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Joined: 7/6/2016
Posts: 19
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First, let me say that on the empathy scale, I've always been off the charts. I can cry at others' happiness, sadness, disappointment. I literally have felt others' joys and tragedies as though my own. It is part of my DNA; it is who I am as a person.
On Sunday, I attended the funeral of a beautiful little 5-year-three-month-old girl, who died due to cancer. Now, I went expecting to cry - and there was not a dry eye in the house, believe me... the ministers broke down... Mama and Daddy were weeping... I saw her little blankie displayed prominently...
Not a dry eye, except for mine. I don't know if I'm allowed to say this, but WTF? What is wrong here? What is happening to my brain, to who I am, to my heart, that I wasn't crying my face off, feeling every tear that others shed...
Is whatever is going on going to turn me into someone shallow and uncaring? If so, I don't know if I can handle that, or even want to  . I don't want to be that person.
Yes, I felt sad - but in a detached sort of way.
Is this a new "sensitivity" to the antidepressant I've been taking for a long time? Perhaps I need to talk to the doctor about that, perhaps cut the dose?
Yikes. If there is one aspect of "me" I don't want to lose while I am still able to care that I am losing things, it would be this.
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Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4408
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Wildrose,
A child's funeral and that little casket is the worst. I'm sure you felt bad and perhaps was focused on trying to bring comfort to others (which is empathic). Sometimes we have to detach to protect ourselves but it doesn't mean that we lack compassion and empathy. When I go to the funeral of a friend I always try to think of the family and the close loved ones and their pain and not my own. Having a dementia diagnosis dose not change who we are from the core. You have also had a lot to deal with over the past weeks on the rollercoaster that is being diagnosed.
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Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 18723
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I am so sorry to learn about the little girl. It's horrible that her life was cut short.
It is not unusual to have a blunted affect, meaning not expressing emotions so vividly as before. I know I was blunted before beginning Exelon patch and Namenda seven years ago. Now I feel and express emotions. I don't have any complaints in this area.
Iris L.
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Joined: 2/24/2016
Posts: 1096
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WildRose, I think I know what you mean. I also feel a sense of detachment a lot of the times now. I know it felt bad to you, but sometimes it can be a blessing. I too have always been very empathetic and emotional. I am finding that things don't bother me as much as they use to and find myself living much more in the moment and thinking less. For me this detachment has been good so far, but I also would not like it to go to the point of not being able to feel for others. I too like my ability to put myself in others shoes. Definitely don't want to lose that.
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Joined: 2/24/2016
Posts: 1096
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Wanted to clarify what I said about things not bothering me as much. I meant like things on the news or things I hear about going on in the world. For me personally things are a bit harder and I do struggle more. I also get frustrated with my limited capabilities. However I seem to care less as time goes on.
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Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 4500
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I am so sorry to hear about the girl.
While I am unsure how to describe it
I do believe I am having issues in that arena. My mind also tends to tune
things out on its own as some kind of defense mechanism I think. I notice it
the past I may have wanted to listen in on things and I don’t ever care to do
that. In fact I don’t want to know as it takes to much processing power.
I tend to get more upset about what
is happening in the news, especially with the politics side.
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Joined: 7/6/2016
Posts: 19
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@Michael, I'm finding that I don't focus so much on politics, which was a really, really big part of my life - camped out for a week in Madison in 2011, blogged, researched, big Twitter/Facebook presence.
Attending meetings, etc. seems pointless, as I rarely remember what was said. :0(
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Joined: 11/29/2011
Posts: 7027
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Wild Rose,
Welcome to our world.
My motto is to just go with the flow. You are doing all you can to cope with what's going on in your world and that's all you have to do.
As to the funeral. You know you were sad so how you physically reacted is unimportant, in my opinion.
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Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 18723
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Mimi is so wise. She always knows the right thing to say.
Years ago, while I was still working, I had to stop watching and even listening to the morning news shows, because I got too distracted in preparing myself for the coming day. Nowadays, I avoid all daily tv news programs, unless there is something specific I want to hear about.
If I need to focus on a task, I cannot even listen to the radio. I accept that these are accommodations that I need to make, to help me compensate for cognitive impairment.
Iris L.
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