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Would it be nice? Would it really?
mrgladd
Posted: Monday, April 22, 2019 1:28 PM
Joined: 11/3/2018
Posts: 133


Being the grammar and language nut that I am, I'm always very careful about word choice and what connotation words carry. Similar versions of the same word can have radically different connotations. For example, the word "kink" meaning a sexual activity considered outside the norm, has a neutral connotation. It's not bad or good. "Kinky" on the other hand is negative and carries a subtext of "you should be ashamed."

Well, after getting an e-mail from my brother, I want to add a new attack pattern to the Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense:

"It'd be nice if..."

People who use this pattern tend towards it being negative and carrying a subtext of "you're doing it wrong" and sometimes "you should be ashamed." For example:

"It'd be nice if you could come watch Mom for an afternoon so I could catch a movie"

This means "You're not doing enough to help with Mom's care and you should be ashamed."

There's a more negative version: "Sure would be nice if..."

"Sure would be nice if you could drop by once in a while."

This means, "You're neglectful and a terrible person. You should be ashamed."

I am definitely excising it from my normal everyday patois.



ruthmendez
Posted: Monday, April 22, 2019 2:51 PM
Joined: 9/8/2017
Posts: 2324


I don't like emails with something like this....I prefer the approach in the face and let out my frustrations.....it might include a slug or two if upset enough.

chrisp1653
Posted: Monday, April 22, 2019 10:57 PM
Joined: 1/23/2017
Posts: 1266


Ruthie, would that be a slug or two of the distilled spirits ? If so, I must decline, unless by chance you make it a couple of nice brews.

 


ruthmendez
Posted: Monday, April 22, 2019 11:42 PM
Joined: 9/8/2017
Posts: 2324


Chris, I too prefer the brews.  Sorry mrgladd, for turning this thread into a thread of slugs.
mrgladd
Posted: Tuesday, April 23, 2019 10:33 PM
Joined: 11/3/2018
Posts: 133


Fear not. I have my salt shaker handy.
chrisp1653
Posted: Wednesday, April 24, 2019 3:55 AM
Joined: 1/23/2017
Posts: 1266


I've read of people using a little salt to enhance the head on a glass of beer, but how in the world would it be drinkable after that ? I mean, it's salt !
ruthmendez
Posted: Wednesday, April 24, 2019 6:20 AM
Joined: 9/8/2017
Posts: 2324


https://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2017/06/perfect-michelada-mexican-beer-cocktail-recipe.html Chris, have you ever tried a michelada?! My sister seems to like these...but I find it a bit disgusting...and I guess the salt is supposed to make it more tasty but I’m not in favor of the mix at all...yuck
OrganizerBecky
Posted: Wednesday, May 1, 2019 3:37 PM
Joined: 10/31/2017
Posts: 30


That type of language veers into passive-aggressive behavior. I've found what works for me is to just cheerfully agree! "Yes, that would be nice!" Then be quiet. People don't even realize they're doing it, though.

My MIL (whom I loved dearly) was raised to believe it wasn't lady-like for a woman to make her desires known directly. She was to be coy and indirect and hope that the other person would catch on. It took me many years to figure that out!