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Why can't I just be happy with the time we have!!
Posted: Sunday, November 11, 2012 9:42 PM
Joined: 6/3/2012
Posts: 5

I am so tired tired of betting myself up emotionally! I want to be more patient more loving more KIND!!! Why do I keep trying with all my might to keep her here in this world instead of joining her in her world????? Bob De Marco of the ALZ reading  room knew how.... he just stepped over into ALZ world and enjoyed the time they had together.. Everyday I say OK today I will make it into that place where we can coexist in harmony!! I want her to be happy and I want to be happy too!! Nope didnt make it today not even close  Tomorrow is a new day and I will try try try again...  Ok instead of making this a whining session I need some help  how can I help her help and feel useful and not be the house Cinderella If I let her she will clean from the time she gets up until bed time.. She owned her own cleaning company for most of he life so that's what she does to feel comfortable... That being said I cannot let her clean non stop all day. she will move from one task  to another no matter what task I set out for her( folding laundry, putting dishes  away sweeping, dusting, cleaning her room) its never enough.. I know she is trying to do what she knows how to do cause she cant do so many of the things she use to do (she was a very intellectual person reading and studying was her life.. She and My oldest Brother use to do math problems for fun!! Notice I said her and my Br not me I hated math ! I just dont know where to draw the line. How do I keep her from being the cleaning lady and still feel useful and needed?? Without making me feel like a bad daughter?? Thanks for letting  me whine and thanks for any advice or help you  might have....


Posted: Sunday, November 11, 2012 9:58 PM
Joined: 12/18/2011
Posts: 3097

Is she cleaning to the point where she won't eat or sleep?  

If she enjoys it and she feels useful doing it, let her clean.  It's not hurting anyone.  It's a purposeful activity and activity during the day will help her to sleep at night.


Just make sure you supervise so chemicals aren't being mixed together.

Posted: Sunday, November 11, 2012 10:28 PM
Joined: 6/3/2012
Posts: 5

She isn't cleaning to the point of not eating or sleeping but she can literally clean non stop until I ask her to come eat or do something else for me. She has a bad skin condition which I am sure has come from years of using chemicals to clean. Her hands will get so raw that they will  bleed and crack. It is a battle to get her to wear gloves also a battle to keep her from doing cleaning tasks that are dangerous to her (like climbing on a night stand on second floor of our house to clean the blinds, or trying to lift the desert rocks) I know that cleaning in its self is ok my problems is knowing when to step in and when to just look the other way..  How much is to  much?? For me if she is cleaning for than 2 hours then I begin to worry. she does not know when she is tired or when she is hurting she is in the later stages of stage 6 and early stage 7  so I worry that she will over tire her self and then not be able to sleep and the cycle of cleaning gets worse she will get up in the middle of the night and start cleaning again....
Posted: Monday, November 12, 2012 1:21 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 4110

Nothing is too much.  Just ensure no climbing, moving rocks maybe she can clean the room that you are in only.

If this is what she enjoys support it.  

Stephanie Z
Posted: Monday, November 12, 2012 3:03 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 4218

nanny, I believe, like you, that mom is probably doing too much of the one thing. It sounds like more of an obsessive behavior than an enjoyable activity. I'm wondering if she might not be helped by a geriatric psychiatrist with an anti anxiety medication until  this passes.

     Meantime, try soothing music (will she dance with you?) Aroma therapy might offer some help. (search for posts by Lane, who addresses this often). The other thing you might consider is day care. They will give her more of the socialization, stimulation, activity and appropriate exercise she needs to have a better quality of life and it may break that pattern.


Hope some of this hleps


Posted: Tuesday, November 13, 2012 9:53 AM
Joined: 6/3/2012
Posts: 5

Stephanie, Thank you so much! Your suggestions were right on. It is more of obsessive behavior than enjoyable for her. I home school 2 grandchildren and I have started having mom help with the arts n crafts projects and I just contacted a day care center and will  be touring later this week. It will be very hard for me to leave her there but I know in my heart that she needs the socialization and mental stimulation. again thank you
Posted: Tuesday, November 13, 2012 10:13 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 18481

(out of the box) if she is in charge of the arts and crafts program at home can she "help" with that at the day care.?


Also I have an extension swifter that reaches ladders needed.