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Wife - Where are the kitties? then crying (they passed long ago)
Dave G
Posted: Saturday, August 24, 2019 9:35 PM
Joined: 7/31/2012
Posts: 3

It breaks my heart most when my wife is crying, sad about something that happened long ago. Lately she has been asking about our cats,, both of whom passed years ago. Then it seems like she things they just died and starts crying.
I try to comfort her, then gradually change the subject to get her mind off of it.
Any other suggestions??

Posted: Sunday, August 25, 2019 6:31 AM
Joined: 3/6/2017
Posts: 2167

Perhaps she would respond to a Joy for All cat? My dad's MCF often put one in the laps of someone having a rough day and it was ridiculously effective at cheering people up. 

A dear friend checked one out at the local library when the family cat became wary of her mom. She loved on it so much my friend bought he one of her own.

Greg G
Posted: Sunday, August 25, 2019 6:58 PM
Joined: 2/8/2017
Posts: 987

Hey Dave,

How about NOT telling her that the kittens have died?  Since telling her that only causes her grief and anxiety, why continue it.  Tell her they are outside at the moment and they will come in when they are hungry.  Or that you saw them hiding in the basement a few minutes ago.  They will come out when they are ready.  You know how cats are.

The animated cat toys(?) have been quite successful in alleviating the stress over lost pets I have been told and read.

Good luck and best wishes, Greg

King Boo
Posted: Monday, August 26, 2019 1:00 PM
Joined: 1/9/2012
Posts: 3233

Not the truth.

The kitties - are living on the farm, remember they are therapy kitties now helping others, far, far away, not here now, at the vet for a while, living with our trusted friend, remember I had allergies develop, out hunting in the woods

depends on what her short term memory is like.  Some fiblets will work better than others.  What she doesn't need to hear is super sad news, over and over, that her beloved pets are dead.

Posted: Monday, August 26, 2019 1:12 PM
Joined: 10/9/2014
Posts: 1047

When my LO was first diagnosed, she worried a lot. She would cry most of the day over worry that one of her cousins or aunts was ill, had a doctor appointment, had car accident,  etc.  She also obsessed that her cat was okay. She refused to let the cat out of sight and was terrified the cat would escape from the house through a a crevice the size of a pea.  I tried to verbally comfort her as much as possible, but, until she went on a daily med for anxiety/depression, she was worried and cried too much.  The medication really helped her become content.  After that, I was able to comfort her.  Before the meds, she was inconsolable.
Posted: Tuesday, August 27, 2019 12:46 PM
Joined: 6/11/2019
Posts: 516

My mother goes in spurts about obsessing over our cat! She, too, is worried he'll get out ... at night ... when everything is locked up! When he is out of visual range, she freaks out that something has happened to him.

Other times she'll tell me she can't find him or hasn't seen him for hours. Well, 5 minutes ago he was laying on the bed NEXT TO HER. I'll go upstairs and there he'll still be ... right where he was 5 minutes ago!

Sometimes I wonder if  I'm not the one going crazy.

Posted: Tuesday, August 27, 2019 4:31 PM
Joined: 2/2/2019
Posts: 156

I agree with the advice from Greg G. You should not be telling your wife the kitties have died. When my DH asks about our dogs that are no longer with us, I tell him not to worry, that they are sleeping, or they are outside, or at the groomers and change the subject. My DH sometimes mentions that he is concerned about his mom and dad. I reassure him that they too are fine. Telling him that his parents passed away many years ago does not fit his “reality”. We, as caregivers, have to step into dementia “reality” and use fiblets as needed to avoid the emotional distress that our loved ones experience.