RSS Feed Print
Aides in AL and IL
Posted: Tuesday, January 24, 2012 9:27 PM
Joined: 12/21/2011
Posts: 2431

Does anyone here have experience with having an aide in an AL or IL?


My father finally started asking some questions (should have asked these a long time ago!) about AL and IL for himself and Mom.


Some people (not sure who, will find out later) said they would not need an aide.  Some said they would need an aide in AL and / or IL.   I'm not sure if it's the doctor's determination about an aide and / or where they live.


I wouldn't be surprised if they needed an aide.  I'm basically working as an aide for part of the day.  My father not only can't do it all, he doesn't get that he's not interested enough to do it all.


This kind of goes back to my question about the checklist where people ''belong.''


(This is also why I encourage people to ask questions, because I'm always finding out that things are different than the way they seem).


I'm still interested in the Memory area for my mom.  I think they could live there together, and go do different things in the different areas (if it's not ''allowed'' then they shouldn't live there)


I saw the Memory area almost a month ago.  I have wanted my father to inquire more, about ANYthing and he didn't.  As far as I know.  In addition, most of the admin only really want to talk to HIM about certain things.  Ok, whatever. 


The only place closest that I was interested for my mom doesn't take couples, as far as I know.  And he never went to see it anyway.


So - and I'm not big into moving her anyway - he's going to have to find out what the reality is, and make some decisions.  I'll mention the memory unit again tomorrow, I don't know how aides work there.


My mom before the fall last year was one person. She could do this or that in the house.  She also had my father with her at night, which helped orient her a lot I'm sure.


The aide tonight told us that my mom's bed alarm went off last night about 9:30 PM.  When she got to the room, my mom had her clothes on and was wanting to ''go to church.''  (I've read that here before!)


I thought today (before we spoke to the aide) that my mom seemed a little off today, and maybe yesterday about time.  I was there for lunch, and she seemed to think it was dinner time.


Anyway!  I've expressed before concern about my mom needing a bed alarm, and other things.  I feel like saying Dad, it is what it is.  This is where Mom is right now, and we have to work with that.  Maybe she won't always need this, but...


I never got to take my mom to the memory area, to see what she thinks of it.  I know my father would like to be as independent as possible.  I even thought last week that perhaps the IL would be a possibility.  She was eating better.  But she's back to not eating so well.  Just - ''ok.''


Also, reading here that we should place LO's based on ''their worst day'' also affects my thinking.


I'm sure my father doesn't want to spend money on an aide, nor the ''intrusion'' of an aide.  But he didn't appreciate what I did for them, and it's clear now.


We had a ''fight.'' which I feel bad about.  He tried bossing me around when I was asking some questions, and I was so tired of all of this that I went up to bed.  I have no energy to fight, and of course am upset about what my mom needs in her life.


This whole ''process'' is making it worse.  I could have made some decisions some time ago - and I get that I could go for different legal powers, but don't think I should right now (am working on it though!  you never know what could happen) - but they're relying on him, and him thinking somehow things will work out right without much effort...


so so tired of all of this!  But if anyone has any experience with this kind of situation, I'd appreciate any ''sharing.'' thanks


I think my parents are in an unusual position.  My father is still pretty active, and I've seen spouses in the same kind of condition (my father might be a little better than some).


But some have spouses that are ''worse'' than my Mom. 


I just let things go, in a way.  I'll let him ask some more questions tomorrow, of the people there.  if he's not going to be nice to me, then he should stay away from me.  I know things bother him.  But as I said in another post, he has done this before.  he lets things go, and then when a lot of info is presented to him, he's not sure what decision to make.


In this case, I'm going to stay out the decision for now.  I saw my mom twice today, and it's tiring to me.  If he were with her, WHEREVER, she would feel better.  So I did what she would do, pray.  


My father worked so much in the last year, he was not home with Mom.  I was.  Why they're relying on him to make certain decisions is kind of nuts.  I kind of ''warned'' them about some of what's happening.  I think he's still kind of hoping I'll say, sure Dad, bring Mom home and I'll care for her.  That's part of what makes me feel so bad. But her life is SO much better there, more interesting


(And I told her not to try to go to church in the middle of the night lol!  And she needs to take her aide with her if she does go!  My mom said "oh I won't go out in this weather!'' 


I think it had something to do with her being out to see the doctor yesterday.  Probably brought up a lot of memories / emotions, being back there.)

Posted: Tuesday, January 24, 2012 10:08 PM
Joined: 12/21/2011
Posts: 2431

My father is thinking about what my mom is like when he's there and I'm there.


I'm thinking about what she would be like if we weren't there.  My mom, probably, hopefully, will never be ''alone'' as some of the people there are.  but I'm not sure my mom could function as well.


I saw her today, as she played part of a word game, and she does do well in a lot of ways.  But when she was tired, and wanted to leave, she was waiting for someone (me) to take her back to her room.


Will she get more independent, as she once was?  perhaps.  But also, I wonder if trying to handle a more independent lifestyle is too much for her.

Posted: Tuesday, January 24, 2012 10:25 PM
Joined: 12/21/2011
Posts: 2431

Yes, it's me again!  So tired of having to take the bull by the horns!


After I wrote the posts above, I thought about things.  Wrote my father a note about how he should not speak that way to anyone (as he did to me).


I told him he should have asked these questions before (one problem is, even though this place may rely on him to do certain things, I'm the one that's usually making the phone calls and decisions for some things, etc).


That I wanted him to see the memory unit a month ago (this goes back to the ''should I even ask this question?''  The woman who showed me the memory unit would not have shown it to me if she didn't think there was a CHANCE it was the right place for my mother).


So I called and left a message for someone there, to ask them to show my father and / or my mother the memory unit.  My mom is actually in a good enough position to know if she would prefer that place or the IL.  That might sound strange, but my mom looked more comfortable today with some people in the SN area than in the IL area.  She is someone who likes to take care of people, when she's feeling ok.  Also, she's like the big fish in the SN pond in a sense, where my father is more of the big fish in the IL pond, if that makes sense.


We stopped and talked to a woman who was almost 100 today on the way to lunch.  They had a nice little conversation and as we rolled away, my mom said, ''Even people who are older need others to pay attention to them.''


If I didn't think there'd be a benefit to my mom, and even my father, I would not even think about it.



Ok, this does let me edit things later.


One reason I liked the memory unit (just ''remembered''   )


is that it was QUIET.  My mom loves quiet, it might even be why she wants to come home.  (I know, everyone does!)   We close the door all the time to her room,  because it gets so noisy where she is.


And if she hears a strange noise, she wants to know what it is.


I forgot some of the reasons I liked that area.