a cute little church mouse but that never worked. When I was teen I was trapped on the dining room table for several hours until my parents came home because of a mouse. One time when I freaked out and jumped on the couch over a mouse my dog sensed my fear and killed the mouse. I'd never heard of a dog killing a mouse before. I had company for Thanks Giving dinner one year and went to search for my potholders in the bottom drawer and lo and behold the whole drawer was filled to the top with dry dog food and mouse droppings.


Agent 99
Posted: Wednesday, September 21, 2016 10:34 AM
Joined: 6/7/2013
Posts: 2166


I too fear mice yet feel bad about killing them.  The exploding potato mouse - that's a first!  

I have a screaming family standing on a trunk mouse story but the best mouse story was told to me by my friend.  She was living in a very drafty house and didn't have a car while she was in college.  She live trapped a mouse in the house and took him/her out into the backyard.  She noticed another mouse and did the same thing several times.  Then she suspected they were the same mice.  So each time she caught one she painted its tail.  LO and behold they were the same mice!!!  Before the Internet she must have gone to the library and found out that mice need to be taken over 3 miles away from their adopted homes or else they will find their way back.  Since she didn't have a car, she loaded them into her bicycle basket and took them to a local park with their painted tails!

Some advice about keeping the mouse out of the house - it's tedious work but it is important to walk around the exterior of the house and fill in openings.  Mice can squeeze through the teeniest spaces because of their anatomy but they will follow the path of least resistance.  So don't get OCD over every crack and hole, do the more obvious ones.  Certainly filling ever hole is most effective but do the obvious ones first and see if that does the trick.  Check around pipes coming up from the bottom of the house, in kitchen and bathroom cabinets, etc.  Here's a blurb from the CDC on how to do it:

http://www.cdc.gov/rodents/prevent_infestations/seal_up.html

I also enjoy the twists and turns our posts take.  I don;t think our narcissistic moms would be so helpful to each other.  In fact if I had a new mouse story to report to my mother she would say she had a better mouse story than mine!!!


Unforgiven
Posted: Wednesday, September 21, 2016 3:10 PM
Joined: 1/28/2013
Posts: 2659


Alz, you're allowed to feel rage when people cause you trouble and stress.  Just acknowledge that rage is what you feel rather than tamping it down and hurting yourself.  No need for forgivenness.  You are human.

I have ten cats now, hence no mice -- for long.  Since we just took in an adult stray and two rescue kittens, I have enjoyed upgrading our cat toy collection with lots of catnip mice.  I picked up one of them, or so I thought until I took a closer look.  Me: " * Sacriligious exclamation starting with J and ending with Christ* it's a real one!"  Stuff like that simply happens once in a while.


jfkoc
Posted: Wednesday, September 21, 2016 6:00 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 21127


and onto snakes...they have to be taken over 2 miles away....yes there was one in my bedroom!!! we caught it like they did on the Cosby show...in a pillow case
alz+
Posted: Thursday, September 22, 2016 6:56 PM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3608


Ha ha ha! the mice stories! when we fostered the dead neighbor's cat it really cleaned up the basement, had so many mice to eat we found mice bodies hung over edge of a box,  I think he was making mice jerky for the end times.

the other cat - the one dog brought in one night - ate them and I was grateful. 

I think mice carry disease and so nature made some of us startle hard at sight of them.

thanks for info on transporting the mice... can't imagine Keeper doing it. The large birds pick them off in the road once in awhile and I saw 2 flat mice on my walk yesterday.

L lee's dog took one out for her! 

thanks again for the smart advice and i truly feel like i am just becoming myself. have enjoyed every opportunity I ever had to show some kindness and in this case being cast out of family has changed to leaving on my own terms.

still royally pissed off about the financial stuff though.  moving forward.  


Iris L.
Posted: Thursday, September 22, 2016 7:25 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 18354


Alz+, I'm glad you are more comfortable.  Yes, I can see how this latest family drama interfered with your cognition.  Remember, stress reduces our cognition by HALF! (from our emeritus member, Alan in Colorado.)


There is Co-dependents Anonymous which functions like Al-Anon to teach people to detach from toxic people.  Those groups are good if you can get out.  I think it's great that we can support and teach each other to detach from toxic people, right here on our own message board!


Speaking of snakes, my husband found a big snake on the side of the road and put it in the trunk of the car in a sack.  He called me out to the car to see it.  I told him I had seen enough snakes, I didn't need to see one in the trunk of my car.  It could have been a rattlesnake.  They don't all rattle before they strike.   What was he thinking?   He finally took it back to the side of the road.  Or I hope he did.  That's what he told me.


I think mice are here for other animals to eat--snakes and raptor birds, like hawks.


What interesting stories we have!


Iris L.