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Music
dutiful deb
Posted: Sunday, March 17, 2019 9:54 AM
Joined: 1/1/2012
Posts: 1891


Throughout the years of my mom's dementia progression, the one constant that remained was her love of movies and music. She could not follow a complex plot, but she loved family style movies.  She'd laugh and smile through the whole thing, and, amazingly for her, she never tried to get up and wander away like she did on  other outings.  

A few years ago, our daughter went through a difficult time, during which she made some decisions that negatively impacted her life and ours. She chose to separate herself from us, and for a time we didn't know if we'd ever have a relationship with her again. Eventually she began to heal and rebuild her life, and our relationship was restored, but just like the pain of dealing with our loved one's  illness, the sorrow brought on by seeing our children go through troubling times is deep and often beyond what words can express. 

One of the movies we took Mom to see was the newer version of Beauty and the Beast.  I had misgivings about watching this remake, but we went anyway, and I cried through most of it. I'm not a big crier, but the music hit me in a way that brought out both good and bad feelings.  Although I don't sing well, I do love music, and I have a long list of songs that have brought me through some very rough times. One of those songs is "How Does a Moment Last Forever."  I don't know that it will be clickable, but I'll post a link to a version with words. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3WIOiJqCyo

I'd like to know how music has affected or helped you during difficult times.  I have so many favorites, but will just share this one for now. I hope to see what others enjoy! 


Wgonzo
Posted: Sunday, March 17, 2019 8:13 PM
Joined: 1/8/2016
Posts: 365


Music plays such an important part of our lives, right? You hear an old song from when you were a teenager and you're transported to that time. Dancing in your room or basement with your friends or cousins. Some songs bring joy while others bring comfort when you're down.

Music was the only way I could get a positive response from my mom. I played songs that she liked and the first time I did this it was amazing. I put on "Besame Mucho" ( kiss me a lot). We were in the hallway at the memory care facility and she sang along to the whole song. And when it was done she said "he would sing that to me" She meant my dad, because he always sang love songs to her. Then I played something up beat & she started dancing in her wheelchair. At this time she could stand & walk with assistance. So, I asked her if she wanted to dance with me. I helped her up and we danced, until she got tired and wanted to sit down. Now, when I hear songs that my parents would listen to I remember them and the love they shared.


dutiful deb
Posted: Tuesday, March 19, 2019 9:12 AM
Joined: 1/1/2012
Posts: 1891


I had the same experience with my mom. After she lost most of her verbal skills, she could still sing. One favorite was singing along with Doris Day to "A Bushel and A Peck". My dad used to sing that to us, and although she didn't remember Dad, she still had a connection to the songs he sang to us. I'm blessed to have that shared link with my parents, too. 

Music is also part of our self, care. When we can't get out, and when we're at home but not able to even read a book or watch t.v. as a way to escape, there is still music. I can't carry a tune in a bucket, but I can read music and can even pick out  a few tunes on the piano (although not very well), so singing and tickling the ivory has been helpful to me.  I work with children, and have one in particular that is having a rough time. I taught her "You are my Sunshine," and it's become the go-to for stress relief. I will randomly hear the child singing that song, and sometimes when coming to me with  a frustration, I will say, "Just remember: You are my sunshine!" The child will immediately pick up the line and start singing, and poof! Instant relief! 

 


John1965
Posted: Thursday, March 21, 2019 9:41 PM
Joined: 8/19/2016
Posts: 413


Thank you for starting this conversation! There are days when music is the only thing that gets me through. 

Here’s a start with Springsteen’s Wrecking Ball:

 Yeah we know that come tomorrow, none of this will be here

So hold tight to your anger
Hold tight to your anger
Hold tight to your anger, and don't fall to your fears

Now when all this steel and these stories, they drift away to rust
And all our youth and beauty, has been given to the dust
When the game has been decided, and we're burning down the clock
And all our little victories and glories, have turned into parking lots
When your best hopes and desires, are scattered to the wind
And hard times come, and hard times go
And hard times come, and hard times go
And hard times come, hard times go

And hard times come, and hard times go
And hard times come, and hard times go
Yeah just to come again

Bring on your wrecking ball
Bring on your wrecking ball
Come on and take your best shot, let me see what you've got
Bring on your wrecking ball. http://youtu.be/8DNwaojAJ18




dutiful deb
Posted: Saturday, March 23, 2019 7:47 PM
Joined: 1/1/2012
Posts: 1891


Thanks for that song! I had not heard it before, and listened to it this evening. The words totally fit after today, which was one of those kinds of days that was both relaxing and trying.  

When I was at a very low point in providing for my mom's care needs, I came across a song by a group I'd never heard of. After hearing the song simply called Worn, I listened often. It just seemed to echo what I was feeling at the time. 

I'm tired
I'm worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing

I've made mistakes
I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I know I need
To lift my eyes up
But I'm too weak
Life just won't let up
And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

And my prayers are wearing thin
I'm worn even before the day begins
I'm worn I've lost my will to fight
I'm worn so heaven so come and flood my eyes

I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Yes all that's dead inside will be reborn
Though I'm worn
Yeah I'm worn

 


John1965
Posted: Saturday, March 23, 2019 8:44 PM
Joined: 8/19/2016
Posts: 413


Here’s a link for a video your song by Tenth Avenue North. https://youtu.be/zulKcYItKIA

Thanks for sharing! 

 

 


John1965
Posted: Saturday, March 23, 2019 9:09 PM
Joined: 8/19/2016
Posts: 413


Here are a couple songs that overtly have AD as a theme. I’d enjoy hearing from others about music (instrumental or songs) that lift spirits regardless (or maybe because) of AD. 

 https://youtu.be/3KnfJxW4LJg  (Ed Sheeran’s Afire Love)

 https://youtu.be/zifeVbK8b-g  (Elvis Costello’s Veronica)

I wrote about it awhile ago, but I think many of the people currently dealing with AD and caregiving would identify with much of  “Springsteen on Broadway”, available on Netflix. His tribute to his mother (who has AD) is amazing and is followed by a little known song from his “Tracks” album, The Wish.    https://youtu.be/nCOdn1DNoko

Lyrics:

 Dirty old street all slushed up in the rain and snow

Little boy and his ma shivering outside a rundown music store window
That night on top of a Christmas tree shines one beautiful star
And lying underneath a brand-new Japanese guitar

I remember in the morning, ma, hearing your alarm clock ring
I'd lie in bed and listen to you gettin' ready for work
The sound of your makeup case on the sink
And the ladies at the office, all lipstick, perfume and rustlin' skirts
And how proud and happy you always looked walking home from work

If pa's eyes were windows into a world so deadly and true
You couldn't stop me from looking but you kept me from crawlin' through
And if it's a funny old world, mama, where a little boy's wishes come true
Well I got a few in my pocket and a special one just for you

It ain't no phone call on Sunday, flowers or a mother's day card
It ain't no house on a hill with a garden and a nice little yard
I got my hot rod down on Bond Street, I'm older but you'll know me in a glance
We'll find us a little rock 'n roll bar and baby we'll go out and dance

Well it was me in my Beatle boots, you in pink curlers and matador pants
Pullin' me up of the couch to do the twist for my uncles and aunts
Well I found a girl of my own now, ma, I popped the question on your birthday
She stood waiting on the front porch while you were telling me to get out there
And say what it was that I had to say

Last night we all sat around laughing at the things that guitar brought us
And I layed awake thinking 'bout the other things it's brought us
Well tonight I'm takin's requests here in the kitchen
This one's for you, ma, let me come right out and say it
It's overdue, but baby, if you're looking for a sad song, well I ain't gonna play it
DrChaz
Posted: Monday, May 27, 2019 10:38 AM
Joined: 5/30/2018
Posts: 1


It’s so good to see so many ways that music touches the lives of our loved ones.  My wife loves to sing along with musicals and songs from the 40s, 50s & 60s.  And she remembers all the words!

One time I was playing some hymns at a retirement home.  A man who had not spoken for a long time sat down right beside me on the piano bench and began to sing, and he remembered the words to each verse.

Indeed, music hath charms....