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Finding your own path.
Jim Broede
Posted: Wednesday, March 7, 2018 5:49 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


All I’m doing, folks, is musing. About life. Trying to make sense of it all. In a very personal way. I find myself lodged here. Not only  because I endured 13 years of care-giving. But managed to survive it. Coming out far better than when I first came in. For which I am grateful. Blessed. It’s been a wonderful journey. Odd as it may seem. I have only pleasant memories.  Everything else has been shunted aside. I’m finding it so easy. Remembering only the precious and meaningful stuff. Savoring it. In my own way. For the rest of my life. Every day. I’m sharing. Yes, sharing. My inner being. You are free. To take it or leave it. To find your own happiness. You don’t have to follow me. Better to make your own path. To the Promised Land. --Jim


jfkoc
Posted: Wednesday, March 7, 2018 9:26 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 19642


I agree. I am a better person for it and yes the nappy memories are the brightest.
Jim Broede
Posted: Wednesday, March 7, 2018 9:59 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


Sometimes I have essentially the same thought. Two, three, four days in a row. Maybe only slightly altered. So maybe I muse about it. For a week. Nothing wrong with that. Anyway, nice that you've noticed, Underdog. You do seem a little obsessed. With me. And my ways. Day after day after day.  I wonder. Is that a good thing? Anyway, we have something in common. We're both peculiar guys. --Jim
Jim Broede
Posted: Wednesday, March 7, 2018 3:21 PM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


I’m read, Underdog. By the people I want to reach. A few kindred souls. That’s good enough. For me. You ain’t a kindred soul.  Which is all right. We are playing in different leagues. At different levels. We aren’t even speaking the same language. --Jim


Jim Broede
Posted: Wednesday, March 7, 2018 4:03 PM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


Just think, Underdog, I found dear Cristina. Right here. On this message board. She got the message. And we speak the same language. Very thrilling, indeed. --Jim
ruthmendez
Posted: Wednesday, March 7, 2018 5:20 PM
Joined: 9/8/2017
Posts: 2329


I like the paths of no returns!   :o)
Jim Broede
Posted: Wednesday, March 7, 2018 7:25 PM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


I stick around, Underdog. Because of a firm belief. That I do far more good than harm. In conveying an upbeat and optimistic attitude. Toward this disease. And life in general. Encouraging beleaguered care-givers. That there’s good life.  To be salvaged. Even in the midst of exhausting care-giving. Things tend to get better. I know this from experience. I promote the vital need for regular respite. Taking care of one’s self. It’s a must. One needs breaks. And one can find solace. Right here in musings. Focusing on the good stuff of life. It ain’t all bad, you know. It’s not hopeless. Volunteer. I do. In my community. Mostly by giving care-givers relief. And here I am. In musings. Remaining committed. To the cause. Let’s keep the faith, everyone. Let’s all pitch in. In our unique ways. We’re all in this thing. Together. --Jim


ruthmendez
Posted: Wednesday, March 7, 2018 9:58 PM
Joined: 9/8/2017
Posts: 2329


If I take the preferred path of no return....and later realize it's a dead end....what do I do, what do I do, what do I do...???.....
Jim Broede
Posted: Wednesday, March 7, 2018 10:37 PM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


Lots of things work for me, Underdog. My blog. Musings. Personal correspondence with care-givers. Visits with the dementia-riddled at nursing homes.  Volunteer work as a respite provider. And my 13-year experience as an active care-giver. Yes. Yes. Yes. They all work for me. Keep me involved. Actively. In the Alzheimer world. I have no intention of giving up any of ‘em. Maybe I’ll add a few more. If I get into something that doesn’t work, I’ll make it work. Take care-giving, for instance. Initially, I felt overwhelmed. Unqualified. But I made it work. And I learned to love and savor care-giving. You can do the same. Stop complaining. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.  Dedicate your life to caring for your wife. Show her that you love her. Deeply. Right up to the end. Stop making excuses. And blaming others if something isn’t working. Darn it. Make it work. Dedicate yourself to care-giving. Without making excuses.  When you need emotional support, find it. Come to Musings. Or the other forums. Ask for it. Plead for it. Chances are, someone will come to your aid.  But if nobody does, pick yourself up. By your bootstraps.  By sheer will power. For your dear wife’s sake. Show her unconditional love. You are the one that can do it. I know you can. I have confidence in you.  Now show me an equal amount of confidence in yourself. Make it a mission. --Jim
Jim Broede
Posted: Wednesday, March 7, 2018 11:43 PM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


By the way, Underdog, Cristina and I met on the message board. By chance. She in Italy. Caring for her mom, Lucia. I was in Minnesota. Caring for my dear wife Jeanne. I noticed that Cristina lived in Sardinia. I asked her if she ever read D. H. Lawrence’s travel book, ‘The Sea and Sardinia.’ Sure enough. Not only that. She teaches English and English literature. Soon, we were corresponding. By email. Finally, I gave her a phone call. Without checking the rates. The bill was over $300. Well worth the investment.  We met in the flesh. For the first time. In Venice. Then took off for three weeks in the Italian Alps. Wow! We’ve cultivated our relationship for 10 years, and counting. She’s with me in Minnesota. Most summers. I’m with her in Sardinia. Most winters. We also travel together. In the USA and Europe. We also are connected daily. By Skype. Seldom miss a day. Often several times a day. Does that give you a hint? About why I’m so upbeat and positive. About life. And to think. It’s all the result of our shared experience. With Alzheimer’s. In a sense, Alzheimer’s was a blessing. For both of us. Indeed, life is good. If you let it play out. --Jim


TayB4
Posted: Thursday, March 8, 2018 7:52 PM
Joined: 8/8/2014
Posts: 886


Alzheimer's was a blessing for you and Christina? I wonder if your wife and  Christina's mother felt the same way about the disease. Calling Alzheimer's a blessing seems to be deliberately inflammatory.
Jim Broede
Posted: Friday, March 9, 2018 12:36 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


TayB4 wrote:
Alzheimer's was a blessing for you and Christina? I wonder if your wife and  Christina's mother felt the same way about the disease. Calling Alzheimer's a blessing seems to be deliberately inflammatory.

Blessings come in odd and strange and mysterious ways. Yes, Alzheimer's has been a blessing. For me. Made me a care-giver. And a better person. I'm better off because of the experience. You choose to look at me as being deliberately inflammatory. That's entirely your choice. Not mine. You, don't have to become inflamed.  Or angry. You can choose to cool it. Seems to me that would be the far better choice. I can't compel you. The decision is in your lap. --Jim


chrisp1653
Posted: Saturday, March 10, 2018 2:01 PM
Joined: 1/23/2017
Posts: 1286


There's another thread here in Musings that talks about the best teacher or teachers that one had. I'm putting my two cents in here, because my answer is sort of a crossover . I'm sure I had some good teachers in school, and some mediocre ones, but in truth, I was such a naive and non caring kid back then, school was just some place I had to be in the morning and early afternoon. I suppose it's safe to say I was more of a " Thank God It's Friday " kind of person, only trying to make it through to the week end. My best teacher now though, is Barbara. Every day we travel this roller coaster, rambling river journey. Some days we end up back at the same place we started. Other days, it's all I can do to keep up with the program. And you know what ? There's homework. Every day !

When Jim said Alzheimer's was a blessing, I am fully aware of what he meant. He was talking about the best teacher he ever had. He's talking about the best learning experience in his life.

And so am I.

 

Chris


chrisp1653
Posted: Saturday, March 10, 2018 2:02 PM
Joined: 1/23/2017
Posts: 1286


Oh my goodness. I suddenly realize that I bumped a thread back up to the top. My bad, right ?
Iris L.
Posted: Saturday, March 10, 2018 2:42 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 16967


I met my husband when I was traveling overseas.  When we telephoned, my bill was $2,000!  After that, I decided to travel to talk with him directly!


Members who want to post in Musings should just post.  Other members will read.  Just post and don't attack other members.


Iris L.


Jim Broede
Posted: Monday, March 12, 2018 10:20 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


chrisp1653 wrote:

There's another thread here in Musings that talks about the best teacher or teachers that one had. I'm putting my two cents in here, because my answer is sort of a crossover . I'm sure I had some good teachers in school, and some mediocre ones, but in truth, I was such a naive and non caring kid back then, school was just some place I had to be in the morning and early afternoon. I suppose it's safe to say I was more of a " Thank God It's Friday " kind of person, only trying to make it through to the week end. My best teacher now though, is Barbara. Every day we travel this roller coaster, rambling river journey. Some days we end up back at the same place we started. Other days, it's all I can do to keep up with the program. And you know what ? There's homework. Every day !

When Jim said Alzheimer's was a blessing, I am fully aware of what he meant. He was talking about the best teacher he ever had. He's talking about the best learning experience in his life.

And so am I.

 

Chris

Yes. Yes, You are right on, Chrisp. I have been fortunate. To have lived with my best teachers. My loved ones. Including my cats. Love is the greatest teacher of all. I live with Jeanne. Forever. Sure, she died 10 years ago. After 40 years together. In the flesh, that is. But just as good. If not better. Jeanne’s spirit. Is alive. In me.  Her incinerated earthly remains as well. In a beautiful urn. On a shelf.  Same goes for dear cat Loverboy. His ashes. Contained in a smaller but equally beautiful Greek urn. On the same shelf. Side by side. Reminders. That those nearest and dearest to me. Are always in close proximity. Could be. That when I die. My ashes are mixed with Jeanne’s. Placed neatly under a tombstone. No names. Only an inscription. ‘True lovers. Forever.’ --Jim

 



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Posted: Monday, March 12, 2018 4:28 PM
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Jim Broede
Posted: Wednesday, March 14, 2018 3:54 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


TayB4 wrote:
Alzheimer's was a blessing for you and Christina? I wonder if your wife and  Christina's mother felt the same way about the disease. Calling Alzheimer's a blessing seems to be deliberately inflammatory.

By the way, Cristina has no 'h' in her name. Really, it's Maria Cristina. But she prefers to go by Cristina. It's a beautiful name, isn't it? Flows so nicely. Off my lips. And tongue, too. --Jim


Jim Broede
Posted: Thursday, March 15, 2018 12:13 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


TayB4 wrote:
Alzheimer's was a blessing for you and Christina? I wonder if your wife and  Christina's mother felt the same way about the disease. Calling Alzheimer's a blessing seems to be deliberately inflammatory.

My wife Jeanne and Cristina’s mother Lucia. Had advanced stages of dementia. And therefore, they were unable to think rationally about their disease. Or for that matter, to give any thought. To whether they were or weren’t blessed. By anything.  But even early on, I can’t imagine anyone stricken with  Alzheimer’s would feel blessed.  More likely, they’d feel cursed. Wouldn’t you, TayB4? But as for care-givers, they might eventually feel blessed. By the experience of care-giving. Because it made them more loving and better human beings. In the case of Cristina and I, it brought us together. Into a lasting loving relationship. That’s a blessing. Life works in strange and mysterious ways, you know. Blessings can pop up at the oddest and most unexpected moments. --Jim