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Someone please hold my hand...
​NorthWoods
Posted: Wednesday, December 21, 2016 3:50 PM
Joined: 4/6/2016
Posts: 344


my husband had a near fatal head injury 13 years ago.  For the past year we have been dealing with a downward spiraling progressive dementia.  May be Alzheimer's, may be fld,  it doesn't really matter.  The rate has been frightening.  On Monday our internist, a brilliant man we have been with for nearly 30 years, told me that he didn't believe that there was any more that he could do.  He is always there for us but there are no more silver bullets or even Hail Mary passes.   Tomorrow we see the neuro-psychiatrist and I am dreading.  I know he will say the same.  I know it is true.  I just don't want to hear it.  So please, hold my hand as I don't know if I do this without my knees buckling.
Jen R
Posted: Wednesday, December 21, 2016 3:58 PM
Joined: 12/21/2016
Posts: 13


Sending prayers and peace your way!
TessC
Posted: Wednesday, December 21, 2016 5:09 PM
Joined: 4/1/2014
Posts: 4880


You and your husband don't deserve this. None of us do. I am sorry and pray for your family. I hope you find strength and will take one day at a time. I extend my hand in friendship and care. Take care and good luck tomorrow.

jfkoc
Posted: Wednesday, December 21, 2016 5:20 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 17291


holding your hand and also have my arms around you...we are here for you!!!
annie789
Posted: Wednesday, December 21, 2016 6:16 PM
Joined: 11/19/2015
Posts: 1005


I am so sorry -- everything about this disease is heartbreaking.  I had a hard time for the first 6-8 months after my husband was diagnosed.  As in your words my knees were always seeming to be ready to buckle. 

Please know there are a lot of loving and caring friends on this board to help you get through this.  Come back often.

Annie


Joplin
Posted: Wednesday, December 21, 2016 6:44 PM
Joined: 5/19/2016
Posts: 64


Praying for you - this disease is awful and draining to all.  Each person travels it a little differently and I hope your path is one of the more gentle ones.
George K
Posted: Wednesday, December 21, 2016 7:27 PM
Joined: 12/16/2011
Posts: 2807


Here's an e-bearhug...

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((NorthWoods)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))


JTB daughter
Posted: Wednesday, December 21, 2016 7:36 PM
Joined: 7/1/2015
Posts: 29


Holding your hand and sending hugs and prayers!
Blushka
Posted: Wednesday, December 21, 2016 8:42 PM
Joined: 11/22/2016
Posts: 23


Putting you both on a cloud of comfort. You will get thru this somehow, just as you have gotten this far. Lean on those who care.
​NorthWoods
Posted: Thursday, December 22, 2016 4:59 PM
Joined: 4/6/2016
Posts: 344


Thank you all so much.  I swear I could feel your hugs, prayers, and love as I made it through today.  My knees did not buckle beneath me although my heart broke a little.  We are indeed on an ever accelerating downward spiral.  His moca score dropped another 7 points in just 3 months.  This was probably the last time he will be able to do it at all.  I feel so badly for him.  He is both embarrassed and angry as he sees that can not do the simplest things without help but also can not see his own deficits.  The doctors expect that the decline will continue to be rapid.  I know that you will all understand that I hope they are right and that they are wrong at the same time.  Thank you all for the loving support.  I couldn't do this without you.
BillSlam
Posted: Thursday, December 22, 2016 8:00 PM
Joined: 10/5/2016
Posts: 142


Like all caregivers, you probably have had a knot in your stomach since the first time you knew something was wrong and it would get worse.  For me, I had that knot for just over a year.  I lost weight, felt spent.  My PC doctor told me that I was under too much stress and suggested a low dose of Lexepro.  About a month after started it, I was lying in bed one night and realized I didn't have a knot in my stomach.  It does not affect my function and I am the sole caregiver to my DW.  Basically, things roll off my back that would have got me down before. I'm still very much effected by what I see happening to my DW, but I can handle it and keep moving.
His Daughter
Posted: Friday, December 23, 2016 2:43 AM
Joined: 6/25/2014
Posts: 2273


Everyone here will be supporting you.  I knew my father had some dementia for years.  But taking him in for the tests, and seeing the report, somehow made it all real.  This disease is a series of adjustments.  You'll find your way, with plenty of grieving along the road.   

You never know how strong you are,   until strength is the only choice you have.