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I guess mom won't be seeing geriatric doctor
scaredandalone
Posted: Tuesday, April 10, 2012 9:55 PM
Mom and I had our doctor appointments today. Doc said it wouldn't do much good to take my mom to a geriatric doctor because she refuses to take medication anyway. Also the medication can sometimes cause serious side affects. I know this cause some of my medication causes me serious side affects. I guess I'm just grasping at straws. Bottom line, I want my mom back and I want some miracle to happen that will give her back to me. I don't cry much but typing this nearly brought tears to my eyes. I guess I will just have to cope with this and realize I can't stop the progression of this disease or make it go away. It kills me because I can see her getting worse and I can't do anything about it. She doesn't realize she has a problem so I feel it's my responsibility to help her, but I can't.
rose_ro
Posted: Tuesday, April 10, 2012 10:03 PM
Joined: 12/21/2011
Posts: 2431


I don't know what others would say, but why are you listening so much to your father?

 

I don't mean to be mean, but you are over 18, right?  And he's not been nice to her?

 

I would take her to the hospital...


Stephanie Z
Posted: Tuesday, April 10, 2012 10:09 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 4218


Hi Scared, I'm sorry your doctor let you down, because I really think he did. You have a right to seek the opinion of a geriatric physician. GPs don't know any more about geriatric then they do about pediatrics. Did he tell you that he did all of the tests to rule out possible treatable causes of dementia? Did he do thyroid tests, b12 tests, did he do an MRI? Did he evaluate her for depression? Did he even do a complete physical?

Your mom may or may not have AD. She may have one of the more treatable causes of dementia and you need to find this out.

As far as medicaitons go, just because you react to something does not mean she will and if she needs them, you can find a way to sneak them into her food if need be. The bottom line is that your health is declining and moms will decline as well. Her behavioral issues may become impossible for you to handle. You need to move now to keep the two of you as healthy as possible for as long as possible.

I suggest you call your local AD chapter and talk to the social worker there. Ask her what she can do to help you. Connect yourself with a support group. And please do try again to get mom to see a geriatric physician or a neurologist familiar with dementia.


rose_ro
Posted: Tuesday, April 10, 2012 10:18 PM
Joined: 12/21/2011
Posts: 2431


1) Stop telling yourself you can't do things.

 

2) Stop rationalizing away things

 

3) Stop making yourself powerless and / or a victim.

 

Depression and sadness can try to get the best of us.

 

I ASSURE YOU - I felt the same way.  My father was depressed, but even though my heart was down, I refused to let my head be down.  I KEPT WORKING AND WORKING AND HELPING HER AND MEDS HELPED HER AND IN SOME WAYS I GOT SOME OF MOM BACK.

 

and Dad found out he and others were wrong.

 

Not trying to YELL at you, but really - why does he have a hold on the two of you?

 

BREAK IT.


scaredandalone
Posted: Tuesday, April 10, 2012 10:18 PM
rose_ro wrote:

I don't know what others would say, but why are you listening so much to your father?

 

I don't mean to be mean, but you are over 18, right?  And he's not been nice to her?

 

I would take her to the hospital...

No this time not my father, I never even told him. I'm listening to our doctor but I don't think I should. Unfortunately, I'm over 18 (39) to be exact but my father pays the bills. If mom had an expensive medical bill it would go to my dad. But I might try to get her in to see a geriatric doctor anyhow. My dad has had a very controlling nature ever since I can remember and it's difficult for me to learn to go over his head. Takes time to learn that especially without money.

rose_ro
Posted: Tuesday, April 10, 2012 10:20 PM
Joined: 12/21/2011
Posts: 2431


Come on hon - your mom doesn't have money and insurance?  of course she does...

 

You fought what your father tried to do with the post office, and you two won!

 

Sometimes men reallllly do not take this well....so do what I did, all I cared about was helping Mom...

 

appoint yourself as protector of Mom, and of yourself, and the heck with him...

 

I'll say a prayer for you

 

(say one for us, too, please!)


scaredandalone
Posted: Tuesday, April 10, 2012 10:23 PM
Stephanie Z wrote:

Hi Scared, I'm sorry your doctor let you down, because I really think he did. You have a right to seek the opinion of a geriatric physician. GPs don't know any more about geriatric then they do about pediatrics. Did he tell you that he did all of the tests to rule out possible treatable causes of dementia? Did he do thyroid tests, b12 tests, did he do an MRI? Did he evaluate her for depression? Did he even do a complete physical?

Your mom may or may not have AD. She may have one of the more treatable causes of dementia and you need to find this out.

As far as medicaitons go, just because you react to something does not mean she will and if she needs them, you can find a way to sneak them into her food if need be. The bottom line is that your health is declining and moms will decline as well. Her behavioral issues may become impossible for you to handle. You need to move now to keep the two of you as healthy as possible for as long as possible.

I suggest you call your local AD chapter and talk to the social worker there. Ask her what she can do to help you. Connect yourself with a support group. And please do try again to get mom to see a geriatric physician or a neurologist familiar with dementia.

He ran a few tests but a long time ago; when the problem first began. She is so angry all the time and this scares me to death. I'm starting to have nightmares about her trying to hurt me. I so agree with you; I kind of wish you were my mom's doctor. You know so much about this disease. I'm going to see what I can do to get her to a geriatrician. I heard they are pretty busy, but I'm going to do my best. I always question my own decisions. I've never had much confidence in myself so it's very difficult to make decisions that concern someones health and life.

rose_ro
Posted: Tuesday, April 10, 2012 10:28 PM
Joined: 12/21/2011
Posts: 2431


Ok, sorry, I thought you said ''dad'' when it says ''doc''

 

please, sweetie, do you know how many MORON doctors we met?

 

whatever their specialty...we literally walked out of a doctor's office one time and I thought, ''wow, another moron'' (a GI doc, even with his fancy schools...)

 

I was talking to a nurse today about a GI TOP DOCTOR who let us walk out of his office with Mom in a lot of pain two years ago - and told us to make an appointment for a test in 2 weeks, when we should have gone to the ER that minute!

 

You're going to learn, and you might start a journal somewhere, even online...

 

I talked to our new doctor, a nice guy, and I told him what the neuro tried to do to us two years ago, basically intimidate us with his ''big brain'' Well, I didn't say that...

 

You know what it's like, when you see a doctor essentially being mean to your parents, to prove to (? who?) how smart he is?

 

He told me that a med she'd been on should not really have affected her cognition (when this new doctor ''got'' it right away! that yes it did affect her)... I LOOKED HIM IN THE EYE AND SAID, ''It did because I KNOW HER AND I SAW IT.''

 

Snap!

 

I want to say something important, and keep this in mind - if there is something biologically wrong with her, such as a UTI, or thyroid problems, she needs treatment right away.  She needs medical help.

 

Also, one of the symptoms with my mom was she stopped being able to remember to take her medications and supplements regularly.

 

So guess what? I made sure she took them.  every darn day!

 

And now, we put them in applesauce and pudding.

 

Your love for your mom is shining through - hang in there...

 

 


rose_ro
Posted: Tuesday, April 10, 2012 10:32 PM
Joined: 12/21/2011
Posts: 2431


scaredandalone wrote:
Mom and I had our doctor appointments today. Doc said it wouldn't do much good to take my mom to a geriatric doctor because she refuses to take medication anyway. Also the medication can sometimes cause serious side affects. I know this cause some of my medication causes me serious side affects. I guess I'm just grasping at straws. Bottom line, I want my mom back and I want some miracle to happen that will give her back to me. I don't cry much but typing this nearly brought tears to my eyes. I guess I will just have to cope with this and realize I can't stop the progression of this disease or make it go away. It kills me because I can see her getting worse and I can't do anything about it. She doesn't realize she has a problem so I feel it's my responsibility to help her, but I can't.

  1) he's actually commiting something close to negligence or malpractice, telling you not to go to to a specialist / generalist, however you want to think of it...

 

JUST GO, you don't need his approval, or your Dad's...

 

2)  I thought the way you did, I feared medications for Mom because of some of the side effects of meds I've had to take...

 

and, the medication she took 2 years ago at this time had side effects,...but I wish we had tried the memory meds first!  This neuro doc I mention above was right, he didn't want us to delay starting the Namenda...

 

but his way of talking to us was kind of - stupid....

 

We stopped going to him, and I 'll write up some time all the docs we did see!

Mom had some really good times, too, because of the help we got...


rose_ro
Posted: Tuesday, April 10, 2012 10:35 PM
Joined: 12/21/2011
Posts: 2431


scaredandalone wrote:
Stephanie Z wrote:

Hi Scared, I'm sorry your doctor let you down, because I really think he did. You have a right to seek the opinion of a geriatric physician. GPs don't know any more about geriatric then they do about pediatrics. Did he tell you that he did all of the tests to rule out possible treatable causes of dementia? Did he do thyroid tests, b12 tests, did he do an MRI? Did he evaluate her for depression? Did he even do a complete physical?

Your mom may or may not have AD. She may have one of the more treatable causes of dementia and you need to find this out.

As far as medicaitons go, just because you react to something does not mean she will and if she needs them, you can find a way to sneak them into her food if need be. The bottom line is that your health is declining and moms will decline as well. Her behavioral issues may become impossible for you to handle. You need to move now to keep the two of you as healthy as possible for as long as possible.

I suggest you call your local AD chapter and talk to the social worker there. Ask her what she can do to help you. Connect yourself with a support group. And please do try again to get mom to see a geriatric physician or a neurologist familiar with dementia.

He ran a few tests but a long time ago; when the problem first began. She is so angry all the time and this scares me to death. I'm starting to have nightmares about her trying to hurt me. I so agree with you; I kind of wish you were my mom's doctor. You know so much about this disease. I'm going to see what I can do to get her to a geriatrician. I heard they are pretty busy, but I'm going to do my best. I always question my own decisions. I've never had much confidence in myself so it's very difficult to make decisions that concern someones health and life.
 

   do you know how you get stronger? one foot in front of the other, making decisions, knowing you're doing the right thing...

 

don't stay stuck to one spot

 

if she's angry, she may have a UTI...you might also look up FTD, Stephanie can say some more...in such a case, a medication like aricept might not be right for her, but she needs an MRI and to get a diagnosis...

 

my mom hit me yesterday, i was shocked...the anger can make them do things, and my mom isn't even ''that'' angry...but frustration throws them off...


rose_ro
Posted: Tuesday, April 10, 2012 10:44 PM
Joined: 12/21/2011
Posts: 2431


I have to go to bed, to get up for the whole hospital thing with mom tomorrow, but kind of put a check mark mentally next to this doctor and say ''next!'' on to the next doctor, did you see the geriatician info i put up for your area, last week i think?

 

you're stronger than you think, you found us

 

I don't mean to yell, above.

 

Picture us being with you at the next doctor's visit.

 

PLEASE DO ONE THING - make sure you go to a ''good'' geriatrician, even call if you want to, google them...

 

if you get a ''bad'' doctor, it will cause problems...so get the best one you can...

 

"Bad doctors'' make me depressed!


rose_ro
Posted: Tuesday, April 10, 2012 11:03 PM
Joined: 12/21/2011
Posts: 2431


Please read this about medications

 

http://www.alzcompend.info/?p=244

 

and her site in general is very good...

 

If I knew then, what I know now, I would have gotten mom to a doctor who would have gotten her on memory meds 6 months earlier...

the name I am calling them is almost a misnomer, they're more than memory meds...

 

they can help with anger (as  long as the issue is not FTD)

 

have you ever gone on ''chat''?  Sometimes that can be very helpful...


AMETHYST07
Posted: Tuesday, April 10, 2012 11:06 PM
Joined: 3/31/2012
Posts: 1


You are AMAZING.  You are so heart broken and want your mom back.  I wish I could say the same.  I came home after working all day to find my mom in bed crying with all her things taken out of the closet and folded on the dresser. I want my mother to be gone out of my life!  It sound horrible but it is true.  You are an incredible person to be able to deal and see beyond this awful disease and remember your mom as she was before. I on the other hand am too angry and stressed out to want anything else but my freedom back.  Every night I serve her dinner and every night she gets a coughing attack.  It's horrible for her and it's horrible for me to live with her.
Stephanie Z
Posted: Tuesday, April 10, 2012 11:29 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 4218


 AMETHYST07 I'm sorry you are so miserable. If having someone else care for your mom would make life better for both of you, you should take steps in that direction. Do you have a durable power of attorney for mom? If not, I'd see an elder law attorney and take steps to get mom to sign one. If she will not, and can be declared incompetent then take that route. Once you have done this, look for a placement for mom.

What is going on in your life now is horrible for you AND for mom. Why ruin both your lives. Mom would probably be better off on a dementia unit. There she would receive the activity, socialization and stimulation she needs to preserve her self care skills as long as possible and many patients on these units have a fairly good quality of life. Your life would improve as well and I'll lay bets you will have a better relationship with your mom. If you find you want out entirely, make sure a responsible person has guardianship for her.

There are lots of excuses for not doing this. It takes work but will greatly improve both your lives.

Please take my advice and the advice of others who will add to this thread. I'm taking this posting to you and starting a new thread for you so others can offer their help.

Please stay on the forum. It's good to vent and we can help support you while you do what you need to do.

Stephanie


dutiful deb
Posted: Tuesday, April 10, 2012 11:36 PM
Joined: 1/1/2012
Posts: 1876


 

 

If you feel deep down that your Mom needs to see a geriatric doctor, then it's okay to ask for a referral even though the doctor discouraged it.  In fact, it's your right to do so.

 

When we started noticing my mom was having problems, I sought help from her primary care doctor.  This doctor had some good qualities, but it just wasn't a good fit and she dismissed many of our concerns. We changed doctors, and the new one didn't fool around but sent Mom to a geriatric doctor. I feel like a good doctor will know when to say, "This isn't my area of expertise, so let's send you to a specialist who can better help you."  My mom's primary care doctor and the geriatric specialist work in the same clinic and both have access to the same charts, and they act as a team for my Mom's care.

 

Furthermore, I think telling you that it wouldn't do any good to see a geriatric doctor because your mom won't take the meds anyway shows a defeatist attitude on your doctor's part. My mom's doctors and her nurse  encouraged me to find a support group,and I was provided with the contact information for a local social worker.

 

I hope things look up for you. Wish I had a magic wand to wave and make everything better. Hugs and Blessings...

 


scaredandalone
Posted: Wednesday, April 11, 2012 12:13 AM
AMETHYST07 wrote:
You are AMAZING.  You are so heart broken and want your mom back.  I wish I could say the same.  I came home after working all day to find my mom in bed crying with all her things taken out of the closet and folded on the dresser. I want my mother to be gone out of my life!  It sound horrible but it is true.  You are an incredible person to be able to deal and see beyond this awful disease and remember your mom as she was before. I on the other hand am too angry and stressed out to want anything else but my freedom back.  Every night I serve her dinner and every night she gets a coughing attack.  It's horrible for her and it's horrible for me to live with her.
I understand your anger. I'm angry quite a lot only my anger is directed towards my family that doesn't seem to want to do anything to help me. I would also like to have a life of my own. Most of my time is spent taking care of mom in some way or worrying about her. I've been caring for mom for seven years and have only been away once for two days in that time. My mom is angry all the time, talks to herself, paces the floor, thinks everyone is stealing, needs help showering, I could go on for a while but I know my mom is in there somewhere. I'm also stressed out beyond stressed. My health is declining quickly due to my stress. You are not alone in your feelings.

rose_ro
Posted: Wednesday, April 11, 2012 8:45 AM
Joined: 12/21/2011
Posts: 2431


AMETHYST07 wrote:
You are AMAZING.  You are so heart broken and want your mom back.  I wish I could say the same.  I came home after working all day to find my mom in bed crying with all her things taken out of the closet and folded on the dresser. I want my mother to be gone out of my life!  It sound horrible but it is true.  You are an incredible person to be able to deal and see beyond this awful disease and remember your mom as she was before. I on the other hand am too angry and stressed out to want anything else but my freedom back.  Every night I serve her dinner and every night she gets a coughing attack.  It's horrible for her and it's horrible for me to live with her.

  You can start your own post and people will have ideas for you.

 

Why are you so upset with her taking things out and crying?  Oh my heart breaks for HER, she needs help!  Has she seen a doctor, had an MRI

Find a good care place for her if you can't handle this.  Even if you can, get her help!

My mom has pneumonia - is that the cause of your mom's coughing?


Mimi S.
Posted: Wednesday, April 11, 2012 8:55 AM
Joined: 11/29/2011
Posts: 7035


Amethyst,

 

Please, your feelings are understandsble. Please, as soon as you read this call the help line: 1-800-272-3900 and ask to speak with the lead.

It does sound as though it's time to make other arrangements for your mom.