RSS Feed Print
getting out of bed today
alz+
Posted: Sunday, December 24, 2017 7:54 AM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3608


Thanks to everyone for understanding and giving me advice and comfort again.

The shingles are backing off, the headache has ended and I hope to walk with the dog a little today.

My dream of the winter escape trailer may have collapsed, I might be here until the end so I am adjusting my coping plan.

I switched to the CBD oil with THC (that I use at night because it makes me sleep) for day and night as it distracts from the pain and itching and slows me down so I can tolerate doing little.

To know I will have hospice provide support when remission or improvement is not attainable helped my anxiety.

Also a friend who is a painter sent me a print (framed!) which exudes this light that stuns me in all her work and is an image of a monk climbing a stone path with a mountain and partially clouded sky in the distance.

This image speaks to me, the mountain remains still and endures all without losing its identity. The mind is the clear blue patch which exists calm and ever present, the clouds are thoughts which swirls and storm and clear and cool, ever changing, not to be grasped.

The monk has sun shining on his back and he travels with a light load.  

art heals. Maybe having a meaningful piece of art in our safe rooms or where ever we go to recover could be added to essential items.

this painting is both beautiful in its color, mood, simplicity and very subtle in conveying to me a healing reminder of acceptance.

Her husband sent me a book he wrote about his family life as a child and that is going to be another great relief to read. 

My anger and resentment issues are like the mess in my house. Some of it I am going to accept as lifelong wounded companions to remain as long as they need to be with me. I am learning to watch where I am walking, not trying to run looking backwards.

Being in my room is quite nice, warm, a view of the street, my bed is comfortable, the dog snores.

Should my physical strength return then wonderful. If not then maybe I can make some art projects happen.

Just want to say thank you for carrying me thru a really dark time and your love does help, being able to vent and share here really does help.

have a great holiday in however that is for you.

*****

I did not get to Santa photo op in my red swim suit idea. However I still plan to crown myself something today and have a photo to share.

love and courage


lisabramey
Posted: Sunday, December 24, 2017 11:20 AM
Joined: 3/20/2015
Posts: 96


Dear Alz+,

Your art gift sounds lovely. I have Appalachain Folk Art, done by my late aunt around my home. It comforts me while reminding me of my deep Appalachain Roots and Culture. 

Thanks for the update. Post that striking pose of yourself soon.

Lisa


Iris L.
Posted: Sunday, December 24, 2017 3:42 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 18502


I'm sorry the trailer dream did not pan out, but you seem to have a nice set-up in your bedroom, with your comfortable bed, your nice view and your dog.  Get your rest and relaxation, snooze, heal and enjoy Christmas.  I hope Keeper is comfortable, too.  Merry Christmas, Alz+!

Iris L.


Horse Lover
Posted: Sunday, December 24, 2017 5:01 PM
Joined: 11/4/2017
Posts: 124


I'm sorry that your plans are not working the way that you had hoped.  .I hope you have a Merry Christmas.  Get some rest and dream of smelling horses and hay. 

 


alz+
Posted: Monday, December 25, 2017 6:42 AM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3608


so when circumstances take more Love or Courage than is currently available - retreat to the safe room.

I found a box of damaged old photos and photographed them with digital camera and edited them on old computer, colorized them.

some are fantastic, ethereal. sent some of my brother sister and I to my brother and sister in emails, no words. Healed some of the barbed wire walls, they loved them!

ends up a miracle of a sort.

so not dying this week unless it is a surprise death. In any case, I am finally ready, finished my preparations.




alz+
Posted: Monday, December 25, 2017 6:47 AM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3608


lisabramey wrote:

Dear Alz+,

Your art gift sounds lovely. I have Appalachain Folk Art, done by my late aunt around my home. It comforts me while reminding me of my deep Appalachain Roots and Culture. 

Thanks for the update. Post that striking pose of yourself soon.

Lisa

I invented a pageant and crowned myself queen!
Image may contain: 1 person, smiling, standing and outdoor
Happy New Year! 

lisabramey
Posted: Monday, December 25, 2017 7:54 AM
Joined: 3/20/2015
Posts: 96


Dear Alz+,

Just beautiful. Love the red swimsuit. A bathing beauty Indeed!

Lisa


llee08032
Posted: Monday, December 25, 2017 8:00 AM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4408


Beautiful Alz! Merry Christmas!
BadMoonRising
Posted: Monday, December 25, 2017 8:03 AM
Joined: 4/22/2017
Posts: 335


I am glad you are planning on staying around for a while. It is best not to leave family and friends over the holidays because the memory of your death will haunt them with each passing Christmas. It doesn't matter if they celebrate Christmas or not, they will always be surrounded by Christmas and would associate it with your death.

I love the photo, Miss Alz. How about crossing out the 7 and make it an 8?


Iris L.
Posted: Monday, December 25, 2017 5:18 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 18502


You know how to colorize old photos?  Wow!  You are a fountain of knowledge, Alz+!  I love your photo.  


Iris L.