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I could have been arrested
llee08032
Posted: Saturday, May 27, 2017 9:07 AM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4408


Okay. So I've been aware for sometime that I can just blurt out things w/o thinking and that my social filter has these ever widening holes in it. But it just happened so fast... and the young woman was yelling out her car window to me with this scowling face, "keep moving, keep moving, go ahead keep moving" as I was trying to back out of my parking space at WaWa and she was trying to zip around me into the space next to me. I had my foot on the brake and had only backed a few inches when she seemed to come out of no where in this foreign  sports car. I rolled the window and yelled back "what's the problem princess...I'll get out of this car and kick your ass." It didn't hit me what I said until I seen the look of shock on the woman's face and the faces of the passerby's. 

What the hell is matter with me? Is this going to keep happening and worsening? I don't think I would actually put my hands on anyone but you cannot go around threatening  people. She could have gotten my license plate number and reported me to the police. I'm not sure how to work on this especially, when events seem to turn so fast like that. This is not the first public incident where I've been inappropriate. But to actually threaten someone? These behaviors have been creeping up on me over the years. Last summer I called my association in the community where I live and left a screaming message because they left a voicemail reminder about trash collection for a holiday w/e. I've come close to getting fired at work for screaming at one of the staff. Whats next? Is this how I'm going to go down? I don't want to be a nasty person!


Michael Ellenbogen
Posted: Saturday, May 27, 2017 10:06 AM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 4460


I have done similar things that I truly regret. It really stinks of what we have become at times. 


dayn2nite2
Posted: Saturday, May 27, 2017 10:10 AM
Joined: 6/20/2016
Posts: 3467


I think you're right to be concerned about consequences here, because the average person, if threatened like that, would get your license plate # and call 911.  If there were kids with me in the car I'd definitely call.

You've described an escalating pattern of behavior, and while I think you wouldn't mean to, the possibility of you attempting to physically threaten someone is a possibility.

You probably need to speak with a doctor about these incidents and start minimizing the opportunity for these things to happen.  Maybe shopping at less hectic times or bringing someone with you?  Using a driver who can drop you off and pick you up?


Mimi S.
Posted: Saturday, May 27, 2017 10:45 AM
Joined: 11/29/2011
Posts: 7027


Hi llee,

I'd definitely mention it to your neurologist.  And do keep track of incidents and what happened immediately prior.  What is your diagnosis? FTD?   If that is what it is, I don't think there is anything you can do.  How about those small cards that say: please excuse my remarks. I have dementia and this is part of it. ????

How about some feed back with those with FTD.


Unforgiven
Posted: Saturday, May 27, 2017 12:21 PM
Joined: 1/28/2013
Posts: 2659


Pardon me for taking this an entirely different way.  I had to smile at the reactions of the driver and the observers.  People these days are so used to being rude and abusive to those they perceive as beung elderly or vulnerable and counting on a meek response to their own bad behavior.  They weren't expecting you to stick up for yourself.  You probably taught 'Princess' a useful lesson, because the next time she did that she might have found herself dealing with someone who could and would follow through with the, er, 'drubbing'.

Be careful yourself, though, because there are real unhinged people out there.  Zetta, there are drivers out there with whom I would like to employ the gesture of which you are speaking after they honk at me for doing the limit, but you never know.  I just do it below the level of the dashboard.


alz+
Posted: Saturday, May 27, 2017 1:18 PM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3608


I laughed out loud at "Princess" and really glad someone else said they did too first.

People are so pushy. You were trying to carefully park, your attention was focused on that. The woman was pushing you. Over-stimulation + being rushed = outburst.

Probably exact same scenario for work event. I ordered snow tires one year and when they came in I didn't remember even being there and yelled at the woman (very small town so...) accused them of trying to fleece me. Later on (before I was even diagnosed) I realized it was a combo of using a telephone + money = instability.

I brought her bakery and told her I did not know what happened to me, that I was shocked I spoke like that. She said "Hey, happens every day but nobody else brings my bakery after!"

There are probably 3 things happening in every losing it situation. When you find the 3 things then you kind of know.

The danger is mostly with people armed and aching to stand their ground, throwing out a few good lines isn't the end of the world.

"What's the problem Princess" is actually an excellent reply to someone trying to force you to accommodate her need to park instantly.

Forgive yourself and go ahead and laugh - you got away with it. 

 ( this is probably not good advice or opinion but L lee, we all know you for an educated hard working good hearted person so if you do go off again give a BIG smile as fast as possible, no police then.)


Iris L.
Posted: Saturday, May 27, 2017 1:29 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 18513


Ladyzetta, Ilee is truly upset and worried about her escalating lack of control about her behavior.  For you to post about laughing to Ilee is not cool.  Ilee has mentioned several times in the past about being upset by caregiver comments.  I believe dayn2nite2 has posted about a PWD getting arrested for untoward behavior in public.  This is a real concern for some of us.  We spend all of our time struggling to live in the regular world.  Ilee is very upset and now I am upset.  If someone laughed at my problem I would be demoralized.    This is supposed to be a safe place for us to post about ourselves.  We already know that we are not normal anymore.


Ilee, I will sent you a private message.


Iris L.


kdwcpa
Posted: Saturday, May 27, 2017 1:50 PM
Joined: 5/26/2017
Posts: 21


Don't know if this will help, but I have had those issues also.  Almost got into a physical fight with a man on a cruise ship for almost no reason at all.  The anger just seems to appear from nowhere and without warning.

All I can suggest is keeping someone close by who can calm you down/ control you when happens.  I know that is further loss of freedom, but I do not know any other way to handle this.


Iris L.
Posted: Saturday, May 27, 2017 2:02 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 18513


I mentioned to Bill on his thread about the startle response.  I don't know if it applies here, but the startle response can set a PWD off and cause jumpiness.  I don't know if the startle response could be responsible for the anger and out of control behavior.  This is uncharted territory.   The prevention would be to avoid being startled--somewhat hard to do.


Iris L.


ladyzetta
Posted: Saturday, May 27, 2017 3:49 PM
Joined: 2/16/2017
Posts: 1839


IRIS,

I was not laughing at Llee I was laughing at the situation  if you read my reply correctly you would have seen  I was talking about me!!!!  The End!


ladyzetta
Posted: Saturday, May 27, 2017 4:09 PM
Joined: 2/16/2017
Posts: 1839


Dear Llee,

I am very sorry if I offended you, that was not my intention, I do care about your feelings very much. Next time I will be more careful how I word things. I really was trying to comfort you.

Sincerely, Zetta 


Iris L.
Posted: Saturday, May 27, 2017 5:17 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 18513


Ladyzetta, I'm sure you did not mean to be hurtful but your comment came as quite a shock to me.  Quite often we patients post about situations that may appear comical and we can all chuckle about it. But in this case, Ilee was truly scared about her reaction.  It is not the first time this has happened.  She is fearful that this is something that can escalate.  That was my interpretation.  I did not see her as joking.


Ladyzetta, I apologize if my response appeared harsh to you.  


Ilee's situation is not unusual.  A cg has posted about her DH having an episode and now has to appear in court.  A few years ago a member was arrested and spent two weeks in jail over an incident that escalated.  We don't have the luxury of letting lapses slide because they can suddenly get out of control.  As I am typing I am flashing back to my own lapse, which got out of control.  It was not a driving lapse, but something else.  


Iris L.


jfkoc
Posted: Saturday, May 27, 2017 6:02 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 21248


We see through different lenses but I believe with all of my heart that we, with rare exception, are here for mutual support. 

We learn from each other, through each post. Sometimes more easily than others.

I regret deeply that I did not have the insight that I have now and gain everyday at my fingertip when my husband was alive. I could have been a far better wife. care partner, caregiver.

I am indebted to all of you for your sharing and patience when I have not understood. I will do my best to pass all forward.


llee08032
Posted: Sunday, May 28, 2017 8:51 AM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4408


Hugs to everyone...Hugs to you (((((Iris))))) for your loving kindness and protection. I'm okay. I know everyone meant to be helpful and I appreciate you all.  I'm still processing this and trying to figure out how to cope and lessen this from happening again in the future. 

I am worried about my escalating behavior and the possible consequences. 

My daughter in-law had an incident last year in a drive through in the city with my granddaughter and her brother in the car. A woman got out of her car and came up to my daughter in-law and punched her in the face! No one told me until a month or so after the fact but needless to say I was outraged. The woman drove off and nothing ever came of the incident. I love my daughter-in-law dearly. She's a wonderful mother and I so hated  that my granddaughter and her brother had to witness that awful event. 

I'm off to take my granddaughter out today and will focus on keeping my emotions in check and responding vs reacting. Love to all,


Iris L.
Posted: Sunday, May 28, 2017 1:31 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 18513


Good for you on getting back on that horse, Ilee.  Ugh about your DIL!  What things we have to worry about nowadays.  I hope you and your granddaughter will have a good day today.

 

Iris L.
alz+
Posted: Monday, May 29, 2017 7:22 AM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3608


Iris L. wrote:

Ladyzetta, Ilee is truly upset and worried about her escalating lack of control about her behavior.  For you to post about laughing to Ilee is not cool.  Ilee has mentioned several times in the past about being upset by caregiver comments.  I believe dayn2nite2 has posted about a PWD getting arrested for untoward behavior in public.  This is a real concern for some of us.  We spend all of our time struggling to live in the regular world.  Ilee is very upset and now I am upset.  If someone laughed at my problem I would be demoralized.    This is supposed to be a safe place for us to post about ourselves.  We already know that we are not normal anymore.

Iris
  ****

I am sorry for finding it funny, and I was still laughing about it yesterday until I read this.

L lee I certainly did not mean to laugh AT YOU. I meant to say maybe no shame is required for losing your temper. The person yelling to hurry up seemed to have been the aggressor and I totally blew past responding to the shame or guilt you felt.

Please feel free to tell me if my response was also out of line. My brakes are thin. I also find a benefit in not taking myself too seriously now but others may not.

I notice others respond directly to other's problems while I often respond with a story about my self. I would like to know if this is crass behavior or if nobody really cares.

My own mistakes are pretty funny to me, is that the line I miss - that laughing at myself is ok but - I did not mean to laugh at L lee, I thought I was laughing with her.

If I was offensive, I am truly sorry. Forgive me?  


ladyzetta
Posted: Monday, May 29, 2017 8:57 AM
Joined: 2/16/2017
Posts: 1839


alz+
 
I am trying to understand your post. I hope you are not slamming me as well. I feel so bad about my original post that I went in and deleted 2 of them. I felt it was totally unfair for me to be slammed when I was trying to make Llee, feel better about what had happen, not that I am a bad person but that reaction happens to all of us.

 

I also am a very emotional person, I am dealing with a lot in my life I cry everyday for no reason, I have found a lot of support on these Boards, but I don't feel that way anymore. I am trying to get back on these Boards and feel better, but I think I don't belong and or I should not respond to this forum.
Again I am sorry if I offended anyone I was just trying to be funny. My emotions are down in the dump again, please anyone who was upset about my reply to Llees post, please understand I am probably more upset then Llee is about it. Hugs To Llee. 

alz+
Posted: Monday, May 29, 2017 9:26 AM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3608


Ladyzetta - we are all learning here, brakes are thinned, I think people extend lenience towards someone like me, who has dementia, a little more than caregivers.

I read your bio before posting this and anyone who brings the dog to visit their husband is already nearing sainthood so don't be hard on yourself about laughing. My mother found nothing funny about my Dad's behavior - thank God I did because then his eyes lit up and I knew he felt things were OK at those moments.

There is nothing funny about things going well, and the bad things are funny sometimes for years. But for my own journey I choose humor as a sign I am doing well. People apologize to me for laughing and I tell them, "Oh go ahead and laugh, imagine if I lived with this without a sense of humor!"

Hope the caregivers section helps with the mourning and I send my love to your husband too.

It was a mistake, L lee surely knows you did not mean to be cruel.

love and courage




ladyzetta
Posted: Monday, May 29, 2017 9:49 AM
Joined: 2/16/2017
Posts: 1839


Thank You alz+
obrien4j
Posted: Monday, May 29, 2017 9:59 AM
Joined: 11/18/2016
Posts: 451


This disease defineitly sucks, no doubt about it. We are all broken by this- those afflicted and our caregivers as well. Where this is love and death, there will be broken hearts. I wonder if  I'll ever be able to talk about dementia to my loved ones, without crying. I have never cried this much in my entire life as I have the past 6 months. I believe we're all on this emotional roller coaster as well- there are many days I laugh and smile and even forget about this but there are those other days, that I pour out my soul and hurt like no other. 

There is so much we can learn from each other by being a part of this wonderful community. I believe we all have good intentions when we reach out to another and take the time to reply and give advice. Granted, sometimes things don't always come out right- I know I am not always dealing with a full deck-but if we are willing to look inside and see that maybe we hit a chord with our words and we apologize for that, then all is good, we need to move on.  

Llee-I'm so glad you're ok- I would of gotten pissed as well- even on a good day! I love the Princess comment- that lady had no idea you were going to defend yourself like that! I don't know how you can control it- all of this comes on so suddenly sometimes that we have no warning. I liked the idea of going to the store during calmer hours, that's  good advice for all of us. It scares me however, those crazy people out there who could do us harm.

Lady Zetta- you apologized, I believe you are sincere-time to move on. We all need each other. 


llee08032
Posted: Monday, May 29, 2017 11:16 AM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4408


Please...no hard feelings here. All apologies accepted though not really warranted. I know you were all laughing with me. Truth be told, I had a laugh at my self also and did so until I realized that I physically threatened bodily harm to the woman. 

We do need to see the humor in all this and really do need to laugh to keep from crying. Laughter = stress relief + stress reduction = survival. We need to "Humor Our Stress" as Loretta La Roche says. My funny stupid quotes thread points to me being a firm believer in the humor philosophy as a stress buster. The like to play and have fun part of me is still intact. Sometimes I have to work harder to muster it up but it's there and I love it and I love making others laugh. People take them selves way too seriously these days.




Iris L.
Posted: Monday, May 29, 2017 11:21 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 18513


Ladyzetta, I apologize to you again.  


I probably should not have spoken to you directly.  I should have handled it another way.  I was reacting to the title that Ilee could have been arrested.  I did not see that as a laughing matter.  I see now that others saw it as funny, too.  There is a difference between laughing with someone and laughing at someone.  But Ilee wasn't laughing.  This is a another learning experience for me.  


Frankly, I was very concerned for Ilee and a bit frightened.  This was not the first time that she has made a post like this.   I took her post to be a cry for help.  Perhaps I am interpreting too much.   


Iris L.


Iris L.
Posted: Monday, May 29, 2017 11:23 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 18513


Ladyzetta, I apologize to you again.  


I probably should not have spoken to you directly.  I should have handled it another way.  I was reacting to the title that Ilee could have been arrested.  I did not see that as a laughing matter.  I see now that others saw it as funny, too.  There is a difference between laughing with someone and laughing at someone.  But Ilee wasn't laughing.  This is a another learning experience for me.  


Frankly, I was very concerned for Ilee and a bit frightened.  This was not the first time that she has made a post like this.   I took her post to be a cry for help.  Perhaps I am interpreting too much.   


Iris L.


llee08032
Posted: Monday, May 29, 2017 11:51 AM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4408


I am frightened Iris, that I could say something at work that could lead to me getting fired. You are right that I've posted in the past about these types of behavioral changes I'm having over the last year or more and they seem to be adding up to I don't know how many incidents? The neurologist prescribed Bupropion which does seem to help a bit. I also noticed yesterday that I've missed some doses of the med so I need to be more consistent in taking it. I just set up the medication so I won't forget to take it! 
llee08032
Posted: Thursday, June 8, 2017 7:55 AM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4408


Set up the medication meaning, the pill bottle is right there where I sit and drink my coffee in the morning. Well I still forgot to take it twice this week so far and had another blow up at work!

Ice pick headaches are back and that on top of the blow ups and continuing behavioral changes has me wondering. 


jfkoc
Posted: Thursday, June 8, 2017 9:38 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 21248


Please put the meds in a pill box.Then you will know if you have taken the days meds.
BlueSkies
Posted: Thursday, June 8, 2017 10:45 AM
Joined: 2/24/2016
Posts: 1096


Oh llee, so sorry to hear about the problems your having.  I hope things will get better for you soon.  Have you talked to your doctor about adjusting medication?  What happen to your pill box you were going to set up?  I have to confess I haven't set mine up either.  I bought a pill box awhile back for when I thought I would need it.  I went to get it the other day and it is nowhere to be found.  I will have to get another one.  The headaches sound worrisome to you.  Have you mentioned this to your doctor?  I am praying for you llee.  Sending lots of love your way and a big hug.  ((((((llee))))))
dayn2nite2
Posted: Thursday, June 8, 2017 2:05 PM
Joined: 6/20/2016
Posts: 3467


Do you have short-term disability coverage?  If so, go out on STD immediately.   That will stop whatever is going to happen discipline-wise in its tracks and buy you some time to get your ducks in a row.
jfkoc
Posted: Thursday, June 8, 2017 5:42 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 21248


Filling a weekly pillbox is also helpful in knowing when to call in a refill.
llee08032
Posted: Sunday, June 11, 2017 7:44 AM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4408


Thank you all! ((((((((((((()))))))))))))
alz+
Posted: Monday, June 12, 2017 2:46 AM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3608


came to check in and read this beautiful interaction again.

L lee - you have such a big job and so many people around you that it is impressive to me how you so rarely behave in a way that is unfiltered.

There is the change in our culture now where people feel free to express their outrage at strangers and behave aggressively. One never knows what is going to set somebody off and I am in public so seldom that I don't have much experience to share.

I did get a letter from IRS saying I was going to do jail time for not reporting something on tax return plus a fine and a penalty. Keeper went to our tax guy. I was supposed to speak to some people on phone in the CPAs office. Just getting thru the auto computer voice selection had me yelling into the phone "just put a live person on the  _____ ____ phone!" and the computer replied, "I'm sorry. Let's start again." and I yelled again and the CPA did the eye check with Keeper and I did get a live person and we resolved the issues.

My Dad had a couple patches of being outspoken. Stuff happens, in your case your work is critical so it is different.

There have been times when kindness and patience only left me open for further attacks. In the national climate right now and from how the events unfolded I think being bold might have been smart. People like to go after easy targets. With so many hostile people armed now this was a troubling incident.

apparently your instincts were good as this ended the harassment.  I hope the medication helps.

love you all....



Iris L.
Posted: Monday, June 12, 2017 12:50 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 18513


alz+ wrote:

I did get a letter from IRS saying I was going to do jail time for not reporting something on tax return plus a fine and a penalty. 


 

 

 

  

Be careful, Alz+.  There is a scam going on along these lines.  I got a telephone message saying the exact same thing.  That the IRS has an arrest warrant out for me.  I knew it was a scam, so I just deleted the message.  These scams target seniors.


The real IRS has been in contact with me in the past. They sent certified letters asking for documentation.  They never sent any type of correspondence threatening jail.  


Iris L.

Unforgiven
Posted: Monday, June 12, 2017 3:31 PM
Joined: 1/28/2013
Posts: 2659


I take so many Rx meds and supplements now that I find it easier to organize them in a wedkly pillbox.  Needless to say, my mother has one.  Filling them is a bit of a wedkly chore but it frees up my memory for other things.

I use Walgreens, and they have an app where you can keep track of your prescriptions and get them refilled online.  They will even deliver them to your home if the Rx isn't a scheduled narcotic.  Walgreens lets me know by email when it's time to refill.  I'm sure most of the major pharmacies have the same thing.