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How do I take away his last passion?
​NorthWoods
Posted: Wednesday, August 30, 2017 10:11 PM
Joined: 4/6/2016
Posts: 344


my dh is late stage 5 as a result of a severe traumatic brain injury. He hasn't driven in over a year.  His passion is road cycling. For the last 20+ years he has riden between 20 and 40 miles a day during the season. Despite his decline he has continued to ride albeit shorter rides and not every day.  We live in a rural area with very little traffic and he is unlikely to get lost as I can track him in real time.  The problem -in the last week he has forgotten how to shift gears on a bike that he has been riding for over ten years. He insists the bikes are broken. They are not.  I am taking the bikes to the shop where they will stay for a while "waiting on parts" but how do I take this one last thing away from him?

This is all too hard.


Donna5
Posted: Wednesday, August 30, 2017 10:46 PM
Joined: 6/12/2013
Posts: 92


Hi NorthWoods,

I don't have any real advice, but I went through something similar.  My mother's passion was playing musical instruments.  She had played bassoon since high school.  Alz took away her ability to play music, not I or anyone else.  The sight of the instruments reminded her of her lost ability, agitated her, and they had to be removed from her sight.  I think you are doing the right thing. 

 I did try several different new, very simple, activities that she could do, in an effort to "replace" what was lost.  I think it helped her feel better.


TessC
Posted: Wednesday, August 30, 2017 10:49 PM
Joined: 4/1/2014
Posts: 4878


How about getting him a bike with no gears? He may just enjoy being outside and the exercise  and not have "bike envy" anymore. I say that because my husband also loves to ride and for a number of years he always wanted the newest and best bikes. Not the case anymore, Maybe your husband will be satisfied with a simple bike, too.
Iamnumberfour
Posted: Thursday, August 31, 2017 8:30 AM
Joined: 2/29/2016
Posts: 1268


I second Tess' idea. And perhaps you or someone else can ride with him (or discreetly behind him) to see if he is really safe riding and to make sure he doesn't get lost.
Dawn831
Posted: Thursday, August 31, 2017 9:03 AM
Joined: 10/30/2015
Posts: 262


How about getting him a an automatic shifting bike? Or, maybe he's right and his bike is broken. A single speed might be ok if you are not in a hilly area.
VKB
Posted: Thursday, August 31, 2017 9:56 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 3469


​NorthWoods wrote:

" but how do I take this one last thing away from him?

This is all too hard.

I suspect you really know deep in your heart the answer to this one. And the write the following with the understanding that this whole process is very difficult for you and him.  Perhaps you stop him because he may kill himself or someone else.  Hoping you find peace, knowing you are protecting him and someone else.  Peace always Veronica


dayn2nite2
Posted: Thursday, August 31, 2017 10:04 AM
Joined: 6/20/2016
Posts: 1968


VKB is right.  You are only taking away the likelihood that he will massively injure or kill himself running into a tree, a ditch, a car, a fence.

This is a safety issue, not a quality of life issue.
VKB
Posted: Thursday, August 31, 2017 10:14 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 3469


Donna5 wrote:

Hi NorthWoods,

 I did try several different new, very simple, activities that she could do, in an effort to "replace" what was lost.  I think it helped her feel better.

This was a smart and loving thing to do Donna5.  Peace always Veronica

Eric L
Posted: Thursday, August 31, 2017 10:34 AM
Joined: 12/5/2014
Posts: 1117


Maybe you can get him one of those fancy-ish exercise bikes. I've seen really cool bikes at the gym with video screens and road courses that you can select. Of course, it might not work. I try to run a few times a week & I hate treadmills. He might feel the same way about exercise bikes.
kRc
Posted: Thursday, August 31, 2017 12:29 PM
Joined: 3/3/2015
Posts: 58


Hi NorthWoods,

I bought a rickcycle so for a couple of years we could still bike.

http://www.ricksycle.com/

Can't use it anymore but my husband like yours just wanted to bike. 

We live in a very hilly area and that was a challenge.  The steering was hard to get use to as well.  But, we frequently biked over to the neighbors farm.

k


ndhme
Posted: Thursday, August 31, 2017 2:45 PM
Joined: 5/31/2015
Posts: 1158


how do I take this one last thing away from him?

One of our main goals is to ensure their safety...we have to face reality and accept that there comes a time where we need to ensure their safety, ours and others in their path.  

For me it was a no brainer...I could weather the storm that may arise as it would pass in time...


​NorthWoods
Posted: Saturday, September 2, 2017 8:03 PM
Joined: 4/6/2016
Posts: 344


Thanks everyone. You are right; I know what it means but was hoping for a magic wand answer. Until last week he was able to ride. I had someone follow him every week or so to assess his riding so I felt fairly comfortable. Yes he could get hurt but it is his passion and, as he was unlikely to hurt anyone else, accepted the risk.  Where he more likely to see two moose than to see two cars.  Now it is different. He can't remember how to change gears and worse, how to kick out of the pedals.

A friend picked up the bikes today. He is going test them out but since they were both recently serviced it is unlikely that there is anything wrong with them. Fortunately it is September and the riding season is almost over. Creative fiblets and the loan of a low tech bike will hopefully get us through without too much fuss.

This all sucks, but you already know that.