Had my hair cut off this morning and had a 30 minute wait. There were 3 women sitting with foil on their heads and my all time favorite hairdresser had a new puppy in a baby pen. Congenial atmosphere.

I went straight for the dog and sat on the floor. 

Only after I left did I wonder if my behavior is odd or am I imaging it.

I did begin talking with 2 of the women in foil, told a story, something felt strained. I looked at a few hair cut idea magazines, questioned 2 men who came in about their childhood dogs and being grandpas. One of the men felt friendly to me, everyone else I perceived as in that position of trying to figure out who is this woman and is she "ok".

The hair cut is good. 

Other than Keeper (my husband) nobody talks to me casually for more than 20 seconds. I wonder if it is in my movements, speech, what I discuss (too personal)... also felt this more keenly at post service church coffee. People have an expression of strained curiosity when I speak in a group.

I ask Keeper if he sees it, and he fudges around the topic. I asked an occasional neighbor woman if she wanted to walk dogs with me later and I swear she backed away from me, smiling, but it feels awkward.

I don't know how to judge, and if I could - have not decided if I should stop participating in conversations, or let people learn to deal with it.

open to opinions and suggestions. 

My Dad made off color jokes over the year before he was diagnosed, no one would play golf with him and my mother was livid about it. I am not swearing or doing crude things that I know of.

I think one of the most difficult aspects of dementia is exactly what you are experiencing, Alz+.  We doubt our own self-perceptions, and we can't rely on the perceptions of others, no matter how close we are to them.  We become more and more isolated.  Oh, what to do?  

The feminist literature I read years ago spoke about the wise old crone, which is us older ladies.  Wise people don't have to chatter to others.  In fact, less chatter is better, because when we speak less, the little that we do speak, means more.  Absence makes the heart grow fonder, something like that.

One of my older woman cousins, who had two grown sons, used to chatter constantly.  I got the impression that she had been ignored by her sons, so she used the constant chatter to fill in the void of silence in her life.  I vowed at that time, not to chatter like her.

Nevertheless, what do we do for communication?  It's a constant challenge.  I don't have a good answer.

Iris L.

And sitting, playing with the puppy merely marks you as a dog lover. 

I usually don't attempt to initiate conversation with strangers unless a comment on the weather or something equally as bland.

Mimi and Iris -

thank you for your perspectives. I have been feeling it would be better to rein myself in, and wonder if being old is Time to be less conversational casually.

Yes, my husband will drive me to visit my friend when snow storms pass.

People in this area are very reserved in public, I have never been. people have told me stories my whole life and I loved it. It was something about being open and interested that encouraged people to  reveal things and share laughter.

Before I started the cbd oil my speech often was slow and thick, my movements were cautious and my appearance not given much thought. Because I feel so much more my old self...

I am still getting  a sense of how to be in the world. In my former work as a massage therapist my ability to gain the trust of someone was appreciated and gave me success,as a writer people's stories gave me inspiration and material. I do find myself dancing in grocery store once in awhile, or at the thrift shop.

Just need to relax about being myself more? A smile usually dissolves trepidation, maybe there are no real consequences to seeming "off". 

No way to figure out ow I come off. When I gave the talks about ALZ people were enthusiastic and super friendly. I suspect it is the sense something is different in me but the person does not know exactly what that creates the odd state of affairs.

***********

dog lover - when Keeper goes to pharmacy to get my meds the women who work there come out to the car to visit my dog! they gave her Christmas presents. One time I was too weak to drive myself home and 1 drove me home which is how she met my dog. They hug her and kiss her outside the pharmacy. This seems normal to me. Ha!  and the dog is used to it too.   

Yes! Relax and be comfortable with who you are...there is nothing wrong with you. You are an interesting, super smart, insightful and thoughtful person.  People close themselves off to others for various reasons. I always felt some of them long for the courage to be more open and adventuresome. Dance like nobody is watching... pay no mind to those who judge your missteps for they do not have the courage to get up and dance or sit the floor and play with a puppy in the first place. Smile at THOSE people with confidence anyway. 

They need practice in getting their eye's to smile with the rest of their face. 

It's not you, it's them that something is wrong with. 

Alz, that is a wonderful picture!  You and your dog are beautiful!

I'm married to a high-functioning autistic (Aspergers) who is occasionally very outgoing, and I often wonder how we are perceived.  Strangers tend to be wary at first of disinhibited behavior, no doubt wondering if it comes from substance use, a brain condition, or a just plain outgoing personality.  I have found that once they get to know you, everything is okay.  And don't worry -- I'd have sat down and played with the puppy too.

Pharmacy people are great once they get to know you.  We go every month to fill a Sched II drug and to pick up supplies.  The pharmacists have realized I'm not a druggie and have warmed up to me, finally.  The counter salespeople know that we are ideal for helping a junior employee make their quota, and for an educational lecture on history and politics, which is my better half's obsession.  We do kind of a George Burns and Gracie schtick.

Having lived with it for almost fifty years, I see a lot if similarities between the autism spectrum and the stages of dementia.  I wonder if it is the same area of the brain being affected, in the early stages?

I want to add that I appreciate the sort of people who initiate conversations, because I tend to be reserved myself, and I would have missed out on a lot of great conversations with strangers, and at least two deep friendships, if the other person hadn't taken the first step.  The world would be a boring place if we all were the same.

alz+, thanks for sharing your nice photo.  is this your new cut?

 Animals and nature are great therapy.

  i know the feeling of wanting to cut hair.  im looking for easier care myself.  my friends are getting distant.  maybe b/c my weight.  :/  I hate having hashimotos.

Thanks Lane!

Step- that was a year ago when I ave talk at ALZ walk. My dog is super cool. We are so in tune.

My new hair cut is very short. This is it, and I was able to do some photography the other day and my dog was willing to participate.

alz+, I can tell how much you and your dog are in tune.  I think the number of dogs who are empathetic is higher than humans.  People vary so much in their reactions.  It is hard not to (or it is natural to) think about other people's reactions to us or to our loved ones. There is probably no reason to say more as everyone here has expressed it so well.

I just read your response to Bill on another post and it was so clear, precise, and helpful. The brain is so resilient--the disease damages it; it does not destroy it.  The damage can be at least partially repaired.  You are living proof of that.  

Lane - the improvement is  shocking to me.

every day I wake up and can think, so little anxiety, and now taking double dose during day is resulting in 8+ hours of sleep!

Thank you for your kindness and support.

going for a swim in another spring snow storm!

My dog trusts melike I trust her.She injured right front ankle chasing a squirrel away from bird feeder and comes to me, lifts her foot and smiles while I examine it and massage her leg.

she is also on coconut oil and her coat is like silk velvet. she is asleep over my legs right now as she knows I put my swim suit in bag and will be leaving house soon and wants to know when.

Alz+; I always thought of you as lovely; now from your photos, I know how beautiful you are!   Yes, you are.  What cheekbones; ooh-la-la!

You are a natural communicator and one who makes connections; therefore that comes natural to you.   I also agree with kindly smiles when encountering another who seems a bit disconcerted by our contacts; smiles say SO much without words.

SECRET:   I am one of those people who talks to complete strangers too.   My husband has told me, "You could talk to a rock!"   I am not sure that I have not.

Even when in a foreign country where I do not speak the language, I communicate with smiles and hand gestures and the odd mispronounced word or so in the foreign language and am usually met with return smiles and hand gestures right back.  Love it.

Find me in the mall sitting on a bench next to someone else; it is "hello" time.   Find me in Target in the checkoout line; "chat time."   Find me in the beauty shop with foil on my head looking like I am a huge intergalactic radio antenna, I start to talk to other patrons . . . sometimes successfully, other times being looked at askance.  I just figure sometimes you get chickens; other times all you get is feathers.

So many times this has led to warmly wonderful conversations between two people who have really connected, and when parting, I somehow wish I knew this person as a permanent friend or acquaintance because they are just SO cool.

I sometimes think that in certain circumstances, there is also a cultural sort of overlay to this sort of dynamic.

There is a very large shop, way out in the truly uber-snooty area of the city that specializes in gorgeous, gorgeous Christmas decorations.  Every December I make a trip out there to see the wonders as the wares are so unique.   Well; the shop is usually filled with truly uber-snooty people from that truly uber-snooty wealthy area of the city.   I learned very quickly one does NOT speak to the "other" when looking at the same lovely decorations even when standing side by side.  Weird as all heck.

I go well-groomed, nicely dressed, speak kindly and smile; BUT if I perchance happen to speak to the person standing next to me examining the same decoration,  I am often absolutely and quite thoroughly snubbed quite coldly and with quite a, "look down the nose" sort of snub that is a near sneer when I do speak.  Even just smiles are often snubbed with no response except to move away or to be ignored.   Once, it made me break into laughter; what fun.

SO . . . . I now keep to myself when in that place unless I am spoken to or smiled at first.  I speak to the person I am with, and the truly uber snotty/snooty speak ONLY to the one's they are with, or they speak to the shop clerks when they must and I note most of them speak to the clerks in a rather "talk-down" sort of manner which means they have no manners at all.

I am so happy to be me and not them.   Think of the wonderful people they miss those tiny connections with.   Perhaps the over-use of botox has seeped into their souls.

When in England, I had been informed that when people queue up in lines there, they do not talk and keep themselves very quiet.   I thought this interesting and it was absolutely true.   When I was queued up in a long line at a postal office, the line was absolutely silent without a word being uttered.   Later; when riding the tube during rush hour, we folks in the car were crushed up against one another like sardines in a can; not a single word was uttered the entire ride between any of the passengers.   I had to smile to myself at that one as elbows encountered my ribs, my side and even my derriere!  Still; not a word.

Yet, I found the British lovely, charming and very warm-hearted and a pleasure to talk to at other times.   I chalked it up to a cultural idiosyncracy.

Children.   I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE children; everyone's children.   However, I never, never, ever speak to a stranger's child without asking permission to do so first.   Strange times we live in and I do not want a parent thinking bad thoughts.  So; when in Target, when a child is smiling at me from their cart seat in a checkout line, I will ask the parent if it is alright if I speak to their child.  I also will engage the parent in the conversation by telling them what a bright and lovely child they have and mention my grandchildren to help put them at ease.

What a strange world this has evolved to be . .  . just keep on being yourself, you are lovely both inside and out and keep giving those beautiful smiles; they are a gift.

Big hug,

J.

llee; I too would love to find myself sitting next to you on a bench.   Imagine if all of us ended up sitting together on the same bench, what a hoot and what a wonderful time we would have.   Passersby would scratch their heads and wonder what we were going on about; it would be so much fun.  No botox impacted souls for us!

 J.

JO C - thanks for sharing that!

I was extremely silent as a child - when I finally got away from "home" I married a guy who was from NYC and he was really smooth with "small talk". I learned from him how to start a conversation and it steam rolled, divorced him but remained best friends to raise our kids.

Yes to how fun it would be to meet up with people like L lee and you and Iris and Bill and every one here!

How about raffling a "dinner with Lane" ! Gee, he is such a gentleman...

Back to weirdness measurements: there is a difference between an odd ball and a creep, and I met a creep at swimming pool recently. I know I am not a creep and so back to saying too much and feeling ok about it.

I think it all can boil down at introverted/extroverted question.  MOST introverts, which many peop in your area are, are uncomfortable with peop talking with them.  That does no make it bad or weird...just a great was tell who are introverts. 

Extroverts tend be talkers...an will talk eve one, eve in check out lines.  This is great...if you extroverted. 

The diff be tween two...is extroverts feel enlivened by talking others....while introverts get drained by it. 

I pers hate that such fear an doubt has been cast on those us with dementia...that we start doubt ourselves.  Try find way be ok with you self AS YOU ARE.  You are you, an there is only one you in all the universe...an G-d made you special just the way you are...so BE that...an f eve one who can no take it. 

Just be cause we have dementia...does no mean we be come "demented"...suddenly afflicked with strange thinking an delusions.  It just means we have increased trouble processing...an process slower.  We did no stop being who we are. 

<3