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Panic over move?????
BlueSkies
Posted: Sunday, February 12, 2017 10:36 PM
Joined: 2/24/2016
Posts: 1096


First let me say.  I know no one can help me, but I just feel I need to vent right now.  

My husband and I have been working on a fixer upper in a really nice area.  It is all done now and we are ready to start moving.  It's a beautiful home.  It's everything we ever wanted in a home.  I have moved many times in my life.  I was a military brat growing up and moved every couple years.  Even as an adult I continued to move every few years as I had gotten used to it and would get ansy after awhile.  So of course I thought nothing of this upcoming move.  

Well, I am TERRIFIED!  

I don't know what has gotten into me.  Just the thought of moving makes me feel all panicky.  My husband said we will start moving things in the new house next weekend and then the furniture the weekend after that.  I don't even know what exactly I'm afraid of.  The only thing I can think of is change.  But why be afraid of change.  It's all so weird.  So unlike me.  I knew it would be more difficult than usual, but this panic.  All I can say is, "what the hell"!  I just hope I can get it under control as my husband is so excited and I don't want to ruin it for him.  

Has anyone else ever experienced this when they previously always enjoyed moving to a new home?  


Iris L.
Posted: Monday, February 13, 2017 12:24 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 18509


I've been in the same home for over thirty years.  I don't relish the idea of moving. We do not adapt to change easily.  Carve out a space for yourself, in your new bedroom, perhaps.  Make it a place where you can center yourself.  Keep a notebook of what is going on around you, because there will be massive opportunities to forget little tidbits of information and minutia.  You might be better off to just let him do all the unpacking, and you sit in your quiet area.       


You must accept that your life will be changing.  Your old way of doing things will be gone.  You must devise new ways of getting fulfillment out of life.  Decorating and all that goes into a new home can be exciting but you can't do all of it.  Pick out a few things that you feel up to doing, and focus on those.  Aim to keep your environment simplified and uncluttered.  Take photos to help you remember things.


Iris L.


BlueSkies
Posted: Monday, February 13, 2017 12:56 AM
Joined: 2/24/2016
Posts: 1096


Wow, great advice Iris.

I love the idea of carving out a little space of my own.  It feels calming just thinking about it.  I'm definitely going to do that!  

I'm going to try to help him move and unpack.  Seems so selfish to expect him to do it alone, but if it gets overwhelming for me I will tell him I need to go to my private space.    At least I have a plan now.  Was wondering what I was going to do if I got to the point I couldn't handle it.  Now I know.     Thanks so much Iris.


BlueSkies
Posted: Monday, February 13, 2017 1:00 AM
Joined: 2/24/2016
Posts: 1096


By the way, simplified and uncluttered has always been my motto.  But yes, now it's even more important.
Iris L.
Posted: Monday, February 13, 2017 1:14 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 18509


Blue Skies, I am not married so I don't have this issue.  But you might consider discussing your lowered participation in moving with your husband beforehand.  People naturally become stressed during moving, and have high expectations.  Even the most optimistic, highly functioning people become overwhelmed during moving.  Center yourself, center yourself, center yourself!  Older adults are encouraged to downsize.  I don't recall your age, but you might still want to check out some ideas about downsizing.


Iris L.


The_Sun_Still_Rises
Posted: Monday, February 13, 2017 6:49 AM
Joined: 7/24/2015
Posts: 3020


There is an anxiety and panic that go along with dementia and Alz....that have nothing whatsoever do with emotions, thoughts, or higher thinking.   In other words, it is NOT something you can think or talk you way out of....it just there, inherent in certain situations. 

Every person with dementia I know have talked about experiencing it....so you are definitely NOT alone in that. 

I have it mostly around times of progression....until I have adjusted the NEW level I function at.  Like, I go for take my pills (which I take umpteen times a day), and I be standing there before them and I am filled with anxiety/panic.  And it not like a panic attack...my heart not racing.  It not like I have thoughts about take my meds....indeed, I be standing there wondering what so hard about just take my meds, I have be done 1000x before?  But it there all the same.

I think, and this is just me....but as we losing pieces our cognition....we often be losing what I call "silent" pieces in the background we don't know or realize until moments of you move. 

When you move....there are 1000 cognitive shifts you have make....I used have breakfast here, now I will have it there....and all this went seamlessly in past when you had all you pieces cognition before.  Now some the pieces missing and the shift no taking place in some areas...so you brain freezes, panic/anxiety...until IT can figure out how move forward.

Many PWD get rx's for Ativan or Xanax....that are short acting....that you can take (like for a car ride) help offset the panic for some real hard things.  They can and do make dementia worse....so it good weigh the pros and cons.

I find, as I have been through now many cycles of anxiety this disease...that time the biggest help.  it might take 3 weeks or more that missing part you brain be able re-wire the shift the new place....but eventually it will accept the new routine and not trip you with panic.

I, historically, have available me a host of relaxation techniques....but because this not an adrenalin flood, or psychological, none them real work (at least for me) for these types of panic/anxiety that come with this disease.  Ativan is of limited use me as well....it will make it so I don't panic (flood adrenaline) because my brain panicking, but other than that....my brain still will be panicking.  Again....I think it simply because it cannot make a connection that it used be make and it tripping out over it. 

It similar the "freeze" everyone talk about getting you other thread about no get up out of bed. 

Dementia hard.  The world just assumed that we would NOT be aware at these points....so no one ever thought write anything how help us this.   Many PWD can not reflect on and articulate this stuff either.  But it a VERY shared experience.   Which also why it important we have support groups with PWD in them....so we can know we not alone...and learn how other PWD learn deal with it. 

I will probably have more say this later...sometimes it take my brain a bit think about pull my thoughts gether. PBPGIFWMY.

<3


llee08032
Posted: Monday, February 13, 2017 8:11 AM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4408


Blueskies,

I felt derailed when I moved over 3 years ago!  My friend helped me with the packing, labeling and unpacking and I had help with getting both houses cleaned. 

The hustle and bustle and clutter of boxes, organizing and figuring out where to put things and how to set everything up was so stressful! Be mindful that moving entails using our executive functioning skills and multi-tasking and make sure your husband understands this. 

Have a weeks worth of your personal belongings packed together separately as you would if you were going on vacation on moving day so you can set up your personal space when you get to the house. Include your must have items along with some of your favorite things. 

Walk away from a task if it gets to be too much. Plan some rest periods and take time out when you need to. 

If there is a family member, close friend or professional that can help your husband that would be the best case scenario. Let your husband help with creating functioning areas throughout the house in the bedroom, kitchen and bathrooms. 

Go for comfort when placing essential items and furniture around the house. I always feel you have to sit with a room awhile before you can decorate it.  Store out of the way and save the decorative items for last and focus on functionality. 


llee08032
Posted: Monday, February 13, 2017 8:23 AM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4408


You will get through this and enjoy the fruits of your labor! While husband focuses on functionality you focus on comfort and  becoming familiar with the new house. Comforting the dogs and introducing them to their new surroundings until they settle in will be helpful to you also. 
BlueSkies
Posted: Monday, February 13, 2017 9:09 AM
Joined: 2/24/2016
Posts: 1096


Iris, I'm 57.  Still consider myself young.   

Sun, thanks for the detailed explanation.  It makes sense.   I guess I need to just deal with things as they happen and not worry so much that I will look stupid or be a bother instead of help.  I think I'm worrying about that too much.  It sucks not being the person I use to be.  When I was a social worker I had 32 clients that I was in charge of looking after.  I would go over their finances, living situations, monitor doctor appointments, meds, supports needed and on and on.  Now here I am panicking over a silly move.  It's almost laughable, but I'm not laughing at least now.  Hoping to be able to laugh about it when I am all settled.  

llee, thanks for sharing your experience and yes thanks for reminding me.  My biggest problem is executive functioning.  Makes sense!  I of course am worried about my 3 dogs and cat too.  I have two dogs with anxiety disorders that's why they were in the pound.  All my pets are throw aways that no one wanted.  One has seperation anxiety and the other has a generalized anxiety disorder.  What a group we are!  I suppose after the dust settles we will all survive and love the new house.  I do want to reap the rewards of all our hard work.  It has been many homes and a lot of sweat to finally get our dream house and be mortgage free.  That's what I didn't want to ruin with this stupid anxiety.  We should be on cloud nine and celebrating.    My husband really has been great.  He has been working hard to get all the construction done before we move in as he knows noise really bothers me (and it bothers pets too.)  

I'm really surprised.  I thought I was just venting and didn't expect to get help, but I have gotten a lot of help.  Thanks everyone!  

By the way, I have a terrible rash all over my body.  Been to two doctors.  They don't know what it is.  I am being referred to a dermatologist by my rheumatologist ( who ran blood test, haven't come back yet) will see him this Wednesday.  I'm wondering if it is caused by stress.   Wouldn't surprise me.   Will find out Wednesday hopefully and get something for relief.  So far nothing the other doctor gave has helped much.


Iris L.
Posted: Monday, February 13, 2017 2:42 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 18509


Regarding the rash--What I learned in medical school:  If it's wet, dry it.  If it's dry, moisten it.  This is not medical advice, this is a generalization to perhaps point you in a helpful direction, Blue Skies.  Whatever else you do, don't scratch it!


In 2005 I had purchased my dream home, and was in the process of remodeling and  moving in when I discovered a heavy mold infestation.  I credit exposure to the mold and the stress surrounding that fiasco to making my cognitive impairment worse, to the point of becoming nonfunctional.  I had proof before I knew it that stress makes cognition worse.


57 is a great age to make preparations to age-in-place.  Then when you do become older, all the work will be already done.  Better now than later.


Iris L.


BlueSkies
Posted: Monday, February 13, 2017 8:21 PM
Joined: 2/24/2016
Posts: 1096


Iris, too late I already scratched.   

I am doing it without even thinking. When I catch myself I have already done some damage.  It's so freaking itchy!  I know it's bad for it and I'm trying not to.  I did see on YouTube that Apple cider vinegar helps itching and it really did help, but only for a couple hrs.  I think I am scratching in my sleep too.  I wake up with red raised looking scratch marks everywhere.  My PCP noticed when he ran his finger across my belly it made a red raised line.  He said my skin was super sensitive, but still didn't have a clue what's causing it.  He gave me categorizing, but it only helps the itching a little bit.  It is driving me crazy.  Can't wait till Wednesday.  Hope I can get some answers or at least some relief.  Having this while trying to move is definitely not helping me.


jfkoc
Posted: Monday, February 13, 2017 9:30 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 21244


How about a cold pack...do not know if it should be wet or dry.

How about some sublingual B (cvs) good for stress

I bet the fact that you think you should be excited is really disturbing. Then trying to not disappoint your husband,,,,,now I am itching. Then add in the physical work, the organizatio, the decisions....Whew.

If I were your husband I would want you to tell me that you are bottomline happy but that right above the bottom line you are overwhelmed. He would want to know.


The_Sun_Still_Rises
Posted: Monday, February 13, 2017 10:31 PM
Joined: 7/24/2015
Posts: 3020


BlueSkies wrote:

My PCP noticed when he ran his finger across my belly it made a red raised line.  He said my skin was super sensitive, but still didn't have a clue what's causing it.  

-----------------------------------------------

Ah ha!  I have been make wrack my brain this...until you said that.  My ex had that.  He got it from movement....anything that touch him, like where his body touch car seat.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dermatographic_urticaria

It may no explain rash...but it will give hives which like lumpy uneven mosquito bites....and yes, itch like no one's morrow! 

In any event, check that out and see if that don't sound familiar. 

If it do, let me know...I know 2 people who healed it. 

<3



Iris L.
Posted: Tuesday, February 14, 2017 12:36 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 18509


BlueSkies wrote:

  He gave me categorizing, but it only helps the itching a little bit. 

 

 

 

Is "categorizing"  supposed to be calamine?  Calamine is a good generic OTC for itching.

Dermatographia is skin sensitivity.  

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/dermatographia/basics/definition/con-20025360

 

Colloidal oatmeal baths also help with itching.  The trouble with itching is that the more you scratch, the more you itch.  I had an itch in the middle of my back for months.  I finally figured out it was an allergy to the metal clips in my brassieres.  It was not fun to go back to my braless days, but that is what it took to get rid of the itching.  Don't take Benadryl, it will make your cognition worse.



Back to the moving, Blue Skies.  It is not too soon for you to develop a philosophy to guide you on your journey with dementia.  Your philosophy will help with decision making and expectations.  Moving is such a major undertaking that you will need firm stabilization in order to get a sense of peace and okayness.

I am not moving, but I am in the process of decluttering, which is like going through the same process as for moving.  I have to decide what to keep and what to let go.  I have already decided that the majority has to go, but I still hold on.  Only FREQUENT REPETITION of my personal philosophy and affirmations and mottos will be able to help me follow through with the letting go.  



Iris L.



BlueSkies
Posted: Tuesday, February 14, 2017 1:04 AM
Joined: 2/24/2016
Posts: 1096


Jfkoc, 

I believe you captured my overwhelmed feeling pretty well and your right, I do need to tell him.  I certainly don't want him to think otherwise and he might if I don't say something.  

Sun, 

your right.  I looked it up on line and saw some pics of that and it does look a lot like my rash.  Don't like to self diagnose cause I could get it wrong, but it does seem possible.  If I get a good dermatologist Wednesday maybe I'll find out what it is.  

Iris, 

I meant to write, cetirizine 10 mg once a day.  It was that auto correct.  I didn't catch it before posting.  Calamine is good, but only worked for maybe an hour.


Iris L.
Posted: Tuesday, February 14, 2017 1:15 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 18509


I see, Blue Skies.  Be careful with the cetirizine, it is an antihistamine and may impact your cognition.  But it will probably be okay for a few days.  I hope it helps with the itching.


Iris L.


The_Sun_Still_Rises
Posted: Tuesday, February 14, 2017 8:09 AM
Joined: 7/24/2015
Posts: 3020


If that what it is, it hives...and hives are massively itchy like the worst mosquito bites.  I get hives time time from med fillers...and I scratch and they spread. 

<3


llee08032
Posted: Tuesday, February 14, 2017 8:28 AM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4408


Blue,

You are not going to ruin anything. Plan an inside picnic in the new house or something fun and rewarding to do in the middle of all the work. 

Aveeno  colliodal oatmeal cream for eczema calms and soothes rashes also. My skin has grown increasingly sensitive over the past years. 

Try staying calm for the pets they will take their cues from you and it will benefit you also. 

Imagine the end outcome of how your going to love your new home, feel safe and cozy there and how beautiful it will look. 

No one wanted my Bubby either. He was a throw away and I can't figure out why? He's an angel of a dog. It brings me joy to smother him with love and spoil him! 


alz+
Posted: Tuesday, February 14, 2017 9:44 AM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3608


HIVES.

many people with ALZ get hives.My Dad had them, I have them - going on 5 years. Then they ease up for a few months.

Itching is hell. do NOT use Benadryl unless you are going to gouge your fesh without it stopping, it can stop your urine until it wears off.

No one figured out how to stop my Dad's hives, or mine. There was a tiny pill called Atarax 50 years ago, my son had hives for months and a doctor gave him 1 pill and they never came back.

I will ask at my next appointment if that stiff exists. I use witch hazel, but having hives may be related to stress - and I agree with person who said anxiety is PART of the physical expression of dementias.

*****

about moving stress. Iris gave fantastic advice, you set up a place for you to go in the new house. Just like you will make your animals feel safe, do it with you. and if weather allows a chair outside away from noise and away from visual of stuff coming in going out.

Commotion sets off my anxiety. I would go to the house just to walk around, make friends with it, tell it you are happy to move in.

Once your husband understands you have VERY low expectations for your ability to help, likely you will then be able to do a lot more.

This works for me. "Don't expect me to do much when I get there, I don't want to have a meltdown over a suitcase." Then I am free to do more. 

Be sure to set up the bathrooms with toilet paper and soap early or before the move. Also let animals have food water at both houses to help them.

I am excited for you. I lived through a hellish renovation on the cheap at my house with workers who did not finish and burden on me to pick flooring and stuff. it took a year! it still isn't finished.

all the best to my online friends here!





BlueSkies
Posted: Tuesday, February 14, 2017 10:08 AM
Joined: 2/24/2016
Posts: 1096


Thanks for the tip Iris.  I will be careful.  

Really good video's Sun. Thanks for sharing.  I think I need to start juicing.  I use to every morning, but have not been regular with it as the chaos from packing has got me out of my routine.  Maybe that's part of my problem.  Need to make that a priority and stick with it, chaos or not.  

Great advice llee.  My sister called me yesterday and told me the same thing about the dogs.  It's so true how they pick up our moods.  

Hard to believe the animals people leave behind.  It's so sad.  I use to volunteer at the shelters regularly, but got to be too much for me.  I wanted to take them all home.  They all just wanted someone to love them.  Most were wonderful, the few that weren't had been damaged usually by mean or just stupid people.  Anyway, you and my sister are so right.  Gotta stay calm for the dogs.  

  I love the name Bubby.  So happy you found him.  He probably thinks he is in heaven.


BlueSkies
Posted: Tuesday, February 14, 2017 10:29 AM
Joined: 2/24/2016
Posts: 1096


Thanks for the reply alz.
  I just started having rashes about two yrs ago, but nothing this bad.  That medicine you mentioned sounds familiar.  I will ask dermatologist about it if I remember.  I already have a place for the dogs at the New house.  I also did the bathrooms awhile back as we were there almost every day working to get it ready to move into.  So yes, all wonderful advice.  Don't know why I thought of a special place for the dogs, but not myself.  Guess it's obvious who is more important, lol.  I really am excited too and now that I have all these great tips I am feeling a bit more calmer.
  By the way, my husband would be fine if I told him I couldn't do anything.  But I would never do that.  I just mean I am not worried of his reaction.  I just want to do as much as I can as he has so much on his plate already.  When ever he sees me struggling or heading for a meltdown he always says go don't worry about that, take a break, I got this.   I know I probably say this too much, but he is a truly wonderful man. 

jfkoc
Posted: Tuesday, February 14, 2017 10:37 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 21244


You got the bathrooms done first? Brilliant!!!!!
BlueSkies
Posted: Tuesday, February 14, 2017 11:00 AM
Joined: 2/24/2016
Posts: 1096


Yes, bathrooms were my first priority.  Gotta be comfortable when you go to the bathroom, lol.
julielarson
Posted: Tuesday, February 14, 2017 11:18 AM
Joined: 9/30/2015
Posts: 1155


BlueSkies I am so glad you got all the advice you could here.. these are truly wonderful people.. It sounds like you are in much better spirits.. I am so glad.
BlueSkies
Posted: Tuesday, February 14, 2017 8:30 PM
Joined: 2/24/2016
Posts: 1096


Julie, yes I am in better spirits, thanks.  Hope you are doing better also.  

Sun, how long are you supposed to fast?  Just drink water?

 


BlueSkies
Posted: Wednesday, February 15, 2017 12:21 PM
Joined: 2/24/2016
Posts: 1096


That's really interesting and informative Sun.  Makes a lot of sense the way you explain it.   

Thanks for sharing.