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I screamed yesterday.
White Crane
Posted: Saturday, January 4, 2020 11:34 AM
Joined: 2/27/2017
Posts: 224

   While driving to physical therapy yesterday for shoulder and neck pain...brought on by trying to keep DH from falling, everything just seemed to come crashing down on me!  I had been singing a song when all of a sudden the stress I try to hide from DH hit me in the face.  There wasn't much traffic around and I opened my mouth and screamed as loud as I could and began to cry.  This was the first time I have ever done anything like that.  It didn't fix anything and really didn't help me feel too much better but maybe it relieved some of the stress that had been building for so long.

Someone wrote a while back about feeling like Alice in Wonderland.  I know the feeling.  Trying to act normal and do what I need to do...including teaching three Tai Chi classes a week.  Then coming home to my DH who just sits all day and doesn't know what day it is  feels like being in Alice's Wonderland.  My eyes are filling with tears as I write this.  I'm so tired both physically and mentally.  This disease may kill us both.

I'm grateful for my Tai Chi classes.  They help keep me a little bit sane.

Posted: Saturday, January 4, 2020 12:03 PM
Joined: 4/2/2018
Posts: 3284

Sorry things have built up like that on you. It's not hard to understand how that could happen with this disease. It really sounds like you could use some respite. Hope your day gets better today.
Posted: Saturday, January 4, 2020 12:23 PM
Joined: 12/18/2011
Posts: 12052

Hi White Crane,

 I imagine the majority of us have done the same thing at least once, maybe more.  I know I have.  My respite was a big tree limb, low to the ground, that I could go out and sit on.  It's gone now as is my husband.  I think it helps to get the frustration, feeling of tiredness, everything out of your system - any way you can. 

 Tai Chi - A few years ago there were some lessons on TV and I tried to do it along with them.  It looks so easy but after each of those classes the next day I was so sore I could hardly move.  I probably couldn't do it now with my knees and back but a couple of years ago I would have like to have taken classes but there weren't any nearby.

 Glad they help you to relieve the frustration - we have to do anything that works for us.

Posted: Saturday, January 4, 2020 1:05 PM
Joined: 5/12/2019
Posts: 31

I can so understand your doing this.  We all need to let it out and you chose to let it out without upsetting you LO.  I wish I was able to have the control you do.  We all have frustrations with this disease and I am so impressed with the abilities to cope featured on this page.

My LO is in the early stages and I am so frustrated at what life has given us.  I find I am short with him, and I feel awful when it escalates.  I was the one who counted on him to stay calm, and not he can't.  I find his reacting to me just brings my snarkiness to angry words and misunderstandings.  We both get hurt and he can't understand my reactions.

Posted: Saturday, January 4, 2020 1:43 PM
Joined: 12/25/2019
Posts: 5

Am I the only one who has a problem remembering the good times? I been caregiver to my DW for 11 plus years no children her family all 4 siblings 60 plus my only family left for me  older sister..  DW had EO in 2008 . It is getting tougher over the last decade I am 10 years  older than her.. A friendly neighbor told me that about 50% of caregivers die first?                                              Sorry White Crane suppose to be new post I am newbie
Posted: Saturday, January 4, 2020 1:56 PM
Joined: 5/7/2018
Posts: 437

Someone told me to get those brown paper lunch bags and scream into them. I never tried it, but she swears it helps.
Jo C.
Posted: Saturday, January 4, 2020 2:09 PM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 11140

Sometimes, like a pressure cooker, we just have to let some of the pressure out . . . .


Posted: Saturday, January 4, 2020 5:02 PM
Joined: 3/15/2018
Posts: 616

I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve pulled over on my way to caretaking my parents and cried before I went in. I had to in order to keep my emotions in control. You are very right. Releasing the stress in a “safe way” will go a long way to keeping you together. You’re not alone!
Posted: Saturday, January 4, 2020 7:03 PM
Joined: 10/31/2019
Posts: 92

I can relate. You're not alone.

I went out and pruned two trees this afternoon.... to physically work and be outdoors in the chill air felt good. To know I am alive still... some days it feels like I am dying along side him. We all cope in different ways.

Posted: Saturday, January 4, 2020 8:41 PM
Joined: 6/21/2019
Posts: 802

Screaming is very healthy in this situation.

I used to go to the laundry room in the basement when I needed to scream. I'd scream and curse out God and everything else in the universe and my wife couldn't hear a word.

TPTB probably got a good laugh at some of what came out of my mouth during those rages.

If you have a room in the basement to vent in private, you might want to consider using it when needed.


Posted: Saturday, January 4, 2020 9:01 PM
Joined: 4/23/2019
Posts: 409

Yep, I have done that and I cry.  I am sorry this disease is swallowing you up.  Sending you positive energy and prayers.
Posted: Saturday, January 4, 2020 11:34 PM
Joined: 10/26/2019
Posts: 213

You’re not crazy, nor alone. Scream as loud and long as you need when alone in the car. It’s a cathartic release and hurts no one, except maybe your throat. It’s a horrendous disease.
White Crane
Posted: Sunday, January 5, 2020 11:50 AM
Joined: 2/27/2017
Posts: 224

Oh, my, thank you all for your replies, encouragement, and support!  I need that so much.  It helps to know you are all here.  Today has been easier, still hard, but easier... and that is a blessing.  God bless you.
Stuck in the middle
Posted: Sunday, January 5, 2020 12:27 PM
Joined: 6/4/2017
Posts: 647

Hang tough, White Crane.  Just remember, what does not kill me has made a grave tactical error
Posted: Sunday, January 5, 2020 8:53 PM
Joined: 6/10/2018
Posts: 53

I am so sorry you are struggling but it is ok to let it out.  Know others are supporting you. I am addicted to Tai Chi and go at least 3 times a week. It is so calming. Meditation in motion. Hang in there..we are here for you.
cousin bruce
Posted: Thursday, January 9, 2020 9:08 PM
Joined: 12/31/2019
Posts: 6

If we don't have some kind of release, it could kill us. I had to leave for a walk last night to get away from my wife with Lewey body disease. The aggression has become tough to take. Im afraid I might hurt her. Don't let this build up.
Posted: Friday, January 17, 2020 1:15 PM
Joined: 1/11/2020
Posts: 192

My stress relief / release is a bike ride - the more strenuous the better.  I didn't get one yesterday.
Posted: Friday, January 17, 2020 7:52 PM
Joined: 1/16/2020
Posts: 7

I have done that more than once. Usually in the car on the way home from work. I guess it's just the frustration of what life has become now. I usually cry after but always wipe my  tears and try to enter the house calm. I often wonder what happened to the "golden years" people used to talk about! Hang in there and scream as needed.
Posted: Saturday, January 18, 2020 10:33 AM
Joined: 10/26/2019
Posts: 213

I screamed again all alone in my car. Immediately after I thought of this string and truly felt the compassion of this community. “If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there, does it still make a sound? Thank you for being “there” sharing and understanding.