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No feeding tube
Nikki J
Posted: Friday, January 27, 2012 1:08 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 91

Hi everyone I am not in need of advice but a hug!

For those who do not know me my mother is late stage 7 and lives with DH and me. I am her primary caretaker with help from DH and a paid caregiver while I work part time.

It is becoming increasingly difficult to get food into her (she is willing to eat but has all but forgotten how to swallow) We have tried all the tricks I promise you!

Yesterday her doctor (who is a friend and colleague of DH and mine) said that IF we were to want a fedding tube now is the time. He does not recommend it but felt compelled to present the option which we really knew anyway.

It is not an option we will consider because

1. it is against her previous expressed wishes (oral and written) that in itself is enough to say no. I would honor her wishes whatever they were.

2 Neither DH or I believe personally or professionally it would benefit her and would only put her through additional suffering to have such a procedure

3 I do not think it would prolong her existence but I do not think that is desirable anyway. She does not seem to be physically sufferung but  I think she is suffering psychically


I am comfortable that this is the right decision. It is something we have talkedabout and agreed on in the past but it is surprisingly painful to be at this point.


We do not need hospice yet we have the physical part covered and have good emotional support systems.


As I said I don't need advice but if you can spare a virtual hug it will be much appreciated


Thank you




Posted: Friday, January 27, 2012 1:33 PM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 740

Well, I'm sure sending you lots of soft (((((hugs)))))


You're a strong, compassionate lady.

Posted: Friday, January 27, 2012 1:50 PM
Joined: 12/20/2011
Posts: 78

Hugs to you, {{{Nicole}}}.  May all of your hearts be filled with peace knowing you are following your mom's wishes.  You are a wonderful person.
Posted: Friday, January 27, 2012 2:15 PM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 156

Sending many warm hugs and prayers that you will feel God's strength when your spirit sags.
Posted: Friday, January 27, 2012 2:25 PM
Joined: 1/11/2012
Posts: 3

Many hugs and prayers to you!
Posted: Friday, January 27, 2012 2:31 PM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 2105

I know how hard it is.  I was there with my mom.  You have a very big warm hug from me.
Posted: Friday, January 27, 2012 2:43 PM
Joined: 12/10/2011
Posts: 287

Nikki---Sending a few hugs your way....

Posted: Friday, January 27, 2012 2:58 PM
Joined: 1/16/2012
Posts: 5

You have my virtual hug! Thank you for sharing, yet another heart breaking step in this disease. Love, Trish
Posted: Friday, January 27, 2012 3:00 PM
Joined: 12/6/2011
Posts: 31

Nikki, adding my hug to others headed your way.
Posted: Friday, January 27, 2012 3:08 PM
Joined: 12/2/2011
Posts: 726

Sending you many hugs, Nikki.  Please know there are people out here thinking of you at this difficult time.
Posted: Friday, January 27, 2012 3:25 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 701

Bless you for your care of your dear Mother especially during this difficult time!  Sending prayers and hugs!!!!
Nikki J
Posted: Friday, January 27, 2012 4:20 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 91

Thank you everyone!

It really does help to hear from you

Hugs back to you


May God bless and protect you and all your LOs




Posted: Friday, January 27, 2012 7:00 PM
Joined: 12/20/2011
Posts: 276

Bless you and your family NIKKI, I WISH YOU PEACE AND STRENGTH what a wonderful daughter you are, I just know your mom is so proud of you.sending you virtual ((((((HUGS)))))) May your mom soon find peace.
Cheryle Gardiner
Posted: Friday, January 27, 2012 10:56 PM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 529

((((((((( Hugs ))))))))) to you, Nicole. You are a wonderful and compassionate daughter, and I wish for you and your mom a peaceful time as you begin a new journey.
Posted: Saturday, January 28, 2012 2:02 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 18693

more hugs sent!!! When you have time please let us know how you are doing.
Posted: Saturday, January 28, 2012 2:11 PM
Joined: 11/29/2011
Posts: 799

I just want to add my hugs as well.
Posted: Saturday, January 28, 2012 3:57 PM

You are making the most loving decision possible.

I'm sorry. I know how much it hurts. Wishing you all possible comfort. 

If you don't have hospice on board, now is the time to call them in and consider things like a morphine drip, etc.

((((( HUGS )))))

Nikki J
Posted: Saturday, January 28, 2012 6:07 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 91

Thank you all again.

I am feeling a little better today. Really nothing has changed but talking about it as a current issue instead of a future one hurt.

Leah, thank you. I think bad as things are they are not as bad as it probably sounds.

She is losing weight slowly, she is getting some nutrition in still, she is not in physical pain, her skin is intact, she does not need morphine at this point

I am sure she would qualify for hospice but we do not need it yet. We have her physical/ medical needs covered and we have good support systems. There may come a time when we will ask for them but not now

Wishing all of you a peaceful night






deeptime dreamer
Posted: Sunday, January 29, 2012 4:09 PM
Joined: 1/28/2012
Posts: 751

Love and light, hugs and blessings !!  I wish you peace in your journey.