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suicide is painless
losinghope
Posted: Thursday, January 18, 2018 5:48 AM
Joined: 1/16/2018
Posts: 37


The theme from the movie Mash, not my state of mind.

It's 5 am and I made some tea.  Coffee is usual but too early it eats a hole.  DW sleeps now after a rough start.
 
Looking for a way to relate to this new life I find myself in, I am reminded of the movie MASH.  The original one with Donald Sutherland not the TV version with Alan Alda.  It seems to me I am in a similar situation.  Working in a front line army hospital trying to care for a wounded soldier who's life hangs in the balance, while trying to maintain my own sanity.
 
I know not what the future holds for this poor wretch I care for but it does not look good.  I know little about my own future too.  I just know if I get through this day and get some sleep somehow I will make it okay.
 
If you've seen the movie you will recall the reason for the theme song SUICIDE IS PAINLESS. It relates to the story in the movie where one of the staff at the mash hospital has had enough and sees suicide as his only escape.  Hawkeye and Trapper John, rather than offer sympathy, plan a funeral for this poor depressed comrade.  They go all out and hold a service that all attend.  The soon to be deceased friend is laid out as if he is actually going to be buried.  They have convinced him they will help him end it all but, in the end, find a humorous way to snap him out of it.  You'll have to see the movie to know how.  I won't spoil it for anyone who hasn't.
 
What a great notion that humor is better than sympathy when the situation is dire.  What sympathy can we really offer at a time like this? What words could possibly fill the gap between the awful reality and the hope for something better.  Something I intend to try to use from now on here with my fellow MASH caretakers.

 

 


Jim Broede
Posted: Thursday, January 18, 2018 8:43 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


I find your thought process interesting and refreshing, Brian. You know how to cope with life and death. You consider the possibilities. And choose the best for you and the beloved people around you. You are honest. With yourself. That's a good sign. It's nice knowing people like you. You get people around you. To think. About the wonders of life. --Jim
jfkoc
Posted: Thursday, January 18, 2018 10:15 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 19622


I too welcome your posts. 

This is darn* serious stuff...sometimes the humor is dark. My husband claimed that the Irish help the patent on dark humor. He was Irish so would believe no less.

BTW.....i had to live a lot of years before I found that movie humorous.

 


BlueSkies
Posted: Thursday, January 18, 2018 10:21 AM
Joined: 2/24/2016
Posts: 1096


Learning to laugh in the face of adversity is a wonderful gift.  Kinda like "dancing while you cry". 
losinghope
Posted: Thursday, January 18, 2018 3:04 PM
Joined: 1/16/2018
Posts: 37


I'm learning Jim.  A lot from you too.  There's a lot of misery here and in the world in general.  I prefer to find the lighter side when I can.  Not that I don't complain a lot.  God I am such a whiner.  But I read that it takes fewer muscles to smile than frown and I hate exercise.
Jim Broede
Posted: Thursday, January 18, 2018 3:11 PM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


 

I’d try not to lose hope, Brian. Especially about your future. Life has its share of setbacks. Things you’d rather live without. But hey, you’re 71. I’m 82. When I was 71, I was faced with a dilemma. Similar to yours. But I weathered it. Recognizing. That I’d rather be the care-giver than the one that needed care. It wasn’t all that bad. Once I got into it. I really loved Jeanne. Yes. Yes. I really did. I learned good vibes therapy. Jeanne spent the final 38 months in a nursing home. I was there every day. For 8 to 10 hours. That was manageable.  Certainly far better than 24/7. Anyway, I branched out. I truly cared. For others in the memory care unit. I learned a lot. About how to reach someone with dementia. They all can be reached. One way or another. They all need special care. Tailored for the individual. It was an education. And a fulfilling experience. Hopefully, I emerged from this as a better human being. And I got on with life. Through it all. I met another care-giver. An Italian. We are in the 10th year of our relationship. I live with her part of the year. In Italy. She lives with me part of the year. In Minnesota. We travel together. All over the world. Imagine that. Two true loves in a single lifetime. Life takes many twists and turns. Stick with it. Try to make it to 82. I did. Without regrets. Life may not be perfect. But it comes darn close. --Jim

 


chrisp1653
Posted: Thursday, January 18, 2018 5:05 PM
Joined: 1/23/2017
Posts: 1281


jfkoc, I wish I could say I remember MASH as funny, but when I saw it, it had just been released, and I was still a high school senior, and extremely naive about most things. I'm sure I laughed, because I was with friends, and you know how important it is to " fit in " when you're young. I've never watched it since, as my taste in films has changed.  Is it really funny ?
losinghope
Posted: Thursday, January 18, 2018 5:09 PM
Joined: 1/16/2018
Posts: 37


Jim,

I read a lot of your posts.  You're just the type of guy I'd like to know and have always admired.  Someone who has learned to deal with it rather that bitch about it.  Who sees the bright side.  It ain't easy I know but I'm trying.  My pen name of losinghope has more to do with realizing the reality of AD than with my state of mind.  I still cry to myself but I plan to live through it.

Just today I've started planning for the worst while hoping for the best.  Lawyers, Memory Care facilities, Long term care insurance, all on my list of to do's.
 
My biggest fear has become poverty rather than caregiving.  I have no problem caring for my sweetheart whatever the needs but if push comes to shove and I physically can't I'll be broke quick.
 
I've got a spot picked out on the beach in Florida if they let vagrants camp out.
jfkoc
Posted: Thursday, January 18, 2018 6:29 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 19622


If you are in a position where you may need to apply for Medicaid now it the time to learn about it.

We have some good helpers with this on the spouse/partner board.


losinghope
Posted: Thursday, January 18, 2018 8:41 PM
Joined: 1/16/2018
Posts: 37


I've been a good saver/investor/cheapskate all my life.  I'm in fairly good shape with finances should I need help.  I'll go broke if I have to and Medicaid will be used if necessary.  The lawyers later this week will help as will long term care insurance I'm looking into.
Jim Broede
Posted: Thursday, January 18, 2018 9:13 PM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


If you want a nice spot on the beach, Brian, I have one. Fled the North Country for a while. When I was a young man. And roamed the Florida beaches. Mainly Vero Beach. Where I wrote for the weekly newspaper. And joined the civil rights movement. Eventually, got run out of town. For rabblerousing. --Jim
losinghope
Posted: Friday, January 19, 2018 9:46 AM
Joined: 1/16/2018
Posts: 37


Yep know it well.  Spent 3 years in Jax in the navy in the 60's and lived 9 years in tampa in the 90's.  Jax area beaches were different then.  We drove from Jax Beach to St. Augustine on the sand back then.  I like the west coast better now.  Not a surfer anymore.