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how do i know when care is enough
Posted: Monday, September 9, 2019 10:13 AM
Joined: 2/18/2019
Posts: 3

Hello, I am new to this forum. I've been here with mom four years who at this point can't do much for herself. Lately I've been wondering how much mom can comprehend. Her face doesn't really tell me. Hospice and home health come in four times a week, we eat meals together and watch  TV together. I sing to her at bedtime. I wonder if I'm meeting her social and emotional needs?
Posted: Monday, September 9, 2019 10:38 AM
Joined: 4/1/2014
Posts: 5054

I think yu are doing a good job. I if you feel she may want or needs more social or emotional stimulation-give more and see if she response to it. For example, I asked friends with infants or small children to bring them to my house for mom to carry or look at. I had friends with dogs come over and let my mother pet them. I had a music therapist come and play piano for her and once a week a massage therapist comes and works on my mother's legs. For emotional needs, I give my mother back rubs and hug her and kiss her. People need touch in their lives-all the time. 

 See if she responses and try different things. For many year while my mother could still walk, I took her to the park, the mall, Goodwill, picnics, office parties, art classes, exercise classes, the pool, the lake, on the deck -  anything that would get her out or be around people.

Be careful not to over stimulate her and let her behavior be your guide. In the later stages slow, quiet activities is best like music from her era, smell of cookies, hand holding, hearing our voices. Good luck!

Posted: Monday, September 9, 2019 10:52 AM
Joined: 2/18/2019
Posts: 3

thank you so much
Posted: Monday, September 9, 2019 11:24 AM
Joined: 9/5/2017
Posts: 557

Sounds like you're doing a great job!
Posted: Monday, September 9, 2019 12:51 PM
Joined: 10/24/2018
Posts: 983

Polly, I think you are doing a wonderful job!! Tess had some good suggestions to try, one at a time.

 Does your mom like helping? My mom's MC just started having some activities where the residents "do for somebody" instead of being a captive audience. When I say "do for" , I mean at their own levels. Mom wants to help fold towels, for example, and can't do it by herself for squat, so the activities director helps her hand-over-hand. There are other things that are "helpful", such as smoothing out crumpled tissue paper (thank you whoever here posted that one!), sorting colored objects, you can make up almost anything that you need or "I have this friend who needs" done. 

The singing at bedtime is especially wonderful, because you know her bedtime songs. I love that one. I'll bet she sang to you when you were small too!