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New Here - 25 Years Old, Father of 64 is in the Early Stage of ALZ
Kpenn72
Posted: Saturday, January 3, 2015 4:49 PM
Joined: 1/3/2015
Posts: 1


Hi; my name is Kimberly and I found out recently that my father has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. I'm not sure how long ago he was diagnosed, but he was let go from his work about 3 years ago. I only just learned that it was because he was becoming confused and was no longer able to fulfill his job requirements. 

I am 25, and he will be 64 in March. I am terrified. My dad is like my best friend. My (maternal) grandmother is indifferent and uncaring, and my mother and my aunt are sociopaths. I don't speak to anyone on that side of the family besides my dad, sister and a cousin. All of my life he has been the one place I could turn. He and I are very much alike, and with my mother's condition, she never could do more than pretend to care. 

I have seen my father very little in the past ten years, since my parents separated and he moved out of state, with the exception of about two (non-continuous) years when I lived with/near him. He lives in Kansas with his wife of 6 years. 

I have always wanted to live close to him, but when my husband and I moved there, we had to move within 6 months because my husband was unable to find work. 

We now live in Colorado, about a 16 hour drive from my dad, not considering winter weather conditions. I have two young children, 3.5 and 2, so I'm not able to travel very often like my sister, 27 years old. 

I have never lost anyone close to me before. I am so scared and angry. My mother is 57 and both of her parents are still alive. Because of their lack of empathy and acceptance of me, I feel absolutely nothing when I imagine losing my mother or grandmother. I feel like my dad is my entire family, besides my husband and children. My sister and I get along well, we just have never been very close. We are becoming closer now, I think. 

 My husband had a similar situation, but his father's death was sudden and unexpected. When he was my age, he lost his father to cancer only 3 months after his diagnosis. He also does not have a good relationship with his mother; she was emotionally and physically abusive when he was growing up. 

Sorry for the novella. I guess I am looking for people who can relate and offer advice or support. Thanks. 


Iris L.
Posted: Sunday, January 4, 2015 1:56 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 18362


Welcome, Kpenn.  You have reached a board that is usually visited by us patients. If you visit the Caregiver board, you will find many caregivers in your situation.  You might also visit the Spouse/Partner board and you may get ideas on how to support your dad and his wife.

 
If you get a chance, try to visit in person for a couple of days and see with your own eyes what's going on.  Often, spouses believe they are handling everything fine, but they become overwhelmed.   

 
Here is online reading material for your education. 

 

 
Iris L. 

 
 

Mimi S.
Posted: Sunday, January 4, 2015 10:27 AM
Joined: 11/29/2011
Posts: 7027


Welcome Kimberly,

 

Does your dad Skype? That would be a way for you to keep in touch?

Do read everything you can about the disease. Check your library. On-line, go to alz.org. slowly go through all the links.

Do investigate Best Practices for him.

1. Take meds as ordered. Can he manage these by himself?

2. Strenuous physical exercise.

3. Strenuous and varied mental exercise.

4. Mediterranean Diet.

5. Maintain or increase social interaction.

And do browse the above Message Boards to find the ones that interest you the most.


BBunny
Posted: Tuesday, January 6, 2015 3:31 AM
Joined: 5/28/2014
Posts: 458


Welcome, Kimberly, ( Your picture is adorable.   )  I'm so sorry that your Daddy is sick.  That just sucks.  My husband is 62, and he's been diagnosed about 4 yrs. ago.  It's not something you ever think will happen, is it!?  Bummer.  Not fair.

I think it is important to communicate the special things you want him to know in his heart from you, and spend some time together.  Can you make him a memory book with any old pictures from growing up, and then some pictures of you and your little family now with names and ages under the photos?  He can use these to stay connected to you.     I am sorry it is a long drive.  The Skype sounds like a good idea if he is able to use it.  

There are other young people you can talk to. I am sure sorry this happened to your family.  Facebook is an easy way to send pictures and communicate, too, my hubby really enjoys keeping up with our kids and grandkids that way.  Come back anytime.  We want to help you any way we can, Kimberly.

Big Mama Bear hugs for you, bbunny