RSS Feed Print
A complicated matter.
Jim Broede
Posted: Friday, March 9, 2018 8:58 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


Got a note this morning. From a friend. Trained in psychiatry. Has worked with patients in psychiatric institutions. She reads the message boards. Avidly. Even posts occasionally.  Here’s what she wrote:

‘Many play the victim. May you choose not to argue with these posters. They are just angry in general. And you, my friend, are the fall guy. Do not joke with them. It really is not funny or necessary.’

She was referring to three posters, in particular. Who have taken umbrage/issue with me. Over my style/approach to Musings. Yes, they want me to budge. To back off. To change my approach. To show more empathy.  For care-givers and those saddled with dementia. 

Of course, I show empathy. Only in different ways than their preferred ways. My point:   Empathy comes in many forms. And that needs to be discussed.  In a civil manner. With the participants showing respect for each other. That has not always been occurring here.  Though I see a slight movement. For the better. In the past 24 to 48 hours. May it continue. Face it, folks. This is not an easy issue to resolve.  Empathy is a complicated matter. --Jim


jfkoc
Posted: Friday, March 9, 2018 9:23 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 19642


Interesting about empathy...is there any value "in showing" if it is not seen? Does not the recipient have to feel it?

 


ruthmendez
Posted: Friday, March 9, 2018 9:41 AM
Joined: 9/8/2017
Posts: 2329


that's why I agree actions speak, not words. No one knows the empathy we show in our daily lives. Volunteering, caring, sacrificing-no one knows how we work and live our lives outside of boards.
jfkoc
Posted: Friday, March 9, 2018 11:50 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 19642


I think words are very important.
Underdog
Posted: Friday, March 9, 2018 12:56 PM
Joined: 6/25/2017
Posts: 327


Well if she's trained in psychiatry then she must be right.

I'll let y'all go back to what was working.

This will never be a place that I will be able to relate to.

I'm out.


jfkoc
Posted: Friday, March 9, 2018 3:46 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 19642


I hope you will join us on the other boards.
chrisp1653
Posted: Friday, March 9, 2018 5:12 PM
Joined: 1/23/2017
Posts: 1286


My own take on the caregiver / PWD dynamic is that everyone who has been a caregiver understands what being a caregiver is all about, and, at the same time, that no one who has been a caregiver knows or understands what it's like in my individual circumstance. When I am trying to explain something , I use general terms, like ugly, when I am at a loss to fully describe how I felt in a specific situation. Most of us will have experienced the falling away of friends, but what if you're a loner type, as I am ? Or what if you have a problem with depression, on top of being thrust into the caregiver role ? I imagine most of us try to " roll with the punches, " or " take things as they come, " but each of us rolls a different way. This thing of being a caregiver is different. I don't feel that any person here can fully empathize with me, nor do I feel that I can fully empathize with anyone else. I do try. I think all of us try. Maybe we even try very hard, but as with many things in life, success is relative , and fleeting.
MissHer
Posted: Friday, March 9, 2018 5:58 PM
Joined: 11/13/2014
Posts: 2365


Chris, 

   I believe we are all "overwhelmed" with our own situation.  I know that I am. 


Jim Broede
Posted: Friday, March 9, 2018 5:59 PM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


You are brilliant, Chrisp.  I like the way you express yourself. So effectively. I'd love to have a conversation with you some day. That's my wish. --Jim
chrisp1653
Posted: Friday, March 9, 2018 11:30 PM
Joined: 1/23/2017
Posts: 1286


You're welcome to come to the Pacific NW anytime, Jim. As for me coming to the somewhat " brisk " Minnesota area, it'll have to wait, as my traveling abilities are somewhat curtailed at the moment.
llee08032
Posted: Monday, March 12, 2018 8:13 AM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4408


jfkoc wrote:

Interesting about empathy...is there any value "in showing" if it is not seen? Does not the recipient have to feel it?

If the recipient does not feel heard or understood then empathy is not being conveyed. Empathy is not advice giving. It's not telling a person they are wrong to feel or think a certain way. It's not telling a person that the solution to their problem is that they should feel or think about their problem  in the same way that you do or did. Empathy is understanding within that persons frame of reference. Not your personal frame of reference. Feelings and thoughts aren't always factually based. However, it is a fact that we have feelings and thoughts that can be troubling and painful. Empathy is understanding how the person may feel the way they feel through the lens of that persons perspective. 

Some persons even persons with the best intentions through no fault of their own may not  be good at conveying empathy. 

 



Jim Broede
Posted: Tuesday, March 13, 2018 3:53 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


MissHer wrote:

Chris, 

   I believe we are all "overwhelmed" with our own situation.  I know that I am. 


I am pleasantly overwhelmed.  With life and love. Who would have ever thunk it? --Jim