RSS Feed Print
Attn George K. My apology.
Jim Broede
Posted: Thursday, June 29, 2017 8:19 PM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


 George:

As a care-giver for 13 years, I made plenty of mistakes. At the beginning. But I learned. By the end of my tenure. That dear sweet Jeanne needed to be stimulated. Mentally. Emotionally. Physically. Wish I had done a better job of stimulating her mind. Right from the beginning. But better late than never. Jeanne got daily outings. In her wheelchair. We went several miles. Daily. Even in mid-winter. In Minnesota. She always loved the outdoors. I could see the results. On her face. The smiles as we watched sunsets together. I had tape-recorded music that she liked, too. On the rides. And as she fell asleep at night. She spent her last three years in a nursing home. I was there daily. For 8 to 10 hours. Didn’t miss a single day. I tried to create a good vibes environment. Personally gave Jeanne a shower every night. I hand fed her. Face to face. In the privacy of her room. Rather than in the turbulence of the congregate dining area. I was her advocate and protector. And her chief stimulator. I pushed her mentally. In gentle ways. Giving her confidence. Encouraging her to develop a one-track mind. To focus on one thing at a time. Always. Always. I found ways to stimulate Jeanne. And that’s what I’m trying to do here in musings.  Maybe I go a little over the edge at times. But believe me, I know what I’m doing. Taking risks. Testing the waters. Maybe in non-traditional ways. But I believe it’s the way to go. I want care-givers to think about it. About doing a better job. Even if I lack compassion. If I’m doing it wrong, I apologize. --Jim

 


Jim Broede
Posted: Friday, June 30, 2017 12:42 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


 You must have had second thoughts, George, about your posting to me. And deleted it. There was no need for that. I appreciate your opinions. And your critique. It’s helpful. And gives me something to think about. For instance, your perspective on how to deal with people with dementia. Such as Andy, in particular. You’d have me be more compassionate. And here I am. Thinking I have been kind and compassionate. I have a genuine friendship with Andy. We are interested in each other’s lives and ways of thinking. We stimulate each other. Andy knows that I respect him. And I know that he respects me. Though we have differing views on politics and religion.  Andy is conservative. I am liberal. That hasn’t been a handicap. Andy tells me I’m his favorite liberal. And Andy is my favorite conservative. Yes,  Andy is in the early stage of dementia. But he’s very conversant. Easy for me to forget that he has dementia. .  He’s a remarkable guy. Learning how to cope with dementia. With a good attitude. I can’t help but like him. Sure, he may be a little upset. Over the way I think. He wants to see that I’m saved. That I become a Christian. I find that rather nice. He really cares about me. And I care about him. Really, I am more compassionate than you give me credit for. I’m encouraging Andy to stick around. In musings. As I see it, all of us who have been posting here are good for each other. This is a nice friendly place to be. We are in a comfort zone. Let’s keep it that way. For all of us. --Jim

 


Mimi S.
Posted: Friday, June 30, 2017 8:23 AM
Joined: 11/29/2011
Posts: 7028


Bill,

I disagree with your premise that because you took care of your wife for 13 years you know is best for all of us PWD. 

"Please don’t underestimate the ability of the likes of Andy and Blue Skies to cope. Effectively. Especially in the early stages. If they are stimulated. "

Oh, I not only believe in but push Best Practices ( the stimulation you speak of) on this board. Speaking for myself, I'm great at coping, but my limits seem less than the non PWD.  I avoid situations where I'm apt to be confronted with opinions I don't like. But how can we ask people to avoid coming on these boards when what offends them is off the topic of the boards and this site is designed to bring comfort.


Mimi S.
Posted: Friday, June 30, 2017 8:27 AM
Joined: 11/29/2011
Posts: 7028


Bill,

I disagree with your premise that because you took care of your wife for 13 years you know is best for all of us PWD. 

"Please don’t underestimate the ability of the likes of Andy and Blue Skies to cope. Effectively. Especially in the early stages. If they are stimulated. "

Oh, I not only believe in but push Best Practices ( the stimulation you speak of) on this board. Speaking for myself, I'm great at coping, but my limits seem less than the non PWD.  I avoid situations where I'm apt to be confronted with opinions I don't like. But how can we ask people to avoid coming on these boards when what offends them is off the topic of the boards and this site is designed to bring comfort.


Jim Broede
Posted: Friday, June 30, 2017 8:41 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


 My quibble with you, George. That is, if I truly have one. Is that you treat me. In your deleted post. The same way that you would treat someone with dementia. In a condescending way. I can handle it. No problem  I’m able to deal effectively with condescension.  Much easier. Than someone with dementia. My argument. After many years of care-giving. Not only with my wife. But with several friends. Afflicted. Is that Jeanne and the others. Sensed this condescension. One must avoid it. In their presence. And emit only good vibes. Condescending isn’t a good vibe. They start to think of themselves as inferior. As more handicapped than they really are. The good vibes therapy. Helps them. Does far more good than harm. It works. It works. It works. I treat Andy and Blue Skies and anyone with dementia. As true friends. Because that it what they have become. I trust them. And I want them to trust me.  Ask them. I think they do. Especially in the moments when they are immersed in good vibes. That’s what they need. More than anything.  Good vibes therapy. From all of their care-givers. --Jim

 

 


Jim Broede
Posted: Friday, June 30, 2017 9:01 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


I sometimes wonder. If we care-givers are the demented ones. I find that funny. If not scary. --Jim
jfkoc
Posted: Friday, June 30, 2017 9:10 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 19642


 

Share your thoughts, observations and poems about Alzheimer’s disease and related dementias. 

 


Jim Broede
Posted: Sunday, July 2, 2017 11:13 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


If you like, George, we can carry on a private correspondence. In  an attempt to get to know and understand each other better. Give me a signal. The same goes for you, Mimi. I'm doing it with others on these boards. And it works. Yes, amazing results. Amazing dialogues. One-on-one confidential private communication. Can't beat it. -Jim
Mimi S.
Posted: Monday, July 3, 2017 9:10 PM
Joined: 11/29/2011
Posts: 7028


Jim,

I very seldom use Private Messaging and then only with PEDs

I feel that if the purpose of  this space is to discuss demented and since this a site where

many may be reading but not posting,, we never know others that might be interested in what we write. 

 

And because we know that many others read this site we must be careful to respect all people. Our arrow may hit more than intended target. 


chrisp1653
Posted: Tuesday, July 4, 2017 2:25 AM
Joined: 1/23/2017
Posts: 1286


You know, it just occurred to me that in some respects, all of normal society has a kind of dementia, known as the TS, or Thin Skin variety. As you look around the world today, you see it cropping up quite often.

 

Chris


Jim Broede
Posted: Tuesday, July 4, 2017 9:05 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


 I try to not shoot arrows, Mimi. Better to shoot kind thoughts. Yes, intended for any and everyone. To think for themselves. I try to not tell them how to think. Of course, I sometimes muse about how I think. And why. But I’m not saying think the way I think. Yes, think for yourself. And feel free to take issue with me. dear Mimi. I love it when you do. It’s a sign that you are thinking. You are being stimulated. To take the time to express yourself. You are saying, ‘This is Mimi. I am Mimi. And I have something to say.’ Believe me, Mimi, I am listening.. My way of showing you respect. I am complimenting  you. Saying, in essence, you are worth listening to. And I want to know and understand you. Better. And I am willing to put forth the time and effort to do that. Without a bow and arrow. I want to touch you. With kindness and empathy. Give me a chance. I want to cause you no harm. Let’s try to feel safe with each other. That applies to George, too. Let’s be friends. Armed with friendly thoughts. --Jim

 


Jim Broede
Posted: Tuesday, July 4, 2017 9:14 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


Every time you post, Chris. I know it's going to be a delightful thought. Something for me to think about. Indeed, you are good for my mind. Keep the faith. Keep being you. --Jim

Jim Broede
Posted: Saturday, July 8, 2017 5:17 PM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


Wish I knew you better, George K. You may be good for me. Your perspective on life could bring more balance to my life.  I have an open mind. I can be influenced. By a top-notch thinker. --Jim