In past 10 years all of my women friends died. the woman I walked with passed this last spring, then my dog.

We considered moving over the years to a town where i thought i might make more friends but not likely to happen.

Last week i felt compelled to go for a walk even on icy roads in snowfall.  Ahead of me was a woman walking with a dog. i called out to her but she did not answer. I live on an old ski hill that is basically deserted most of the year and the ski runs are not open so a stranger is noticed.

anyway, having no brakes I caught up to her and asked about her dog. he is adorable. Well, we walked for quite awhile and talked. she also has hearing loss and turns out she is visiting from the southwest on a quest to recover from all of her close people dying. we are same age. She recently lost her Mom and my mother is struggling right now.

She has children who do not want to spend time with  her. the dog belonged to man friend who died and she just ended up with him.

7 days later we have walked for hours, talking about life and our futures. the dog has come out of his shell and she is seeing his stellar inner being. I have been her second opinion on whether to buy a house, sell her home, and move up here where is is more comfortable.

we have become friends. i told her about day 3 that I have ALZ and she said she also fears she has it. i did not respond to that even though she says it often. After our last walk i think she might.

at any rate - she also likes my husband and we hope to stay friends for many years. we have so much in common and i am so thankful i did not think she was ignoring me to have her privacy!

today I have 8 listings on ebay closing (another HUGE improvement in my cognitive function) and looking forward to an afternoon walk with her.

so living in middle of nowhere, praying for a friend, I met a woman from 1500 miles away and look forward to her friendship even if it is long distance for years to come.  what are the odds?

i am fearful of riding in her car but she has offered to take me places so that is next step. also my neighbor women have rallied around me after the death of heidi the dog and I am responding. One neighbor modeled a jacket for me to post on ebay. 

am going to try today to clean up living room so i can invite her in without shame. She goes to her rented condo here and likes to be left alone there, sleeps a lot, and said she does not want to know if she has any illness.

we can make new friends, anytime, anywhere. how about that!?

what has changed in my greeting of people is i now wear a smile almost all the time. what a profound change it has brought!

love and courage

Prayer works!  

I am so glad for you, Alz+!  I hope you both continue to be joys for each other.

Iris L.

Yes....prayer does work! God puts people in our path right when we need them the most.

She's a lucky women to have found a friend like you Alz.

That is really great.

Today we walked an hour, almost 2 miles with the dog in sleet and cold. It was so much fun - we feel like girls!

She did reconsider moving up here and gave up on local house search.Also her rental is over in 2 weeks so she will head back to house in SW to get rid of stuff and put it up for sale. I have already prepared myself for her leaving and just enjoying the heck out of laughing and reviewing our lives.

thanks for listening. L Lee - yes, talk about putting somebody in our path!

she may come back in March.  I was certain "You can't make new Old Friends."  we both feel like we have been friends for years.

just about everything I fear about ALZ falls apart just be being cheerful.

Iris -when you started to take travel adventures and Michael got a new boat it influenced me to make my life happier.

My friend came by this morning and we walked - she is overwhelmed and anxious about making a trip back to SW, 1500 miles in winter and feels unable to finish cleaning ut her house and putting it up for sale.

She thought the lodge had told her she could rent until dec 15 but her last day was today. She is confused about how to pack up and feeling locked in bed, unable to let the dog outside. 

She does not want to seek medical advice about this and has not asked me what to do. This might be my first face to face with someone who I sense is affected by cognitive problems.

The lodge  told her she can stay until Saturday. 

My question is for anyone - what is helpful to someone who does not want to deal with memory and cognitive issues?

 This is a woman who ran her own business with employees while caring for a small farm and raising kids, a world traveler. She is breaking down over her phone ringing, mixed up, anxious. She said today she is having increased vision problems. 

Has anyone told someone to "have themselves checked" if they did not ask?  I told her today I would make an info card to keep in her car saying if anything happens I would rescue the dog. She was so relieved. 

We are 2 gray haired ladies hugging in a snow storm.  When i told her that I have ALZ she was so accepting. I asked her if she would want to know if she ever had symptoms and she said "no".  That was before I came to see her struggles. her daughters want nothing to do with  her, her husband is dead. She said all her friends are dead, only one cousin who communicates now and then.

Is there any responsibility here? We managed to laugh on our walk anyway!

Alz+, I LOVE your new photo!  It looks like it belongs in an art book.

It's hard to tell someone else that she should check herself out.  I think it helps to let the other person know that there are medical mimics of dementia.  Also, if it is dementia, that you and many others are living with dementia.  We take steps to slow the progress, and we take steps to make our own plans for our future.  We want to make our own decisions.  She will feel much better with a plan in place.

While she is away from you, if she has a problem, she can contact one of the Care Consultants on the Helpline.  It is important to know that there are resources out there, but they are hard to find for the single PWD.

As far as cleaning out house, and putting it up for sale, there are real estate agents who work specifically with seniors who will take care of everything in that area.  I'm sure it costs a lot of money, but if she needs the service, it is there for her. 

There is a solution for every problem.  We just have to find it.  That's the hard part.

 From what I have learned from reading the message board threads over the years, most people wait until there is a crisis before steps are taken.  It's better to plan before a crisis, so you will have a better chance of getting what you want for yourself.  I tell myself this all the time.

I'm sorry your friend will be leaving so soon, but now that you have found each other, you can keep in contact.  It will be a comfort for her to know that you will look after her dog if needed.

Iris L.

Ilee, I love the way you solve problems.  You are an asset to your place of employment and to the clients who attend there and to the other staff.  They are very fortunate that you are there to help and guide them.

Iris L.

thank you for your responses.

She chose not to leave! It took her 3 days to pack her car and then she came over today, we went for a last walk, and she decided not to go.

She had to move out of the condo she was renting and said she was going to stay at a motel for a few days and then maybe look for a house again up here - abandoning the project of cleaning out her home in the SW. I was stunned, happy, and worried.

I made up 2 emergency notes for her with my name, phone and address as she was worried about the dog. It said to call me in an emergency or if the dog needed to be cared for. I thought it might seem weird but she was so grateful I did that!

so she is talking to an owner near me about renting a place for winter! I am working on keeping my thoughts to myself. She does not see me as having dementia, and on the oil and the 2 of us walking in quiet I do pretty good. When it wears off I am 70% less with it.

Keeper is doing some small things for her too. We have talked about taking a yoga class, volunteering at animal shelter, and volunteering at st vincent de paul thrift store.

Yesterday Keeper and I went to our church and I cleaned out all the prayer candles from votive base.Took me 2 hours to scrape out soot and candle remnants. When we test lit them they looked beautiful! the red glass votives never looked like that since we joined years ago.

My friend did agree that if she gets "lost" again to not panic but pull over and wait for it to pass or call me. If she seems to be putting herself in harms way I will try the doctor suggestion because "maybe it can be fixed easily" message. She says she has no one who wants her around, also she does have some vision thing starting and we are both hard of hearing. We do feel like old friends as in long time friends, I did feel anxious about the temporary nature of our meeting and being left after just losing my dog.

Iris - the photo I took lying down in bed and sun came through window so I put on my sunglasses. was surprised it came out in half light! thanks for comment!

thank you for this wonderful share including the votive candles. I have cleaned out many and a good tip is to put a couple of drops of water in before the candle...

Oh WOW Alz+, I am soooooo happy for you.  Just when you think the world is lost...G-d sends something good! 

The trick, I found, is remembering that...and being able have faith in that....and being able wait for it. 

What great news...and thank you so much for sharing..real made my day. 

<3

Put water in glass before setting in new candle? Shoot. I soaked them all in hot water and that released the wax pretty easily.

My friend left without saying anything. The motel where she said she had taken a room, she didn't. I sent her a couple texts and got a post card from her today. She did not want to disappoint the dog who was ready to travel int he packed car and ended up about 150 miles away.

She says she is in bed all day and sounds extremely depressed.

I wish Llee could talk to her on the phone.  She said on her postcard she "wished she would have left the dog with us". She also told me she had a do not resuscitate order and carries it with her.

She said she turned off all her "electronics" and is just lying on this motel bed. 

I don't know how to help her.  If I knew her daughter's name I might have called her, but from what I know it would not have been a good idea.

Pretty sure she has dementia and depression. So many people are out there in this condition, homeless. She can afford motels for years to come. Miss her company.

I'm sorry your friend left so abruptly, Alz.  She sent you a post card, so she wants to keep in touch.  I hope you hear from her again very soon.  Perhaps she will telephone.

Iris L.

Iris she also sent a text yesterday saying "not doing good and have to move because of dog to another motel"

I am very concerned.  We were brought together, had some beautiful walks and long talks. I seem to be her only friend, our lives match up so closely. I am wondering what would I want someone to do for me?

will text her today and ... say? I think I will tell her I will help her find a place to live if she wants to come back this way. It is going to be super cold and dangerous traveling.  she is suffering from  despair and not taking her confusion as something worth treating.

since there is no one else in her life, if true, I feel responsible for...helping her find a place to be safe for the winter.  I don't want police checking on her, if at all possible.

trying to be respectful and offer what I can.

Alz+, I am praying for your friend and her dog.  I hope she does return to your area.  I know you will be able to help her.

Iris L.

Alz+,

Did you say your friend said she stayed at a hotel and didn't really stay there? Confusion, paranoia or secrecy? Something seems to be off and skipping a beat with her. I know you like her...but just be careful about feeling responsible for her well being. I say this only out of caring. She does sound like she needs help and support but I don't want to see you get hurt or disappointed in the process. I wish I could talk to her. 

Yes, be on guard, Alz+. I mean you can help her emotionally, not financially.   Let Keeper know what's going on.

Iris L.

I got a text from her. She found another motel to stay over Holidays.

She is crushed by a series of events and depressed, dangerously depressed. She told me she tried antidepressants and they made her feel worse.

She wants to die, drowning in grief. Does not want to be found and rescued. I can not come up with anything other than this looks just like undiagnosed dementia. I have no money to give her, and she never asked. We basically discussed her longing for her Catholic spirituality and Orthodoxy, prayer, saints, rituals, and our old woman grief that we were never cherished by a man but endured marriages because...

She is well off enough financially. And she is traveling with an odd dog, he prefers to sleep outdoors, but they have not truly bonded.

She said in her text she wished she had left the dog with us.

I will not interfere, but wish she would come back and find a place. I think putting down roots again will be her starting place. She and I both want to volunteer at local shelter and St Vinnie's and she can still drive.

I also found there are trans atlantic cruises 14 days for under $700. you have to buy air fare back but dream of her and I going in April. I doubt I could handle it and with both of us cognitively impaired... but a nice dream. She could go and I would take the dog.

Alz, I had heard of the trans Atlantic cruises that you mention, but I did not know they were so inexpensive.  It would be great if you and your new friend could go.  You could probably do well together.  Everything is prepared for you--meals, housekeeping, entertainment.  All you have to do is show up.

She seems to be keeping in touch.  I hope she continues.  It's good for her to have a contact, especially one with so much in common with herself.

Iris L.