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Why do I have so much trouble making decisions?
Iris L.
Posted: Sunday, August 7, 2016 11:10 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 18502


Sun, Vieques Island looks like a fantastic wilderness to vacation.  Sort of like Treasure Island.  I'll have to put it on my list of places to see.  Thanks for sharing this location.


https://www.fws.gov/refuge/vieques/


Iris L.


Iris L.
Posted: Monday, August 8, 2016 3:58 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 18502


This thread was begun over making a decision about purchasing a dream luxury item.  Why do we have so much trouble making decisions?  I believe we can make decisions, but we are not at peace with our decisions.  We second-guess ourselves.  Why?  This is not confined to PWDs, but it seems to be worse with us.  


One concept that I find that helps me the most in decision making is focusing on my priorities.  My first priority is to maintain my independence.  This includes not being a burden on others.  So I make decisions based on that.  


This makes all other decisions easier, because I ask myself, will this decision enhance my ability to remain independent?  If so, I will do it.  If not, I won't do it.  


I also have sub priorities, which are to maintain my dignity, and to maintain my legacies.


I believe it is important for PWDs to develop a philosophy of life that helps us live our lives in our new realities.


Iris L.


Michael Ellenbogen
Posted: Tuesday, August 9, 2016 7:07 AM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 4456


While I believe you are right Iris I am not as concerned as you because I feel I can really on my wife. Not sure if that is good or bad. If it was not for knowing my wife could step in if needed it on the boat I would never have taken on such a purchase. I also had forgotten all of the expenses that goes along with buying what you need. I had no trouble spending money. I felt like the kid in the candy store. Then I start to wander if I am just spending to much money.  Everything I do is with constant question and concerned and to be hones not sure of what is the correct answer. I will really on my wife to keep in check. I even plan to remind her to insure I do not do something I should not do. I think all of this is so scary but at the same time I want o live life to the fullest. I don’t want to be locked in my fears. There is no doubt this all has created a lot of anxiety and stress but I do hope when I stat to use it will change. While I have had many negative feelings I have also had many feelings of living life again and looking forward to something again.  I am still not sure I am right but if I am not I will take also on money and be disappointed. But at least I know I tried. In my case I had this thought 3 years ago and look at the time I wasted that I could have been doing what I want?  


alz+
Posted: Tuesday, August 9, 2016 11:37 AM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3608


sun - you got it in your description of the uncertainty.

well put. not often I find someone describing ALZ symptoms where it matches what I go through. You have a real knack for that!

I liked tis topic because Michael ended up getting a boat he has dreamed of and now I imagine his life, the ocean smell, the wind, clouds, movement - his posting is meaningful on 20 different levels. How people on this board offer support and different takes, how we worry about each other...

That boat is beautiful. I was imaging all the people who put time into making it, the designers, the electronics, the people who move the boats, the salespeople...

love and courage


Iris L.
Posted: Friday, August 12, 2016 11:11 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 18502


Michael, how is it coming on the boat?  Have you taken possession of it yet?  When can you take it out on the water?


Iris L.


Michael Ellenbogen
Posted: Saturday, August 13, 2016 7:07 AM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 4456


I am going to do the Sea Trail tomorrow. I have made excuse a few times to get out of it for minor issues the dealer has done but my wife say no big deal. It has been a real rollercoaster week for me. I really forgot all of the expenses that go along with all of this. All should be over tomorrow. I will complete the deal or i will be backing out of it because I am not satisfied for some reason. I was very careful to have that written in the deal when we signed the papers. Not having memory is terrible when you are working on deals and issues like this. One of my biggest t problems is I don’t even remember if I was happy with my last boat that I sold about 17 years ago. I know we got rid of it because we had no time to get to it because of our jobs, but I don’t remember anything else and I try so hard to recall things so I can make a better decisions but it just doesn’t work. I was always the one to keep us in line and i have this fear that she may not be doing it. Not sure if it’s true or just my thoughts. I just dont want to make a huge mistake. We have already bought so many things and planning to buy more this coming week if we are okay. You are all invited if in the area. That is my dementia friends and a few others. I sure cannot take all. NJ this summer and DL starting next year.

 


Iris L.
Posted: Saturday, August 13, 2016 12:12 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 18502


Try not to stress yourself out on not remembering from the past, Michael.  Enjoy the present.  Take your time, and go through the process.  It's bad with all the small decisions needed, but once it's over, you will be able to enjoy your purchase.


I am leaving for my cruise in a few days.  I'm sure I will enjoy the cruise, but I do not enjoy the preparatory period--the packing and getting my home ready to be left without me for a couple of weeks.  


Iris L.


Michael Ellenbogen
Posted: Saturday, August 13, 2016 1:16 PM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 4456


Iris I do hope you have a great time.


llee08032
Posted: Sunday, August 14, 2016 9:15 AM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4408


Bonvoyage!  Michael and Iris as you pioneer the waters and chart your course! 
Michael Ellenbogen
Posted: Sunday, August 14, 2016 3:11 PM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 4456


Well it did not go as I planned. I was very over whelmed last night. We went for our sea trail and I realized there was so much more to know and do then I remembered on the boat. Not that this boat did not make it easy but for me who is having problem with the TV remote it would sure become challenging. Then I realized I was not seeing some of the things I should see that the captain was pointing out. I would need to remember those when I used the boat. Well that kind of did it in for me as I know there was a very good chance I would not remember.  So I was happy when I bought it and ended the deal. I actually felt like celebrating because it was such a relief. I had returned most of the things I purchased and have a few more to go. It really was becoming way to complicated for me and I thought I could eventfully overcome it but in reality I could not. I was trying to be who I once was and that is absolutely no longer possible. Looking on the bright side that was probably the best deal I have ever made in my life and I was always a great negotiator. I even wrote the book on it. While I won’t be happy I do know deep down inside this was the best decision I made. My wife was with me on all of this and cannot even believe she allowed me to but it. At the end she said you probably would never have bought it if it was not for my AD. Its probably also good as it will not stress her out even more since a lot of it would have become her responsibility.

 


Iris L.
Posted: Sunday, August 14, 2016 6:54 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 18502


I'm glad you made the right decision, Michael.  You assessed the entire situation and came to the right conclusion for yourself.  And you did it on your own, taking into consideration what your wife would need to do.  That's great!


Unlike some, I don't believe it is a tragedy not to be able to do everything we used to do.  Life means we must move on.  Everything changes.  We can have new journeys and new accomplishments and new adventures.  You said you had owned several boats in the past, so this was not a bucket list item for you.  In a couple of months, you are going on your safari. I know that will be a great adventure for you!  Be prepared for nothing you have ever experienced before, Michael!


Iris L.


The_Sun_Still_Rises
Posted: Monday, August 15, 2016 8:09 AM
Joined: 7/24/2015
Posts: 3020


Yes, some things are just too much...too much effort, too much sapping of available brain power...and just too exhausting. Don't beat yourself up over it. 

I also think we are a lot more gullible...or willing do things on a whim with out real think through.  So I am glad that you took the time, find out...now you know. 

And as for mistakes...you do know, we are after all...human...we are prone making a few mistakes. That is par for the course. 

<3

 


Michael Ellenbogen
Posted: Wednesday, November 23, 2016 10:37 AM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 4456


AS I reflect back on this decision to bail out of my contract for this boat.  I was so lucky it was by far the best decision I could have made. You have no idea on how thankful I am I did not go down this path.

 


obrien4j
Posted: Wednesday, November 23, 2016 11:43 AM
Joined: 11/18/2016
Posts: 451


Michael- I know little about this or anything else, but I do know that you're kicking yourself in the butt for something that no longer is-

Could it be that your priorities have shifted and that once fabulous deal is no longer THAT important to you? Could that be it? If this is such a great deal, and pardon me for not reading the whole post- I'm all over the place today-  something you've wanted for so long, why aren't you jumping at it? Could it be that you recognize the deal that it is, but it not longer matters to you- other things do now. I don't know, I sometimes wish that someone would make all the decisions for me throughout the day- what to eat, what to do, what even to wear. Sometimes it is overwhelming- like too many options at a restaurant.

 .Good Luck, Michael!


obrien4j
Posted: Wednesday, November 23, 2016 11:49 AM
Joined: 11/18/2016
Posts: 451


Michael- I don't know why I would answer a post over 3 months old, like it was today, never looked at the date! So sorry- hope you're enjoying the boat and have Happy Thanksgiving!
alz+
Posted: Wednesday, November 23, 2016 7:41 PM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3608


obrien - 

i  was hoping michael had posted with a photo of being out on the boat so glad you brought this topic back up to date!

Maybe he will see this and post a photo. the whole thing made us all think about what matters now? and about bucket lists and what we deserve and so on.

The issue was that inability to choose for ourselves and an overwhelming sense of inertia. he managed to think his way to action and here i am enjoying scenes in my mind of him in warm waters, sleeping with the sound of water lapping, having lunch in the sun.

The discussion also affected me over the sense of deserving to do some luxury thing. Money is a huge benefit, lack of money is a huge pressure, but we still can choose how we will react to what life gives us. Him giving himself permission to indulge himself helped me think i deserve some things too.

Michael - photo postcard if possible?  any takes of sea living appreciated.


Michael Ellenbogen
Posted: Wednesday, November 23, 2016 8:17 PM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 4456


Somehow my messaging was lost. I never got the boat. I had realized last minute I could not do what I needed to do to operate it safely. So for that I feel I had made the right decision to not buy it.

 


Iris L.
Posted: Wednesday, November 23, 2016 10:26 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 18502


Michael did make his own decision.  He decided to purchase the boat, but in the trying out phase, he decided that he could not work with the modern electronics and he did not want to hire a captain to pilot the boat.  So, in the end, he recinded his initial decision and did not get the boat.  Thus, he considered all aspects and came to a final decision, which was best for him.  What he did was great.  He did not box himself into a corner.  I was happy for him.


Iris L.