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My mom has passed(2)
Posted: Wednesday, October 10, 2018 12:11 PM
Joined: 12/26/2015
Posts: 182

After 8 days with no food or water, my mom finally won her battle against Alzheimer's on Monday 10-8-18.  She is whole and free again!!

It was not how I expected, when my MIL passed from cancer, she did what felt like hours of slowing breathing... despite the morphine, my moms breathing was slightly elevated as she fought it so hard, which I had become accustomed to as I watched her hour after hour after hour for days on end.  So I was sitting on her love seat across from the hospital bed in her room, and my Google home play was playing the sound of ocean waves.  The playing stopped... I noted it was glitchy for the last few days.  My husband came in and sat down, which was unusual because he is a 'fixer' and had been restlessly cleaning, building, digging in the garden, etc. for days.  He sat down and we talked a little, and I told him I had just been to the kitchen to get a drink.  I looked at my mom and noticed she was suddenly breathing softly, steady and quiet.  He noted it too, and said, "I don't think she will make it another night..."  and he got up and went to the other bedroom to check on our sick cat.  I called to him right away to come back - because I saw my mom take 2, maybe 3 slightly strained breaths...her face kind of frowned, and then softened almost to a smile... and that was it.  And a soft breeze came through the window over her head, and we heard the sound of an ocean wave crashing.  

She was a month shy of her 72nd birthday, just 3 1/2 years since her diagnosis (which was quite late I suspect).  She spent the last year and a half in our home, and aside from a few caregivers to help with the work days we could not manage with her... we were her primary caregivers through thick and thin.  Most of it thick.  Heartbreaking, challenging and gut wrenching.  I learned so much... I grew as a person, and my heart that was cracked open with pain ultimately has allowed in more light.  

I remember when people posted here that their loved one had passed, I felt so much sadness for them... but also a tiny bit of envy... that their LO was free, and their struggles were all over.  It is surreal being in that place now.  I am so very grateful to this board as a source of comfort as I navigated the stormy waters of dementia -  in the same boat with you all.  Thank you and bless you all...   

Posted: Wednesday, October 10, 2018 12:31 PM
Joined: 6/12/2017
Posts: 258

    Oh Brightside I am so sorry for the loss of your dear mother also glad that she is not suffering from this wretched disease any longer. I feel all to well what you said about being sad for( you and) the others whose LO has succumbed to there dementia but a little bit jeolous because my LO's suffering goes on.  You and your family are in my  thoughts and prayers as you go through these finishing touches of this journey. Try to get some much needed and deserved rest and check back in from time to time to let us know how you are doing. God Bless you

Posted: Wednesday, October 10, 2018 12:35 PM
Joined: 11/9/2017
Posts: 306

I'm so very sorry. You did such an amazing thing staying by her side. I am convinced, for reasons not explainable here, that she knew you were there and your presence gave her immense peace and comfort. It is a great thing that you have done. 
There are many resources on grieving that you may want to access. You will be in a fog and the world will move way too fast. I found it easiest to stay out of it. 
Wishing you some healing.
Posted: Wednesday, October 10, 2018 12:43 PM
Joined: 3/8/2018
Posts: 808

Grief is like the wake behind a boat.

 It starts out as a huge wave that follows close behind you and is big enough to swamp and drown you if you suddenly stop moving forward.

 But if you do keep moving, the big wake will eventually dissipate.

 And after a long time, the waters of your life get calm again, and that is when the memories of those who have left begin to shine as bright and as enduring as the stars above.

~Jimmy Buffett, "A Salty Piece of Land"

Posted: Wednesday, October 10, 2018 1:13 PM
Joined: 2/29/2016
Posts: 1265

Brightside so sorry for your loss. I hope that you find consolation in knowing that she is at peace and was surrounded by her loved ones.  I love the quote that Sel posted, such an accurate representation of grief.
Posted: Wednesday, October 10, 2018 1:19 PM
Joined: 5/14/2018
Posts: 250

May your poor mom rest in the sweetest peace.  Our loved ones go through so much (as do we) with this disease that death seems like it would be a relief for everyone involved, but yet when it happens we're never really prepared for it. Wishing you strength now and in the days ahead.  Please feel free to join us in the "Caregivers who lost someone" forum.  I found it to be very helpful in the aftermath of losing my dear mother.  Bless you brightside.  You took great care of your mother and now it's time to take care of yourself.  

Be kind to your heart

-Kat xoxoxoxo  

Posted: Wednesday, October 10, 2018 1:36 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 18310

Please accept my sympathy too.

It is surreal along with a lot of other feelings.

We are with you as  you walk this part of your journey...

Veterans kid
Posted: Wednesday, October 10, 2018 1:41 PM
Joined: 10/17/2014
Posts: 1239

Brightside, I’m sorry for the loss of your mom, but happy she’s free. You are such a loving daughter and kudos to you hubby for being supportive too 

It’s a very surreal time.  Exhaustion beyond any exhaustion you’ve felt. Be gentle with yourself. 

The waves of grief can come hard and fast.  From nowhere.  From everywhere. 

I read somewhere the first year is hard-going through all the firsts and tying to find your way again. 

I’m sure your mom is very proud of you and the love and care you’ve given her  

Thank you for sharing with us and know we are here-

Sending you hugs and prayers,


Always be VK 

Posted: Wednesday, October 10, 2018 1:49 PM
Joined: 11/13/2014
Posts: 2296

I am so sorry that your family had to go through this awful painful journey. I am so sorry that our LO's even get this and I am sorry for the loss of your dear mom. It is a bitter sweet ending. She was so blessed to have you and I'm sure you feel the same about her. Treasure your memories. Your a kind and wonderful daughter. hugs
Posted: Wednesday, October 10, 2018 3:25 PM
Joined: 5/21/2016
Posts: 1988

Hi, *Brightside,* I rather like your way of looking at it that your mom won her battle and she is now whole and free. Hold onto those tender emotions as you process your loss in the coming days. You took care of your mom and gave her your best. That you can hold as a gift in your heart. My condolences to you and your family.
Posted: Wednesday, October 10, 2018 3:27 PM
Joined: 8/27/2015
Posts: 98

I'm very sorry for your loss.  Please know that you and your family are in my prayers.  As I was preparing final arrangements for my mom who passed this past Saturday, I came across the I'm Free poem.  It gave me some comfort.

Don t grieve for me, for now I'm free

I'm following the path God laid for me.
I took his hand when I heard him call
I turned my back and left it all.
I could not stay another day
to laugh, to love, to work or play.
Tasks undone must stay that away.
I found that peace at close of day.
If my parting has left a void
then fill it with remembered joy.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss, 
ah, yes these things I too will miss.
Be not burdened with times of sorrow
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life's been full, Iv'e savored much, 
good friends, good times, 
a loved one's touch.
Perhaps my time seemed all to brief, 
don't lenghten it now with undue grief.
Lift up your hearts and share with me
God wanted me now: 
He set me free. 
Posted: Wednesday, October 10, 2018 3:28 PM
Joined: 9/12/2018
Posts: 61

sending lots of hugs and prayers. Hope peace and love are with you and your family.
His Daughter
Posted: Wednesday, October 10, 2018 6:05 PM
Joined: 6/25/2014
Posts: 2272

Brightsides, as others, I'm sorry for your loss.  We all understand what a  life changing experience this is.  But, I'm grateful it's over for both of you.  You did an excellent job being her companion for this final segment of her life.  Thoughtful, kind, and supportive.  Your mom couldn't have asked for better.  She certainly raised a good woman......YOU.
Posted: Wednesday, October 10, 2018 9:20 PM
Joined: 1/17/2016
Posts: 909

Brightside, I am so sorry for your loss.  I am sure your emotions are everywhere right now.  Take care of yourself and give yourself time.  Life seems to change so much after things get quiet.
Posted: Wednesday, October 10, 2018 9:34 PM
Joined: 1/8/2016
Posts: 365

My heart & prayers are with you as you get use to your new normal. Thank God your mom is free from this disease and at peace.

Each day will bring different waves of emotion & finding yourself will take time. I know how that feels & being patient with yourself is key.

I wish you well and that each day is one step closer to healing.


NC caregiver
Posted: Wednesday, October 10, 2018 10:28 PM
Joined: 2/7/2018
Posts: 855

Please accept my sympathy for your loss . I am glad your LO is now at peace and as you said has won the battle with this disease.   Please take care of yourself and try to get some rest after the journey.
Posted: Wednesday, October 10, 2018 10:43 PM
Joined: 4/1/2014
Posts: 5051

I am sorry for your loss. It seems her final moments were peaceful and occurred with you and your husband present. I hope the happy memories of your dear mother will push aside the sad ones and you will be on your way to healing. I send prayers to you and your family, and for your dear mother.
Posted: Wednesday, October 10, 2018 11:36 PM
Joined: 9/8/2017
Posts: 2260

Brightside, that is a beautiful story of your mom passing. The ending reminded me of when my mom passed.  The last breaths and, I thought, she looked kinda pretty.  She almost looked younger, and peaceful.
Thank you for sharing your story, and please take care.  May she rest in peace.

Posted: Wednesday, October 10, 2018 11:51 PM
Joined: 2/3/2018
Posts: 100

Me too, so very sorry for your great loss.  Hugs and prayers.
Posted: Thursday, October 11, 2018 12:03 AM
Joined: 5/2/2014
Posts: 761

Brightside, I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet mom. Her passing sounds very similar to my moms. I had a hard time with the labored breathing. Just know that she is no longer fighting this horrible disease and she is whole again. My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours, may you find some peace and comfort during this difficult time. Take time to grieve and get some much needed rest. Sending soft hugs.
Posted: Thursday, October 11, 2018 4:32 AM
Joined: 3/6/2017
Posts: 2152

Please accept my sympathy on the passing of your dearest mother.
Posted: Thursday, October 11, 2018 9:34 PM
Joined: 12/14/2017
Posts: 1728

Brightside..I'm glad it is over for the both of you...God bless her and you....

I'm sorry you had to go thru this...just as I am sorry I have to as well.

She was very lucky to have such a loving daughter....that stayed with her till the end.

You did your best...and your best was good enough.

God bless.