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Catch me if you can!
Agent 99
Posted: Friday, February 13, 2015 1:32 PM
Joined: 6/7/2013
Posts: 2166

After an arduous two days of cardiac testing out of town for my sweetie I became embroiled with consequences of a domestic dispute between his naive son and crazy wife. Even in non-nph times sweeties acumen in dealing with his parental duties and street smarts were marginal but now if anything is to be done to turn this 40 something year old around it is on my already burdened shoulders.

Speaking with detention center operators, bail bondsmen and law enforcement types got me thinking about the context of identity. Everyone was helpful but their initial reaction was that I should be as fluent with their lingo as if I had a criminal heritage as well. This reminded me of other incidents of contextual identity crises such as:

1. Being a fräulein in Alsace Lorraine - probably due to my non french physique a fruit street vendor in Strasbourg charged me $5 for an apple back in late 70s. A few hours later she saw me working the streets with a french survey team. She motioned me over and Proclaimed in french "I thought you were a german tourist" And then gave me all my money back. Pomme free!

2. A mommy - at a gathering with coworkers and children a four year old asked his mother for something and she said no. Then he said, "that mommy has one!" Me not mommy!!

3. A runner - looking rather disheveled after sleepless night in sweeties hospital room the cute neurosurgeon asked me if I had just come back from a run. Why said i. Because I was wearing a headband despite my considerable unathletic appearance! I hAvent taken that headband off yet. Up to 6 marathons completed

3a. A sewer worker. Just because I walk chaos in the dark and I wear a reflective vest and headlamp my neighbor from a distance was perplexed by sewer work going on at that time of night!

4. Lawyer. - I sued the IRS and won. I represented myself and the judge asked during our phone hearing with Madam Government, his appellation, whether I was a lawyer. That felt great but I owe my success to Al Gore for inventing the Internet. In fact my many unschooled professions are due to the Internet.

5. A spy - my favorite. Close family members and others just couldn't believe that I am truly an engineer that worked for a government agency that travelled around the world working in overseas cities and capable of speaking several languages! My agent 99 avatar is a remnant of my childhood admiration for the show get smart so don't let that confuse you. And chaos found us after he was so christened by his former captors.

6. A really hot chick when driving my red sports car and a nothing to notice in my Honda civic by the same window barrista at the starbucks drive thru.

7. My sweeties care concierge. Well still figuring this out. I feel like I'm considered just another overweight american with low self esteem. I'm that too!!!

Jim Broede
Posted: Monday, February 16, 2015 10:33 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462

You mentioned elsewhere, Agent 99, that the problem is thinking too much. No. No. Instead, it's not thinking enough. The good thoughts. Funny stuff. The ability to take life. Not too seriously. Some call it lightness of being. With interesting twists. You reflect on things. That happened years and years ago. You have learned to savor little things. The purchase of an apple. The encounter with a fruit vendor. Something to be remembered. Your mind is working. Giving meaning. To a chance encounter. And wondering. Not only what goes on in your mind. But others, too. An introspective approach to life. I like that. Keep thinking. --Jim
Posted: Monday, February 16, 2015 12:43 PM
Joined: 3/7/2012
Posts: 1751

a woman, a hug-able, love-able care-concierge, an aspiring comedienne, an internet competent lawyer, a night time Chaos walker poop-worker, a disheveled and worried runner, a lost in the crowd mommy, an American French Fraulein surveying the scene...

"Who am I ?!" "Who am I?" I hear in the echo of a howl at the moon.

"Is that an over-weight? guilty? with low self esteem? doubtful? confused? upset? anxious? afraid human being? with identity problem? Submerged in a somehow bearably do-able existence?"
"Welcome!" I respond.
"My house is your house.
The exit key... Being in non-being.
The unbearable lightness of being." I echo back.