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Would like advice for my Father who takes care of my Mother
Posted: Saturday, December 24, 2011 11:38 AM
Joined: 12/24/2011
Posts: 1

Hello to all,

My Mother has EOAD as well as primary progressive aphasia.  

My Father takes care of her while he still works a stressfull full time job.  We have a lot of help from good friends and family.  However, my Dad depressed, tired and is also apprehensive to hire a professional and I think he really could use that help.  I get the impression he feels he is giving up when he takes that step.  He also will not talk to anyone but family about the issues.  We have suggested therapy and support groups but "he is not ready for that".  My Mom is to the point where she needs help bathing, getting dressed, etc.  Lately she has been really fighting my Dad about getting ready.  Doesn't want to take showers, wash her hair, get dressed and things like that.  

Do any of you have suggestions that may help?

Also, do any of you have any suggestions for something that I could do to help my Dad feel better about making the next step to hire help?

Thank you so much for your suggestions!

Posted: Saturday, December 24, 2011 1:13 PM
Joined: 12/6/2011
Posts: 3326

Hi, Mel. My youngest daughter's name is Mel. I'm so sorry for what you and your father are going through. There are two groups on this site for caregivers/caretakers. One is specifically for spouses and partners who provide care. It would be great for both your mother and father if your dad joins this discussion board. The information, understanding and care provided here is amazing. (I just joined 2 weeks ago and am sooo impressed).
Posted: Saturday, December 24, 2011 11:02 PM
Joined: 12/19/2011
Posts: 4

Will he agree to take an anti depressant?  Many of us use them.  It just makes things easier and we find it easier to let things roll off our back.


It does sound like he is at the point that he needs additional help.  I got help in the form of Adult Day Care facility.  A shuttle is available both directions and is included in the cost.  My hubby was gone from 9-3 for 3 days a week.  I also qualified for a Federal Caregiver Respite Grant that paid for 2 of the days.

At $42.50 /day, it was much cheaper than a nursing home and exercised his brain as well nurses were available to monitor him daily.


He died the day before Thanksgiving but he loved going to the Adult Day Care and they loved him.  He even used to dance with the staff.  I got him started while he was still pretty good so they got to see him as other than someone who needed constant care.  They took the journey with us.

Posted: Sunday, December 25, 2011 11:05 AM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 740

I second the motion for Adult Day Care (except it would be a good idea to refer to it as something like "Senior Activity Center".)   Your father won't feel like his home is being invaded, but he'll still get time to himself, and your mother is very likely to love going there.  Many ADC's will shower the loved ones, if desired.


There are other types of help that might not be so difficult for him to accept, such as Meals on Wheels.


Talk with your local chapter of the Alz Assoc:

and your Area Agency on Aging:

to find out what programs and services are available where you live.


And please do suggest our Spouse/Partner Caregiver Forum to him.  He doesn't have to sign up, he can just lurk if he'd be more comfortable that way.  He'll learn a lot, which will make things just a little bit easier for him.